Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Scary World of Dating....

The dating world is intimidating, to say the least. Although I've never been married and haven't been in a serious, long-term relationship in years, I'm on the dating scene for the first time....and I don't know what to do. I've never had to 'look for' a mate or put myself out there to be 'found by' a mate. Every relationship (short or long, serious or casual) I've had has been with someone I already knew or, at least, was familiar with. They usually approached me and I never had to do much to 'make them' like me. I grew up in a place where 'everybody knows everybody,' I had the reputation of being a 'good girl,' and I come from a huge family so, if a guy didn't know me, he knew somebody who did. So I never had a problem with attracting men. Now, none of that matters.

I am in a city where no one knows my name, my reputation or has connections with anyone who could put in a word (good or bad) about me. I am single and ready, but scared to mingle. Scared, in the sense that I don't know what to expect, say or do. So scared that, when I'm in social situations, I give off body language that (according to my sister, whose word I trust) says I am NOT available, DO NOT talk to me, DO NOT approach me. Yet, I DO want to be approached and I would like to be spoken to. I think I allow my fear of saying or doing the wrong thing take over and I end up giving off the opposite vibe of what I really want. My lack of suitors isn't helped by the fact that I don't go out much, either. However, I did set up a profile on a dating site (that many have claimed to have found love on).

I don't know if my profile is a 'good' one, according to dating profile standards, but I think it's pretty decent. I have nice pictures of myself posted and my 'About Me' section is cool. I think my profile lets people know that I am serious, mature and fun. So far, I've been contacted by over 40 men but only 2 or 3 have stood out. I was given phone numbers by 5 but only gave my number to 1. He and I communicated by text only for over a week then I told him I would like to hear his voice (although I wish I didn't have to tell him that). I finally spoke to him a couple days later (after I initiated the phone call) and the conversation was....awkward. Although he seemed to be very interested, through text messages, his phone conversation showed otherwise. His tone was full of nonchalance & annoyance and his words were short & curt. The teeth pulling conversation lasted about 6 minutes then he said he would call me back but, he never did (just as I suspected). I'm not sure if I even want to talk to him again (although, for some reason, I feel 'pull' from this guy). As for the others, they seem to have a short attention span and a need for coaching in the communication department. The conversation is wack y'all! I don't want to be a skeptic and approach all situations with a "side eye" but the men I've come across so far make it hard for me not to.

I'm gonna give it a chance though. I've only been on the site for 3 weeks so I will give it some time. How much time is yet to be determined........

How do you feel about online dating? Have you had any success with it? Do you have any tips for a sista?