Tuesday, January 31, 2012

For Lovers Only.....

VALENTINE'S DAY is two weeks away and though I am single, I do look forward to it.  I know there are those out there who choose not to celebrate V-Day because 'it has become a highly commercialized Hallmark-holiday' or because they believe one should 'show love all year-round, not just this one day.'  To those people I say, 'Bah HumLove!'  Yes, many businesses seize the opportunity to make more money on this one day and yes, there are those who cold all year but attempt to make it hot on this one day.  But we all have choices on how much we buy into the commercialism of Valentine's Day and I believe that most people do show their loved ones love all year round. I see nothing wrong with taking the opportunity of this day to dish out an extra, heaping helping of love and attention on the one(s) they love. 

That being said, I don't expect any flowers, gifts or candies to arrive at my door or my work (although that would be soooooooooooooooooooo nice) but I do expect to feel loved, as I do every day.  I will likely buy cards and/or gifts for a few special someones (relatives & friends) in my life and I look forward to their reactions, as no one is expecting to get anything from me.  In relation to Buttafly Diaries, I will celebrate the 'month for love' by sharing a quote, poem, personal story or favorite love story (real or fiction) each day of February, leading up to Valentine's Day. 

Won't you join me in sharing some love?

Monday, January 30, 2012


I took a stroll down Facebook memory lane and found this 'Note' I posted, 3 years ago, giving 25 random facts about me.  Some things have changed (for the better) so here's an updated version:

ONE: I am the eldest child of my father's 10 children....8 sisters and one brother

TWO: I am the eldest child of my mother's 4 children....2 sisters and one brother

THREE: When I was pregnant with my child, I wanted my baby to be a girl who looked like her father, but with a mixture of his/my nose and sure enough, I have a daughter who looks like she's her Dad's twin but with the nose I 'designed for her...LOL

FOUR: I've had SERIOUS crushes on 3 guys that started in childhood and remain to this day! LOL Update: I have since reconnected with and (finally) gotten over all three of those sapsuckas! 

FIVE: At one time in my life, I was VERY judgmental of others.  Then, I found myself in the same situations that I had been particularly judgmental of. Nothing like an 'egg on my face' reality check!

SIX: I didn't know just how much I have in common with my cousin Shanell until I read her '25 RTFH&G' (I love you, Liz!)

SEVEN: I'm not as "nice" as people think I am...

EIGHT: One reason I only have one child is because I feared the next one wouldn't be as 'good'

NINE: Now, I want to have another child! : ) Update: God removed that desire from my  heart with the birth of my gran'diva (I love you, Shari!)

TEN: From the moment I laid eyes on my 'little' sister Nacoyia, back in '79, when my mother brought her home from the hospital, I thought she was the most beautiful and precious little girl in the world.  I still think of her and treat her as such to this day!

ELEVEN: My favorite snack to eat in the movie theater is Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn and Raisinets together

TWELVE: One of my biggest pet peeves is people smacking and slurping when drinking, eating or chewing gum.......UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!

THIRTEEN: I love doing MySpace Bulletin surveys....lol Update: WOW.....no more Myspace activity for me (although my page still remains).

FOURTEEN: When we were kids, growing up on Sheridan Avenue together, I wanted to look, walk and talk like Amy McCarthy. In high school, it made my day when people would say we looked like sisters (yeah, Amy, you didn't know that didja girl?? lol).

FIFTEEN: I used to think being a 'Tarver' was the SHIT......and, no matter what 'they' say, I still think being a 'Tarver' is the SHIT!

SIXTEEN: In the months before my father died, I expressed to him that I was angry with him for cheating on my Mom and being a 'womanizer' and having so many kids (10) with so many different women (4)....and I never got the chance to make peace with him while he was alive and tell him that I DO still love him, that I forgive him, and that, although 'his kids' get on my nerves (LOL), I'm still playing the 'big sis role' he designated for me and I thank him and God for my siblings (and StepMama Peggy) because they have all been a blessing to me and I don't know WHAT I would do without them in my life!

SEVENTEEN: The two years I spent at ('corny, wack, small, boring ass - whatever u wanna call it) SUNY Morrisville were two of the best and most enlightening years of my life.

EIGHTEEN: I attended SUNY MORRISVILLE when my daughter was 3-4 years old, and she was on campus with me often. I have pictures of her all over the campus, with many of my college buddies and a favorite profesor of mine. Now, my daughter is a Mo'ville student and not much has changed...including the cups in the dining hall (which I have a pic of her drinking out of as a tot) and my fav professor who still teaches there!  Update: My daughter is no longer a student at SUNY Morrisville and they have since made some updates to the campus.

NINETEEN: I'm an 'old-fashioned' girl in the sense that I believe the man should the Head of the Household. Although I'm a 'control freak' in other areas of my life, the man for me MUST be capable and secure enough within himself to respectfully take the lead in our relationship. (This doesn't mean I'm a puppet so PLEASE DON'T get it twisted!)

TWENTY: In all of her 18.5 years, I don't believe I have ever whupped my daughter (yeah, I'm sure some of y'all might say...THAT'S her problem! LOL). She's been 'popped' and 'spanked' but never had a real ass-whuppiin from me. She's not perfect, but I think she turned out just fine! Update: My daughter is now 21.5 years old and I think I should given her at least 5 beatings in just within the past 3 years......haha

TWENTY-ONE: I haven't always been overweight, y'know....lol....and back when I was 85 lbs. lighter and considered 'thick', in my mind, I was just as big as I am now.......GO FIGURE!!!! (See, that's what people will do to you, if you're not secure within yourself)

TWENTY-TWO: I went to grad school for a year because (I thought) I wanted to be a teacher..... until I worked at Giffen....lol KUDOS to Mrs. (Shameka) Brown-Johnson (she ain't no joke!). Mrs. Thomas, Ms. Karp (forgot her married name), Mr. Dudley and all the other teachers who are holdng it down at GMES....very special people, indeed!  Update: I am now seriously considering going back into the field of education....maybe even teaching.

TWENTY-THREE: The book 'Midnight: A Gangster Love Story' (by Sister Souljah) has changed me forever.......please pick up a copy and read it!  Update: There is now a sequel to this book (that I've yet to read) called, 'Midnight and The Meaning Of Love'

TWENTY-FOUR: I prefer younger men....and apparently,they prefer me as well, since 90% of the guys who holla are younger than me  Update: My mother told me this is my problem and I need to date older men and though I haven't experienced it yet, I'm thinking, she might be right!

TWENTY-FIVE: Last but not least, I truly believe in this statement about myself, "I MAY NOT BE PERFECT, BUT I'M DAMN NEAR CLOSE!"  Update: In my dreams!  However, I will say, I'm perfectly imperfect yet, perfect....for someone ;-)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

SUNDAYS with BFly......

"What you thought before has led to every choice you have made, and this adds up to you at this moment. If you want to change who you are physically, mentally, and spiritually, you will have to change what you think." Dr. Patrick Gentempo This quote speaks directly to me and the flow of my life. I've often wondered why I'm not who I want to be, where I want to be, with whom I want to be, doing what I want to do. As I watched people around me live (what seems to be) wonderful lives, I neglected to build the kind of life I wanted. I chose to spend more time sitting on the sideline (complaining, cheering, encouraging but feeling discouraged) instead of getting in the game and strengtening my abilities.  I claimed to want certain things to occur in my life but, truth is, I never really believed I could have them. I didn't believe I was 'good enough.'  No matter how smart, pretty, beautiful, good, loving and kind people told me I was, I didn't believe it was 'enough.'  All the things I wanted to do, people I wanted to be associated with or accepted by, places I wanted to go and experiences I wanted to have always seemed to be out of my reach. I would dream of and plan to make things happen but my actions never followed up.  Why?  Because actions are driven by thoughts and although I dreamt of fabulous things for my life, I never thought they could actually happen.  Until Now.  Well almost....... Now, I am re-training my mind to rid itself of the negative and replace with positive, affirming thoughts.  I am distancing myself from people who have proven they are not worthy of my time and energy while categorizing the rest into their appropriate places.  There are those who are 'For Me (actively show support, love and respect),' those who are 'For The Cause (not necessarily 'for me' but are aligned with who/what I stand for),' those who are 'For Fun (for entertainment purposes mostly but harmless)' and those who are 'For Life (sustaining relatives/long-term friends who are not active in my life on a daily basis but whose existence does or has made a difference in my world).'  Recognizing who people really are and treating them accordingly (instead of giving out major benefits of doubt and huge amounts of undeserved credit) is key to my success.  Going forward, I will no longer question 'Why (or why not) Me?' without first acknowledging how I directed my life to where it stands at any given moment.  I will be more mindful of my thoughts and more careful with my actions.  I will envision, believe in, plan for and actively work towards whatever or whomever I want, need or desire in my life.  I will remain humble yet not be afraid to stand strong & tall in my light.  I will lead, by my thoughts, a life of the most favor, purpose and satisfaction possible.  I will continue to aspire and be inspired......and I will keep in mind, the following:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

BFly PRESENTS: 'WAY BACK WHEN'S DAYS,' where, every Wednesday, we'll take a trip down memory lane and discuss people, places and things from 'way back when.'

Today, let's talk about WAY BACK WHEN people 'had the red and black lumberjack with the hat to match' (rip Biggie). The year was 1984 and I was 11, 12 years old. Everybody who was anybody had a lumberjack coat. The colors varied from a plain black & white combination to pretty pinks, poppin purples, sunny yellows and bright oranges....with black, of course. If you didn't have one of these coats, you were not cool, couldn't be fly and definitely not hot.

My mother, the fashionista that she was, kept me and my sisters well-dressed, hair done (by her mostly) and hygiene up to par. She was always complimented on how well she took care of her girls....and she took pride in doing so. It was all fine and dandy until middle school....where most kids first experience the pressure of their peers. In '84, '85, a lot of kids my age were sporting lumberjacks, Goose downs, gold bangles, bamboo earrings, rope chains, Puma or Adidas sneakers, Salt 'n Pepa haircuts, spandex and leather jackets. My sister and I? Not so much.

You see, Ms. Mary (my mother) wasn't into the 'hip hop' or 'urban' scene. She was a conservative woman whose fashion style was mostly classic with not much trend sprinkled in. When we begged asked for stonewashed or two-toned jeans, sneakers and a purple or pink Goose, we were answered with a 'Yeah right!' look. Eventually, she did compromise and bought us the jeans we wanted (oh, how I loved my Sergio Valente and blue/gray two-toned jeans) but coats, sneaks and jewelry....noooooooooo can do!  Eventually, my sister and I did get some of the things we wanted....but not enough to be comsidered 'Fly Girls.' We were 'fly,' in our own right, and definitely part of the 'in' crowd. But 'round the way girls' we were not (and I sooooo wanted to be one)!

Were you a 'Fly Girl/Guy?' What trendy fashions did you rock back in the day?  Did your parents finance your fashion or did you find other ways to get what you wanted?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Today is my granddaughter's first birthday.............HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAR ST*R!

one of many gran'divalicious photos from her
First Birthday Photo Shoot....

......and though she has no idea of how special this day is, her parents and family are excited about it. So excited that her soon-to-be step-grandma set up a special birthday photo shoot, complete with custom-made outfits, props and a special-ordered birthday cake.  I wasn't surprised that A'shari would be taking birthday pictures because her parents have taken her to get photos taken for every month of her life.  So, this month would be no different.  And what a photo shoot it was!  I'm not permitted to post too many of the exclusive photos so I have these few on this post and I may post a few more later.  Anyway, I thought I would be spending this day with my gran'diva, getting in some quality G'ammi time, but her parents have hijacked my plans and are taking Lil' Miss A'shari out on the town.  Sooooooooooo, I guess I'll see her when she gets home.

Birthday photo-shoot cake.....

In the meantime, a big birthday bash is planned for this weekend and....I dread it.  It's not that I don't want to celebrate my grandbaby and her first year of life.  I just think it's such a waste of money for parents to spend a lot of money and put in so much effort for a baby's 1st birthday.  I mean, the kid has no idea it's their birthday and more than likely, will feel more aggravated than celebrated by all of the people who are sure to be in their faces for hours on end.  Then, you factor in all the noise, the 'scary' characters that people sometimes hire and it's really just a recipe for Baby Meltdown.  I understand parents want to go all out for their little one and show everyone how special their kid is but.....Baby's First Birthday Bash......really?

Don't get me wrong, my daughter certainly had a first birthday party but I believe we celebrated it at McDonald's...or maybe it was at the house.  See?  I can't even remember it so I know she damn sure doesn't.  Anyway, I tried to convince my daughter to 'dare to be different' and keep it simple: hot dogs, hamburgers, salad, chips and cake at the house with close relatives and friends. All the money that will be spent on a party can be used for more important things like, my daughter's college tuition, baby's necessities or baby's savings account.  Start a new family tradition for celebrating birthdays: memorable experiences that include travel, culture and character-building. But, noooooooooooooooo, she wouldn't hear of it.  A'shari has to have a big party and invite every person she knows. That's it and that's all.  So, this weekend we'll be celebrating the gran'diva's first year of life in the way of A Berry Big Birthday Bash with Strawberry Shortcake themed everything; complete with a professional photo set up, custom-made birthday cake and personalized games.  I'm sure it's gonna be great fun, with lots of good food, people, music (yes, the girl is even gonna have a DJ playing strawberry shortcake-themed music) and many great moments to cherish. 

Too bad the birthday girl won't remember any of it.  SMH


Monday, January 9, 2012


Within the past few weeks, I've received compliments on my weight loss/changing body shape from a number of people.  The compliments were unexpected, which made me feel even better, because I hadn't realized my body changed in such a noticeable way. As I've said previously, I'm taking this weight-loss thing one day at a time. In fact, it's not even a 'weight-loss thing' anymore.  I've embarked upon a lifestyle change that requires me to take baby steps. It's the best way to go, for me. If the small changes are recognized and celebrated, they will likely grow into big changes. Although I had been cutting back on late-night eating and all-around drinking (soda, alcohol, juices, etc.), I was still surprised when my jeans started to feel loose. I was like, 'Whoa, wait a minute, what's going on?'  So, when people started saying, 'Girl, you look good,' or 'What have you been doing?' or 'Hey girl, I see you....keep up the good work!,' I was like, 'Huh?' Uhhhh, okaaayyyy' with a raised eyebrow.  But, the more people said it, the more I believed that the small changes were really translating into good progress.

My progress was further bolstered by the fact that, although, I haven't completely gone down a size, there are some items of clothing I can wear in the next size down.  It's funny because I didn't know this until my sister bought me a pair of pants and shirt in a size 1x for my birthday.  I tried it on without even looking at the size, assuming they were my 'normal' size (2x).  So, it was a pleasant surprise, when I took them off and removed the tags, to notice they were sized 1x....and fit perfectly!  I felt great because, not only have I been wearing a size 2x or 20 for the longest time but I was really on my way to a 3x, size 22 (and in fact, did own a few articles of clothing in that size).  After that, I said, okay, I won't weigh myself for a while because, I didn't believe I had lost any significant amount of weight (I just didn't see it) and I didn't want to be disappointed by the numbers on the scale.  I felt some changes in my body and other people noticed the changes so I was good with that.  Until this morning, when I finally weighed myself.

I like to weigh myself in the morning because there's no 'extra weight' on me, in the form of food or clothing.  So, as I brushed my teeth in my birthday suit, I eyed the scale and said, 'today is the day I will see what the scale has to say.'  Sometimes, while brushing my teeth, I'll see the scale and say I'm going to weigh myself but by the time I'm done brushing, I forget all about it.  This morning was no different.  It wasn't until after I was dressed that I realized I forgot to weigh myself.  Despite the fact that I was running a few minutes behind, I undressed and got on the scale. I really wanted to know the facts, today. Wearing just my underwear, I stepped on the scale and it read: 228 lbs. Woooooo!  Now, I know that sounds like a lot to most of  you and, in fact, it IS alot but for me, it's progress.  Last year, this time, I weighed 240 lbs.  In fact, up until last September, October, I weighed around 240 lbs.  So, to weigh 228 lbs today is great.  When I saw the number, I immediately thought, 'Okay, I got to keep pushing!  I'm under 230, now let's get under 220.' Furthermore, seeing that number made me soooooooooooo glad I was able to resist the urge to eat McDonald's last night. I hadn't eaten anything all day so when I saw the sign, I thought, 'Yup, that's dinner for tonight!' I drove into the parking lot and pulled over to the side to wait for my daughter to respond to my text, asking her if she wanted anything.  But, as I sat there and thought about it.....I knew I shouldn't do it.  Not only was it Sunday...and who eats McDonald's on a Sunday?!.....but it just didn't feel good.  So after reading a few Facebook statuses talking about what people were cooking for their families for Sunday dinner carefully thinking about it, I decided to go home and cook.  Not only did I save money and tons of calories by cooking my own dinner, but it was much tastier than McD's would have been AND there was enough left over for me to have for lunch today.  Then, to find out this morning that I've lost 12 lbs.?????  Yeah, McD's, I'll pass!

In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I think I've lost the weight required of me to get the Lap-Band surgery (a decision I made a few months back).  Although, now I'm not so sure that I'm going to go through with it.  There are a few reasons why this is but that's fodder for another post.  In the meantime, I will continue making small but significant steps in my journey to a healthier, happier, lighter me!

Sunday, January 8, 2012


Media reports have revealed that two of my favorite people, Mr. & Mrs. Shawn Carter aka Beyonce & Jay-Z, have given birth to their baby girl, Ivy Blue or Blu Ivy (depending on which report you read).  Apparently, their daughter is named to commemorate the day of the month on which both of them were born, IV for four (Bey' - Sept. 4 and Jay - Dec. 4) and Dad's longstanding relationship with the word/color blue.  Jay-Z is also the fourth child born in his family.  As much as I love these two and most everything they do, I can't say I love this name.  I like names that are unique and/or have special meaning but Ivy Blue.....really, Mr & Mrs. Carter?  I mean, Ivy isn't unique at all but the meaning behind it, I think, is sweet.  Maybe they should've named her Phor Blu or Blu Phor..........haha....I don't know.  Anyway, baby girl is here....and I'm hopefully assuming she's a healthy, happy newborn.  Whatever her name is....and of course, her parents couldn't care less what I or anyone else thinks about it.....she is already loved by family and strangers alike.  So, I would just like to wish them all the best as they embark upon their new journey into parenthood. 

CONGRATULATIONS, Bey' and Jay!  Auntie BFly loves you Blu! ;-)

SUNDAYS with BFly.......

In two days, my gran'diva will turn One Year Old.....wow.  I know it's cliche, but it really does seem like just yesterday that I was ready to wring my daughter's neck and drop her narrow behind between the slits in a sewer cover for getting pregnant at such an inappopriate, unplanned for and totally not-ready-for time.  Ooh, I could've killed that girl! I digress......anyway, obviously, I got over it and from the moment I laid eyes on the gran'diva, in the womb (via ultrasound), I was in love. 

A'shari Q. A. Cooper is one delightful little girl with whom I plan to make great memories, spend tons of money, energy and time and just love, love, love until I can't love no mo'!  Having her in our lives has changed our circumstances drastically......but more for the better than not.  Watching my daughter grow and mature in ways she probably wouldn't have otherwise, at this age is both sobering and refreshing.  I'm convinced that A'shari aka Shar Star aka the gran'diva aka....okay, I'll stop now (hahaha)....was given to us for a few reasons: ONE, to motivate her mother to, not only hold fast to her goals & dreams but to put in that work to make them happen; TWO, to inspire her 89 year old great-great grandmother (my beloved grandma) to get up every morning and continue to live, laugh and love. The two of them together are like old friends....they each light up the other's life with their mere presence; and THREE, to remind her G'ammi (that's me) what pure, unconditional love is all about, to invigorate my spirit and push me to live life on the next level.

I remember being a pregnant teen and vowing to myself that I would not drop out of school (like my mother and alot of people predicted or thought I would) and I would not become a statistic.  Yes, I would have a baby and have to repeat the 11th grade but, by golly, I will walk across that stage with my head held high, if it's the last thing I do......and I did.  After graduating high school, I remember feeling like, 'I can't stop, won't stop.' Sure, I lost a scholarship due to my year late graduation but there were other schools I could apply to.  So, I did.....and I went on to college, leaving my 3 year old daughter at home and a relationship that I desperately wanted but knew was falling apart.  All through my college years (took me 6 years to complete my bachelor's degree), I struggled with trying to make that relationship work, take care of my daughter and earn my degree.  The one thing that kept me going was wanting to be better and do better for my child.

As did her mother, my gran'diva inspires me to stay strong in the game.  Her smile and laughter keep my spirits high, her growth and discovery make me want to learn and experience more....even her tears give me strength, as they remind me that continued patience is a virtue (cause that big mouth of hers sure can inspire one to lose their mind....lol) and communication is key.  She is a wonder to behold and for that, I can now let go of the plans & dreams I had for my daughter yesterday and give all praises due today, for the wonderful blessing of my granddaughter.   

Who or what uplifts your spirit and inspires you to be better?

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Resolutions, Shmesolutions!

While I have vowed not to make any resolutions (that I hardly ever keep anyway) this year, I have made plans.  Plans that I've talked about.  Plans that I'm excited about.  Plans that I am about. 

As suggested by fellow blogger, Michele Grant (author of the 'Black and Bougie' blog, http://www.blacknbougie.com/, of which I am a fan), people need to stop harping on what they didn't do, what they wanna do ,what they 'gon do and make plans to just DO.  The plans I'm referring to are not those written down on a scrap sheet of paper only to get lost in 2012's clutter or notes taken in a spare notebook, or even an entry into one's journal, to be closed up and never referred to again.  I'm talking about Action Plans, people; THINK about what it is that you want/need to do, brainstorm and WRITE DOWN ways that you can make it happen (and post/store them where they can be viewed regularly) then TAKE STEPS that will lead you to actualization.  It's okay to reflect upon what you missed out or messed up on, in the past....but only for a second and only if you see it as a lesson learned not a memory burned into your spirit, retarding your progress from this day forward.  So, you gained a few pounds or are still carrying heft from 2011 - Devise a plan to eat better, move regularly and invest more time into self then DO IT; Maybe you went all out shopping for Christmas (or all damn year) and your money is funny - Document what your income is, compare it to your financial responsiblities, come up with a reasonable 'free-spending' amount (if you have it) and STICK TO IT (get another job or side hustle, if necessary; carry cash and leave the cards at home - it's so easy to 'swipe & go'; pack a lunch, snack, drinks....you get my drift); You may have hung out with the wrong crowd, were too nice, too forgiving OR you were mean to people, patronizing, controlling OR you feel stuck in a dead-end or toxic relationship/friendship........whatever the case is, take a personal inventory and focus on your behavior (which is, by the way, the only person's behavior you can truly control) and CHANGE IT for the better.

That's what I plan to do for 2012 - DO BETTER, GET BETTER, LOOK BETTER and just plain ole BE BETTER.....a better me than I've ever been.  In doing so, I aim to be more observant, conscious, mindful, thoughtful and responsible of/for the choices I make. These aren't things I just decided to do on December 31, 2011 though; I've been working on these things (one, two, three at at time, depending on the day) for a while now and I am making slow, steady progress.  I will, however, turn it up for 2012 as (what I see as) my 'Showtime' segment of life (between 40 and 80) is fast approaching.  You see, I turned 39 years old on December 6 and while I always tell people, who insist on remarking, 'Girl, you 'bout to be 40!', to please just let me be 39 first, I do have my eyes on the Big 4-0.  I'm not looking'er dead in the eyes just yet but I can see her in the distance.  I can definitely make out her outline. When I get up on her, I wanna take her on standing tall (as I can at 5'1"), looking right, doing well and feeling my best. I want to be Fabulous at Forty in all ways possible............but, I must be Fine at Thirty-Nine first....

So, in my 39th year of life, I plan to:
I'm talking a significant reduction in size
no more Upstate New York winters for me! 
eating out has gotten waaayyy outta control!
not just because they are my relatives, childhood friends, they have a sob story, etc.
to a place I haven't been; preferably out of the country
of my daughter's continuing growth as a mother & woman and of other people's life experiences, stage in life, preferences, decisions and feelings
of people's selfish ways, inconsiderate or downright rude behavior and nasty attitudes (they think because they've been around, lifelong or they're 'like family' or are relatives, they can do & say what they want)....can't take it, won't take it anymore; the BUSH (my euphimism for the crap bulls lay) stops now!
I can only control and be accountable for my own actions and reactions
* INVEST MORE TIME IN 'BFly (that's me) STOCK'
into my look, my writing, my company and my purpose

....and last but not least, I plan to
* FIND LOVE or BE READY FOR LOVE when he finds me. 
It's been a lonnnnnnnnnng time coming.....the last 10 years have been filled with cheaters, deceivers, heartbreakers, liars and deny-ers.......ohhh, but I digress (that's another post y'all)!**

That last point brings me to another fellow blogger, whose site I frequent and am more than entertained by, Anslem 'NWSO' Samuel of 'Naked With Socks On.'  On his blog, he gave 5 Dating Resolutions for Singles in 2012. While he is engaged and very soon to be married, he isn't that far out of the dating game that he can't give good, sound advice.  Granted, the tips he gave aren't never-before-heard-of but, I like his delivery.  Furthermore, he provided a refreshing reminder to those who may have forgotten these things or those who may have given up on dating altogether.  So, I will keep in mind, as I navigate the dating world, the following suggestions given by Mr. NWSO:

ONE, 'Date With A Purpose'
- if you want Love, then don't settle for Lust or any other bush being offered
TWO, 'Don't Knowingly Date Losers' **
- no, you are not that special that his/her loser-stripes will change all of a sudden
THREE, 'Don't Forget What Dating Means'
- hooking up, texting/FBing/Tweeting, smoking/drinking/clubbing together does not a suitor make
FOUR, 'Date Like A Virgin'
- take your time and be selective about who you become intimate with; every partner should be special, not just your 'first'
FIVE, 'Date Outside Your Usual Type'
- your 'perfect (for you)' mate may not come in your ideal, typical or fantastical package; be open to more & different possibilities

Not rocket science and not difficult to follow.  Click on the link to check out the full post........

In dating or whatever area of your life you deem needs improvement, don't just think about it, talk about it, cry about it.....BE about it!  Make 2012 count, DRs!  ;-)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


It's 2012, Dear Reader ('DR') and I don't know about you but I feel big change a-coming!  This past holiday season was great and much different from any other I've experienced.  It was my first as a grandmother, which still sounds crayyyyzeeee to me but it is my reality.  My gran'diva (as I affectionately refer to my granddaughter) enjoyed everything from Halloween through New Year's Eve.  She had three outfits for Halloween; one for her professional photo shoot (pumpkin), one for daytime at day care (orange & black outfit wishing everyone a, 'Happy Halloween') and the show-stealing party costume (Little Black Kitty).  Of course, she had no clue as to why she had to don all these outfits and be blinded by a million flashing lights throughout the course of the day but she looked good and smiled (sometimes) for the cameras.  I don't recall seeing her eat any sweets but I'm sure somebody slipped her a lollipop or two at one time or another. 

For Thanksgiving, the little turkey looked extra special in her gold, shimmery sweater dress and brown fur-trimmed booties with hair accessories to match.  She had to look good for all her special appearances scheduled for the day.  Baby had three families looking forward to spending time with her on her first Thanksgiving and, somehow, she and Mom pulled it off....dinner with G'ammi, PahPah and Nana. Whew!  I get exhausted just thinking about it.  She had a great time eating all the wonderful, soft foods her little belly could stand.  Even without a tooth in sight, baby girl savored many flavors of her first Thanksgiving Day.

Baby's First Christmas was the most charming, funny, fun and whimsical Christmas I've experienced in a long time.  It was not only special because of our newest family addition but also because my sis and niece came all the way to the northeast from North Carolina, to spend Christmas with us.  The long weekend was filled with parties, shopping and lots of quality family time.  Our little darling couldn't get enough of her first Christmas tree and the ornaments, of course.  Every day was a joy and a scramble; between her delight with and seeming determination to destroy the holiday decor, we were stir crazy! 

She may not have known what was going on but she enjoyed every bit of it.  The best part of it all was on Christmas Day, when it was time for her to open her gifts.  We weren't sure if she would do the unwrapping or Mommy & Daddy would but boy, did she show us!  There was no mistaking her unwrapping skills; she pulled and ripped and even bit the paper off of her first gift. Her enthusiasm didn't wane as she went on to unwrap her other gifts.  In fact, she was still trying to unwrap other people's gifts in the days following.....LOL   

Of course, her first holiday season wouldn't have been complete without an awesome wardrobe to match.  Check out the gran'diva in a few of her holiday looks:

Our very own little Christmas tree..

Baby's 1st Christmas dinner.....

Golden Girl, all ready for Christmas morning service.....

Merry 1st Christmas, A'shari!

And finally, I brought the new year in with the gran'diva.  No grand parties, glittery clothing and glamorous cocktails for me, this time around.  Up until the last possible minute, I hemmed and hawwed on what I was going to do for New Year's Eve: go out to a party, host a party or forget partying altogether.  I opted to just 'forgetaboutit' because I didn't want to be out on the road and not enough people showed interest in attending a house party.  So, the gran'dvia and I got comfy, sent the #1 daughter/Mommy on her way and watched a movie.  Well, I tried to watch a movie but lil' miss thang wasn't having it.  As tired as she was, she fought sleep with every ounce of energy she had and didn't settle down into a good 30 minute nap sleep until precisely the stroke of midnight.  She woke just before one but went back to sleep shortly after.....then, I wanted to party!