Friday, October 31, 2014

TRICK OR TREAT: Grown Folks' Candy

TRICK  OR  TREAT for Grown Folks
© Sameialika Tarver 10/21/07

Trick or Treat, I'm so sweet

the kind my baby loves to eat

I'm candy corns, butter fingers,

decadent flava lingers

Like jolly ranchers, swedish fish

a smack-yo-lips type 'o dish

scoop me like ice cream

eat me like cake

smell my sweetness

like an apple bake

It's Halloween y'all

scary and sweet

so find ya'self a trick

and be their memorable treat


Friday, March 7, 2014


I'VE LEARNED by Maya Angelou

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."   

 "I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."
 "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." 

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

Monday, March 3, 2014

A Necessary Struggle....

I'd like to share a story that I found, "BUTTERFLY". The message is both powerful and insightful. I draw strength from these words, as well as a new perspective on life and my experiences. It explains why we have to go through some "bad" experiences to get to the good. It also underlines the fact that we must allow our children, family members and friends go through difficult times without 'rushing to grease them up' before every fight. STOP going to the schools making up excuses taking up for your kids when you know they were wrong. STOP buying them everything just because they want it, or because such and such has it, while they haven't done a thing to earn it. STOP making excuses for ignorant and disrespectful behavior. STOP allowing your kids to do grown up things and make grown up decisions before they are fully grown.

Everyone has to find their own way. Dealing with adversity and overcoming obstacles builds strength, character and self-esteem. Read on and be enlightened................

author unknown

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.  One day, a small opening appeared.  He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours, as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then, it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.  Then, the man decided to help the butterfly. So, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened!!  In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of his life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.  It was never able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon & the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were necessary for the full growth of the butterfly.  It was God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through life without obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been, and we could never fly.
So, have a nice day and struggle a little!  

Friday, February 28, 2014


Poetry and music....perfect combination to end the month long celebration of love......enjoy!


The man who makes you sing a song
while holding you in his arms
is the man you want all night long
He is the Music Man

The man who evokes that melody
those notes that form the symphony
while you enjoy his company
He is The Music Man

The man who takes you high and low
as the beat gets fast then comes back slow
makes you forget the words you used to know
He is the Music Man

The man who turns the volume down
so the room is filled with just your sound
can smooth it out when the bass gets tough
then turns it off when you've had enough
He is The Music Man

by Sameialika Tarver, July 2007

My girl Jill Scott explains it perfectly in this song.........

Sunday, February 16, 2014


MUSTAFA MCWHORTER. A name I will never forget. A face I will always remember. A voice I will hear in my head for the rest of my days. A life taken way too soon. A person I never knew but his memory I will behold forever.

Mustafa McWhorter was a young man whose tragic story was featured on one of my favorite television shows, A&E's The First 48. I've been a fan of this show since it started and thought I had seen every episode to date. When the episode featuring Mustafa McWhorter began, I immediately knew I hadn't seen it before; and I had no idea it would turn out to be especially and unexpectedly heartbreaking. Mustafa McWhorter was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. He was the youngest of eight and grew up in a close-knit family. He was very much  loved by his parents, siblings, relatives and friends. Although Mustafa was loved and treated well by most, he was a victim of bullying. He was picked on and tormented by some of his peers, causing his family concern for his safety and well-being. In spite of the bullying, Mustafa grew to be a confident, outgoing young man who lived life with a positive attitude. He had many good friends with whom he enjoyed spending time....and making music. Mustafa was a member of a local rap group, called the Band Boys. The Band Boys wrote songs, performed their lyrics and made videos that they shared on social media. They had quite a following yet, not every one was a fan. As we've witnessed with major rap artists, the Band Boys became part of an unfortunate rivalry that sometimes happens in the hip hop culture. They were at odds with other local rap groups; odds that, unfortunately, led to violence. Mustafa, in particular, was a target and victim.

He grew up in a neighborhood plagued by the many ills that too many of America's neighborhoods face; poverty, drugs, decay, sickness, violence and death. Mustafa knew firsthand what it was like to live, love and lose in an environment filled with darkness and despair. But, like a rose growing from concrete, Mustafa stood out as a ray of hope amongst the hopelessness. Not only was he a popular and well-liked young man, Mustafa was also attractive and outspoken. He voiced his opinion about his generation and their lack of morals and respect, and their fascination with inappropriate or deviant behavior. He spoke about the need for his peers to be more loving and less violent towards each other. Mustafa hoped that, one day, the kids in his community could grow up without being affected by, witness to or victim of violence. All of which he had been.

Directly and indirectly, Mustafa dealt with the aftermath of death in his community. On this particular night, I was watching the story of Mustafa McWhorter, but on a previous epsiode of The First 48, I watched the story of a 14 year old girl who was shot to death on the night of her birthday party. That little girl was Lataevia Williams, who was also Mustafa's friend. Lataevia's death inspired Mustafa to fight harder for 'more love and less violence' in his community. His mission of non-violence continued. Apparently, his outspokenness coupled with his affiliation with The Band Boys, rubbed others the wrong way. So much so that Mustafa became a victim of extreme violence. He was first assaulted on May 13, 2012, by a young man who confronted Mustafa over a 'Facebook beef.' This young man not only wanted to fight Mustafa, he wanted to 'slam him to sleep.' During the fight, Mustafa was slammed several times, causing his head to hit the concrete which eventually knocked him unconscious. After Mustafa was down and out, the assailant proceeded to punch and kick him about the head and face. This incident happened in front of a crowd of people, including at least two adults. No one tried to stop the attack or help Mustafa. Not only did the crowd watch this assault take place but someone actually recorded it with their cell phone. After he was knocked out and bloodied, the two adults finally stepped in, picked Mustafa up off of the ground and pulled him out of harm's way. Mustafa was taken to a hospital where it was found that he had severe head injuries, lacerations and a broken nose. Shortly after being viciously attacked, Mustafa recovered from his injuries and his spirit was not broken, as evidenced in this news interview (which, I must warn you, contains parts of the graphic recording of Mustafa's beating). Eventually, the person responsible for this attack was arrested and, I believe, is now serving prison time for his actions.

Fast forward to May 2013 and, Mustafa is assaulted again, according to the story told by The First 48. I found no evidence of recordings, incident reports, news coverage or arrests in connection to that incident. Just a few weeks later, on May 28, Mustafa was, again, confronted and challenged to a fight at the local library, where he was shot and killed. This incident was also caught on video, from a camera located at a business near the library, and led to the arrests of the two young men responsible. As I watched this episode of The First 48, in the moment Mustafa's mother was informed of her child's death, my heart broke.

There have been many times that I've been saddened, angered and upset by what I've seen on this show, but this episode affected me like never before. As a person who has felt the pain of loss through the death of a loved one, I could empathize. But as a mother who has never suffered the loss of a child (thank God), I can't relate. To have that loss exacerbated by the facts that your child was victimized and terrorized prior to death and their death be a result of extreme violence, I cannot imagine that pain. Somehow, I kept my composure while watching the story unfold. But, as soon as the credits rolled, I was overcome by emotion. I cried uncontrollably and my heart literally ached for this young man, his mother and his family. When I went to bed that night, I could not get Mustafa off of my mind. I tossed and turned for a while then, finally got up and turned my computer on. I wanted to know more about this young man known as Mustafa McWhorter. I searched his name on Google and links to the video of the fight popped up. I had only seen the parts of the fight that were shown in the news story which was more than enough for me. But, I tried to convince myself to watch the video in its entirety. I thought, if he could endure it and still smile & be happy, surely I can watch it and be okay. But, I just. could. not. do. it.

I then found a Facebook page, made in his memory, where I saw many pictures of Mustafa. Pictures of him smiling, laughing and seemingly, enjoying his young life. Many people posted on this page, to express their condolences and feelings after watching The First 48 episode. It felt good to know that I wasn't alone or being ultra-sensitive in my reaction. In my search, I also came across an audio recording of  Mustafa speaking about the violent and deviant behavior of his peers. After watching the news interview and listening to the audio recording, I understood why I felt the way I did. Mustafa McWhorter was not only a good kid who did nothing to deserve what happened to him, he was a beautiful, gentle soul. Although I never knew him, after learning about his story, I felt like he was a part of my family. His personality, sense of style and unbreakable spirit reminds me of some young men in my bloodline. He could have easily been my little brother, nephew, cousin or son....and I cried for him as if he were. Although Mustafa's life was terribly affected by violence, he remained a positive person. I'm sure his life and death has inspired those who knew him to make different choices and live better lives. Not only did he serve as a good role model for his peers but Mustafa was also a refreshing example of human kind. He's a source of inspiration for the familiar and strangers alike. Strangers like me. I pray it brings some comfort to his family to know that Mustafa McWhorter, the young man they raised, nurtured and loved for 17 years, is a hero of mine.

May his beautiful soul rest in eternal peace......

Friday, February 14, 2014


God's Gift

I am God's gift
to this bountiful earth
Prepared for the one
who recognizes my worth
The one who will see
he needs no one but me
For it is I who satisfies
his every need

I am God's gift
to this wonderful life
and one day, I will make
a most beautiful wife
For my king
who will know, from one look
in my eyes
It is me
he has waited for all of his life
the queen for his kingdom
the one he has yearned for
the one all of those hard lessons
he learned for

I am God's gift
for the only one who sees
that I was put on this earth
for him to cherish me
for me to cherish he
for us to become a we
As I am unto him
He will be unto me....
God's Gift

c. Sameialika Tarver, March 2007

Monday, February 10, 2014

Singles Awareness Day: UPDATE

Singles Awareness Day is another name for Valentine’s Day. The day when single people are made painfully (hence the acronym, s.a.d) aware of just how single they are(as if they weren't on any other day)I heard, then wrote, about this alternative name & my perspective on it, two years ago. At that time, I was single so, I wrote about celebrating Valentine's Day aka Singles Awareness Day, without romantic love. Two years later, I am still single and my perspective remains the same. 

I still believe that spending quality time with yourself, a cherished relative or friend or even a group of people you may not know (singles event, for example) can be an enjoyable way to celebrate Valentine's Day. I would love to be the woman whose man goes out of his way for, on Valentine's Day (or any other day), but I will not let the absence of a romantic partner ruin my day. There will be no hate shown nor shade thrown on those around me, who will be celebrating with and celebrated by a significant other on Valentine's Day. In fact, I'm looking forward to spreading a little love myself...... 

Friday, February 7, 2014

BFly's Ode to Black Men

Since February is unoffficially/officially (depending on who you ask) the month to celebrate Black History and the mystery called Love, I'm gonna SET IT OFF with this...

BFly's Ode to Black Men

The mystery and history of thee Beautiful Black Man
is what keeps him hot as fire
he's the subject of many roundtables
the object of many desires

His walk is sexy & unique
individually perfected
specifically tweaked
the tone of his voice and the twinkle in his eye
is what captures my attention
keeps me attuned to my guy

I love the way he smirks when he's on top of his game
and the way his ears perk up when I call his name
his love for his kids is beautiful to see
what's more beautiful is when he's standing beside me
being inside me, loving all sides of me
knowing and believing without me there's no he

The mystery and history of my beautiful Black Man
is that NO ONE on earth can do it like he can

HIStory has shown that his strength is incredible
with spirit unleashed, determination is incomparable
possibilities are endless despite any obstacles
what he puts his mind to my man can attain
despite the color of his skin, the letters in his name

What I love, most of all, is the status he brings
for he's not just a black man
he is a King
I love, I admire and sometimes I can't stand 
but I'd rather live with 
than without
my Black Man

Sameialika Tarver 2012

Saturday, February 1, 2014


There are many ideas, definitions and misconceptions about that four-letter word, L O V E. It has been uttered (to and by me) in pure deception, more times than I care to remember. It took damn near all my life a while but I finally figured out what love means to me. In a sentence, I believe.....

Love is the emotion that inspires you to improve the quality of another person's life, moment by moment...... 

By this, I'm not (just) referring to extraordinary acts of romance, over the top gestures or luxurious gifts. The small things matter just as much as (if not more than) the big things. Pay attention to her habits, listen closely when she speaks of her wants, needs & desires (sometimes she hints, sometimes she says it straight up), ask about his favorite foods, movies, sports teams, etc, surprise him with a romantic, 5-course, home-cooked meal (or just some wings & beer for him and the fellas). Give each other compliments, back rubs, encouragement. Inquire if you can be of assistance in any way; and when you know your man/woman is struggling or feeling overwhelmed with something, take the initiative to resolve the issue (if it is within your power to do so). Expose them to something from your world that may be new to them, divulge secrets and share your dreams, randomly call or text, to say something nice, uplifting, enticing, sexy. Spend time with them doing things they like that you don't necessarily indulge or enjoy (go see that chick flick, car show, basketball game or play). Be honest, open, kind, considerate, compassionate, thoughtful, fun, funny, inspiring, encouraging, uplifting. Do things that make the other person feel blessed, happy and thankful that you are a part of their life.

Though it is nice to receive cards & gifts, LOVE is more about actions/behavior. Hearing those three little words can be like sweet music to my ears, but I prefer that you SHOW ME you love me more than you tell me.

What is your definition of L O V E ?

Monday, January 27, 2014


ONE: I am the eldest child of both my parents (Dad fathered 10 children, Mom birthed 4)

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

10,000 PLUS!

 Buttafly Diaries has been viewed more than 10,000 times! Thanks to all who follow and those who check in from time to are appreciated!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


Yes, kids, there are levels to this ish and here are 11* that you need to get very familiar with......

RULE 1: LIFE IS NOT FAIR - get used to it!

RULE 2: THE WORLD WON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SELF=ESTEEM. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3: YOU WILL NOT MAKE $60,000 A YEAR RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

RULE 4: IF YOU THINK YOUR TEACHER IS TOUGH, wait til you get a boss.

RULE 5: FLIPPING BURGERS IS NOT BENEATH YOUR DIGNITY. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

RULE 6: IF YOU MESS UP, IT'S NOT YOUR PARENTS' FAULT so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7: BEFORE YOU WERE BORN, YOUR PARENTS WEREN'T AS BORING AS THEY ARE NOW. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8: YOUR SCHOOL MAY HAVE DONE AWAY WITH WINNERS AND LOSERS, BUT LIFE HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9: LIFE IS NOT DIVIDED INTO SEMESTERS. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10: TELEVISION IS NOT REAL LIFE. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11: BE NICE TO NERDS. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

*Rules given by Mr. Charles Sykes, author of DUMBING DOWN OUR KIDS. 

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Dear Aja Metoyer.....the shame is on you, deal with it!

Dear Aja Metoyer, 

Let me get this straight: you've been sleeping with someone else's man for an undetermined period of time, you've admitted to not only being his mistress but being totally & utterly disrespectful to his woman by telling her (in a letter to the world) how her man 'made you feel comfortable' on her side of the bed, you became pregnant by this man and gave birth to his son then took to social media to rant and rave about 'what the truth is' regarding your status as being 'more than just a baby mama.' Right?  Yeah...dead wrong.
Now, I know it's none of my business; you don't know me and I don't know you; in fact, I don't even know Dwyane Wade or Gabrielle Union (although she is my sister in my head). But, I have a right to my opinion. I love to give it, solicited or not, and since I have a platform to do so, on this here blog, I'm going to do exactly that. It bothers me that (women like) you feel compelled to shame another woman because you can't handle your own shame by yourself. I know not the dynamics, details or dirty secrets of the Wade/Union relationship but what I do know is that, despite his rendezvous with you (and whatever other women may be in his back pocket), Gabby is always front and center, standing strong. She is the woman he celebrates with (moments big or small), the woman he takes silly pics with and posts on social media for all the world to see, the woman he spends holidays with, shares his life with, the woman he trusts to be a parental figure to his children. Gabrielle Union is the woman he takes on trips around the world, who he proclaims and exclaims his deep love & affection for, the one he refers to as his beautiful black queen, the one he recently pledged to commit his lifelong love to....but YOU'RE MAD??

Despite your sad and pitiful efforts to soil her name and cause her shame, Gabrielle Union's dimples are still in full effect (read, she's still smiling). She is proudly wearing the ring her man gave her, just a month after you gave birth to your son. From the looks of things, they will be going forward with their marriage plans so you can stop now. Stop trying to make Gabby look stupid and stop making a fool of yourself. Don't you think you've done enough by exposing details of your affair with him, getting pregnant and bringing a child into this world under these circumstances? What is it that you hope to accomplish by continuing to throw dirt on the Wade/Union relationship? Sure, there will be those who will judge Gabby, think of her as 'stupid,' 'desperate,' 'money-hungry' or other unflattering things but guess what? That's not going to get you what you want: to be in her shoes. You telling the world how you were flown here & there, in secret, what amenities you enjoyed in Gabby's absence and how much more you mean to Dwyane than what a side piece usually does, is not going to change the fact that they are together. Your admission to willingly being the poison in another woman's love life is nothing to be proud of, honey. To make matters worse, you are a mother of two female children. Is this what you want them to learn about how a woman carries herself and conducts herself in the dating world? Probably not. So, maybe you should put the muzzle on now and focus on taking care of that baby boy and those two girls. Find a way to move on and get your own man to love. I think your 15 minutes are way over.......good luck to you!

In no way is Dwyane Wade absolved of his responsibility in this matter. However, that is Gabrielle's business to handle, although I think she's been there and done that already. This letter/post is written to address the actions and unbecoming behavior of  one woman to another , specifically.