Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Resolutions, Shmesolutions!

While I have vowed not to make any resolutions (that I hardly ever keep anyway) this year, I have made plans.  Plans that I've talked about.  Plans that I'm excited about.  Plans that I am about. 

As suggested by fellow blogger, Michele Grant (author of the 'Black and Bougie' blog,, of which I am a fan), people need to stop harping on what they didn't do, what they wanna do ,what they 'gon do and make plans to just DO.  The plans I'm referring to are not those written down on a scrap sheet of paper only to get lost in 2012's clutter or notes taken in a spare notebook, or even an entry into one's journal, to be closed up and never referred to again.  I'm talking about Action Plans, people; THINK about what it is that you want/need to do, brainstorm and WRITE DOWN ways that you can make it happen (and post/store them where they can be viewed regularly) then TAKE STEPS that will lead you to actualization.  It's okay to reflect upon what you missed out or messed up on, in the past....but only for a second and only if you see it as a lesson learned not a memory burned into your spirit, retarding your progress from this day forward.  So, you gained a few pounds or are still carrying heft from 2011 - Devise a plan to eat better, move regularly and invest more time into self then DO IT; Maybe you went all out shopping for Christmas (or all damn year) and your money is funny - Document what your income is, compare it to your financial responsiblities, come up with a reasonable 'free-spending' amount (if you have it) and STICK TO IT (get another job or side hustle, if necessary; carry cash and leave the cards at home - it's so easy to 'swipe & go'; pack a lunch, snack, get my drift); You may have hung out with the wrong crowd, were too nice, too forgiving OR you were mean to people, patronizing, controlling OR you feel stuck in a dead-end or toxic relationship/friendship........whatever the case is, take a personal inventory and focus on your behavior (which is, by the way, the only person's behavior you can truly control) and CHANGE IT for the better.

That's what I plan to do for 2012 - DO BETTER, GET BETTER, LOOK BETTER and just plain ole BE BETTER.....a better me than I've ever been.  In doing so, I aim to be more observant, conscious, mindful, thoughtful and responsible of/for the choices I make. These aren't things I just decided to do on December 31, 2011 though; I've been working on these things (one, two, three at at time, depending on the day) for a while now and I am making slow, steady progress.  I will, however, turn it up for 2012 as (what I see as) my 'Showtime' segment of life (between 40 and 80) is fast approaching.  You see, I turned 39 years old on December 6 and while I always tell people, who insist on remarking, 'Girl, you 'bout to be 40!', to please just let me be 39 first, I do have my eyes on the Big 4-0.  I'm not looking'er dead in the eyes just yet but I can see her in the distance.  I can definitely make out her outline. When I get up on her, I wanna take her on standing tall (as I can at 5'1"), looking right, doing well and feeling my best. I want to be Fabulous at Forty in all ways possible............but, I must be Fine at Thirty-Nine first....

So, in my 39th year of life, I plan to:
I'm talking a significant reduction in size
no more Upstate New York winters for me! 
eating out has gotten waaayyy outta control!
not just because they are my relatives, childhood friends, they have a sob story, etc.
to a place I haven't been; preferably out of the country
of my daughter's continuing growth as a mother & woman and of other people's life experiences, stage in life, preferences, decisions and feelings
of people's selfish ways, inconsiderate or downright rude behavior and nasty attitudes (they think because they've been around, lifelong or they're 'like family' or are relatives, they can do & say what they want)....can't take it, won't take it anymore; the BUSH (my euphimism for the crap bulls lay) stops now!
I can only control and be accountable for my own actions and reactions
* INVEST MORE TIME IN 'BFly (that's me) STOCK'
into my look, my writing, my company and my purpose

....and last but not least, I plan to
* FIND LOVE or BE READY FOR LOVE when he finds me. 
It's been a lonnnnnnnnnng time coming.....the last 10 years have been filled with cheaters, deceivers, heartbreakers, liars and deny-ers.......ohhh, but I digress (that's another post y'all)!**

That last point brings me to another fellow blogger, whose site I frequent and am more than entertained by, Anslem 'NWSO' Samuel of 'Naked With Socks On.'  On his blog, he gave 5 Dating Resolutions for Singles in 2012. While he is engaged and very soon to be married, he isn't that far out of the dating game that he can't give good, sound advice.  Granted, the tips he gave aren't never-before-heard-of but, I like his delivery.  Furthermore, he provided a refreshing reminder to those who may have forgotten these things or those who may have given up on dating altogether.  So, I will keep in mind, as I navigate the dating world, the following suggestions given by Mr. NWSO:

ONE, 'Date With A Purpose'
- if you want Love, then don't settle for Lust or any other bush being offered
TWO, 'Don't Knowingly Date Losers' **
- no, you are not that special that his/her loser-stripes will change all of a sudden
THREE, 'Don't Forget What Dating Means'
- hooking up, texting/FBing/Tweeting, smoking/drinking/clubbing together does not a suitor make
FOUR, 'Date Like A Virgin'
- take your time and be selective about who you become intimate with; every partner should be special, not just your 'first'
FIVE, 'Date Outside Your Usual Type'
- your 'perfect (for you)' mate may not come in your ideal, typical or fantastical package; be open to more & different possibilities

Not rocket science and not difficult to follow.  Click on the link to check out the full post........

In dating or whatever area of your life you deem needs improvement, don't just think about it, talk about it, cry about it.....BE about it!  Make 2012 count, DRs!  ;-)