To commemorate my 40th year on earth, I had the most awesome birthday bashcation this past December. I enjoyed 10 days of fun in the sun & wild nights with 35 of my favorite relatives & friends. With my crew of 15 (which included my mother, 2 aunts and 2 'other mothers'), I spent the first 5 days of my bashcation on a cruise from Miami to Jamaica and the Grand Cayman Islands. Then, fresh off the cruise, 7 of us headed to Miami Beach where we met up with 20 more of my birthday bashcationers. Now, it's a well-known fact that Miami is a sexy ass city full of sexy ass people who like to show off their sexy asses. But somebody, somewhere made it a rule that, in order to be considered a sexy woman in Miami, you can't be over a size 8; and to be considered 'premium,' it is preferred that you have light-skin with long hair (real or otherwise). Who told me that? Well, those words weren't exactly spoken but....well, just let me give you the back story.....
While my crew and I were in Miami, we took a walk on the strip near South Beach, to do some shopping, sight-seeing and people-watching. We also thought it would be in our best interest to get on a guest list so we wouldn't have to stand in a long line or worry about getting into a party that night. After speaking with a few party promoters, one guy (referred to as 'dude' going forth) presented us with an offer we liked the sound of. Dude proceeded to take us to his 'office' to meet with his boy (aka HNIC) to seal the deal. When we reached the destination, HNIC had his face all screwed up and basically told dude he 'ain't got nothing to do with that.' At first, we were confused and then, I thought, 'Oh this dude is playing games' and I walked away. A few of the ladies stood there for another minute then, they got HNIC's drift: I'm not giving them anything. They soon joined me and we continued on our walk. A few blocks up the street, dude came up on us and one of my friends told him, in no uncertain terms, 'Back off! We're not interested in anything else you have to say.' But dude stuck around and asked my friend to stop and speak with him for a minute. She did.
When she caught back up with us, I was shocked by what she said he told her: HNIC threw us shade because, he only deals with skinny, pretty girls (like the girls he was talking to when we walked up; now I'm no hater but uhhhh, those chicks weren't even cute. Skinny, tall, with long hair and light skin...yes but not a gorgeous one in the crew). In HNIC's opinion, our crew was not up to par. In other words, your crew is fat and busted. The friend who spoke with dude is of petite stature, has brown skin and is a gorgeous girl (often compared to the beautiful Gabrielle Union). There were a few others in the group of slim to 'normal' weight and a few plus-sized (me included) but all of us are attractive. With all of our various shades, body shapes and sizes, each and every one of us is sexy. as hell...and we know it. So we were shocked that anyone thought otherwise. We never entertained the thought that we didn't look good enough to party in Miami. Dude assured my homegirl that he's 'not like that, that's just how it is in Miami,' and he wanted to help us out. While she could've easily gotten her name on the list, my girl stuck up for the crew. She let dude know she appreciated him telling us 'how it is,' but we didn't want his help. We were good.
I'm not gonna lie though, my chocolate, plus-sized, beautiful, sexy ass feelings were hurt; and I was ready to cuss HNIC out. Who the f*#k did he think he was?! He wasn't all that attractive his damn self! I thought about it for the rest of my bashcation and some days, since. You might be saying, 'Girl please, don't let that mess rent space in your mind,' but it's not just about that guy or that experience. It's something I've experienced, directly and indirectly, numerous times. Being overlooked in stores, disregarded and disrespected by family & friends (people have no problem speaking ill of fat people in my presence), mistreated by men, etc. etc. While I can honesty say, I feel beautiful in my chocolate skin, I cannot lie and say I feel good about my plus-sized body. I know I have a beautiful face and a beautiful spirit but when it comes to loving my body, I have good days and bad ones. I know my shape/weight is something I can control and change but, that doesn't lessen the sting of being subjected to people/situations such as that in Miami. Despite having negative thoughts regarding my weight, overall, I'm a gorgeous woman; and on most days, you can't tell my size 16 behind nothin'! Not only do I look good, but I am desirable and, most importantly, I am worthy (of South Beach's clubs and any other place). Somebody in Miami got it twisted!