The Grand-ness of it All

When I became a mother, it was the most joyous experience of my life. My heart was filled to the brim with so much love, I didn't think it could hold another ounce. Then along came a lil diva and, I swear, God must've increased my heart's capacity. Since the day my granddaughter was born, she has been the butter to my toast, cream to my coffee, the sugar to my sweet. I often wondered how any other grandchild to come along would ever fit in our grand lil world. Then we received a beautiful bundle of boy. Big difference. New kid in town. Whole otha ball game. Boy vs. Girl. Brand New Heart Compartment. Love overflowing. No competition necessary.

I have the best of both worlds.

Delightful.

Happy.
Joyful.
Two hands full.
Blessings.
Wonderful additions.
Immeasurable pleasure.

Of course, life with/for them is sometimes stressful, frustrating and difficult, as well but my daughter can better attest to that aspect. When it comes to Gida (that's me), life with the grands is pure bliss. I'm not the kind of grandmother who takes the kids to church or sits in a rocking chair to read a story or bakes cookies, pies and cakes but I do schedule, spend and enjoy quality time with them. And I must admit, they are great little people to be around.

My oldest grandchild is an outgoing, talkative, busy, inquisitive, energetic, beautiful, intelligent, outspoken little girl who has personality for days. She loves to take pictures, of herself and others. She enjoys all the lil girly things, like nail polish and pretty clothes, yet she will get down in the dirt or climb the highest tree right along with the boys. She makes a friend wherever she goes and her 'claim to fame' is telling it like it is. She is known as our 'grandiva,' and at just five years old, she lives up to every letter of that name.

My grandson, aka the grandada, is 3 months shy of 2 years old and is quite the character, in his own right. He is the yin to his big sister's yang. Where she's loud & obnoxious, he's cool, calm & collected. Where she's sensitive and tender, he's strong and tough. She pushes him down, he gets back up.....and still worships the ground she walks on. In real life and play, she's the teacher and he's the attentive student; which has been a blessing and a curse. In trying to keep up with 'Sis' (as he calls her), he quickly learned to walk, talk and throw tantrums. He communicates well, with words and in sentences, asserts his independence regularly, commands and demands attention. He also loves the camera and knows how to take selfies, is quite skilled in basketball and is already a heartthrob.

It's truly amazing, how smart and insightful these two kids are. No, seriously. I'm really not just saying this because they are mine. Every time I am with them, I learn something new. Whenever I am around them, they remind me, or give me new reasons, why they are so awesome. Make no mistake, I'm not one of those grandparents who thinks every little thing they do is cute, wonderful and supercallifragilisticexpialidocious. I do redirect, correct and discipline them, when necessary. However, even in their brattiest moments, I think they are the best kids ever. From the start, being a grandparent has been a beautiful and incomparable experience. There really are no words to fully describe just how special grand-love is. I often tell people, "It's love on a whole 'nother level." The feelings I get when they exclaim my name or hug me ever-so-tightly or give me sweet, butterfly kisses are like sunbursts to my soul. One day, I learned, those sunbursts come through even when the grands are not around.

Perched upon my desk at work are two frames of the grandiva and grandada together; one photo of them in their holiday best and the other, their fashionable school flick. This particular day wasn't special or extraordinary; nor was it the first time I looked at (those particular) pictures of my grandchildren. I just happened to glance that way and, once they caught my attention, I lingered for a moment and smiled. Then, suddenly, I felt a lump in my throat and tears began to sting my eyes. There was a swirling in my chest and I thought, 'What the hell is going on here?!' I was overwhelmed with emotion. I literally had to talk myself out of crying. Once the moment passed, I laughed and shook my head at myself for being such a sap.

It was in that moment I realized, with that kind of joy in my world, life surely is grand!

HOME

So, I flew into my hometown last night for a surprise visit. My daughter had no clue I was coming so she was pleasantly shocked to see me walking into her apartment. She and my granddaughter were soundly sleeping when I arrived and although it was a school/work night, I had to wake them up. The grandiva was not happy to be awakened and she had no problem with hurting my feelings with her resistance. But once she was fully awake and realized her Gida was actually in the bed with her (yes, I got under the covers with her, fully clothed), she lit up. Then she scolded me for being in the bed with clothes on. We spent a couple hours hanging out then she reluctantly went back to sleep. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed she woke up, 6 hours later, ready for more quality time with her Gida. My eyes were burning from lack of sleep but, of course, I got right up with her. I contemplated spending the day with the grandiva, thinking she would not want to leave me to go to school. But she made it very clear that skipping a day of play with her friends was not on her mind. She enthusiastically got ready for school and, as she made her way out the door, she put up two fingers and said, 'Peace Gida!'....but only after she made sure I would be there when she returns.

My next stop was my mother's house. I decided to go there while she was at work and visit with my cousin and grandmother. I was anxious to see my grandmother's reaction to me since she had promptly forgotten who I was when I moved away. I spoke with my grandmother on the phone, a few days after I made it to Charlotte, and she did not know who she was talking to. She didn't remember my voice or my name. I cried. It broke my heart. At 90 years old, it's to be expected and I knew she had forgotten a lot of people. But never did I think she would forget me, especially not that fast. I was worried my leaving would cause my grandmother to become depressed or even sick, so when I thought about it, I realized her forgetting me was actually a blessing for her. She would not become heartsick or miss someone she did not remember. Still, I held out the hope that, if she saw me in person, her memory would be revived. When I arrived at the house, I walked straight in the unlocked door. After being greeted by my startled cousin with a bear hug, I stood face to face with my grandmother and said, 'Hiiiii Grandma! and wrapped my arms around her. When I pulled away, I asked her, 'Do you remember me?' She said, 'Yes but I haven't seen you in a while.' Whew! she remembers, I thought. A few minutes later, I asked her if she knew who I was and she said, 'no.' I told her my name and I told her I am her granddaughter. She just nodded and said, 'Well, I'm glad to see you' with the unspoken words 'whoever you are' lingering in the air. Nevertheless, I am happy she is still with us and I feel blessed to be in her presence.

As I sit here and wait for my mother's arrival home, my head aches due to fatigue resulting from the late night/early morning I had with my grandchild, my ears are being assaulted by my cousin's loud enjoyment of raisins she's eating, my eye is irritated from the love I received from our very excited-to-see-me dog (I am allergic to animal hair yet I can't resist her doggie hugs) and my arms are cold due to the NY fall temperatures that my short sleeved shirt is not suited for. Yet, it all feels and sounds so good because, no matter the new places you go, people you meet or experiences you have......there's no place like home!

What's In A Name?

Becoming a grandparent at a young age (under 50) is very different from becoming one at a more mature age (60+). Not only physically but, your lifestyle is probably more suitable for grandparenthood at 60 than at 30- or 40-something. What about ages 50-59, you may be wondering? Well, I think that's an in-between stage where one may not expect but would welcome a little bundle of grandjoy with wide open arms. At any age, preparing for 'Grand' status includes coming up with a name you'd like to be called by your grandchildren. This process is more complex when you have to do this during a time you still consider yourself to be part of a young crowd (notice, I didn't say, 'the' young crowd). You don't want to deny your 'grand' status; at the same time, being called Grandma/Grandpa don't seem to fit and are usually out.of.the.question.

As a 37 year old (who is often thought to be a 20-something year old), with a very active social life, I knew I had to come up with something different and fly. Something that was not only grand but special to just us. It was difficult to do, but I finally came up with two names I thought were fitting:'G'va' (short for Grand Diva, pronounced Jee-va) or 'Gammi' (a remix of my nickname, which is 'Sammi'). When the grandiva (aka granddaughter) began to say Mommy, Daddy and other words, I attempted to teach her to call me 'G'va' then 'Gammi' But, for some reason, she would never say either one. Then one day, she called me 'Gida' (like Reeda with a hard 'G'). I looked at my daughter and asked, 'What did she say??' The grandiva said it again and proceeded to ask me for something (I forget exactly what else she was trying to say). Then it clicked that she was calling me 'Gida.' My daughter and I were like, 'Huh? Where in the world did she get that frommmmm???' We had no clue how she came up with that name, but, from that day on, she called me 'Gida.' So, I said, 'Hey, I'll take it (as if I really had a choice)!'

One day, I decided to look it up on the internet to see if it was really a word or name that, perhaps, means something in another language. So I googled it....and could not believe what I found. GIDA: a Zulu name for girls, meaning 'to dance & rejoice' (I'm not known for dancing but I got a few cute moves and I love to rejoice & celebrate). The definition goes on to say,GIDA’s potential involves questing a destiny along a variety of paths that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen and composers. GIDA also has the destiny to sell herself or sell just about any product that comes along. GIDA is imaginative in her presentation and may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. GIDA is an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. GIDA is friendly, loving and social. People like GIDA because she is charming and such a good conversationalist. Her ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is her role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around her.

GIDA wants to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by self or with subordinates. GIDA takes pride in her abilities and wants to be recognized for them. GIDA may seek opportunities to display her strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In her desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, GIDA may often leave the details to others. Ambitious and determined, GIDA is a leader seeking opportunities and possesses a great deal of honesty and loyalty. GIDA is very attainment oriented and driven to success. GIDA is a loyal friend and strictly fair in her business dealings.


If you know me, you'll agree that this describes me to a 'T.' If you don't know me, just....take my word for it. GIDA is definitely me. I don't know who/what put this name in the mind & mouth of my grandiva, at the age of just 18 months old, but it is perfect....and exactly what I wanted. It's different, unique and special to just us. I love the sound of it, the meaning of it and most of all, I love that she came up with it on her own. It not only holds sentimental value but to me, it is also spiritual in nature because it speaks to the very person that I am. What's in a name? Individuality, beauty, significance and love. GIDA. Like the perfect dress, the name suits me and fits me like a glove.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Today is my granddaughter's first birthday.............HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAR ST*R!

one of many gran'divalicious photos from her

First Birthday Photo Shoot....

......and though she has no idea of how special this day is, her parents and family are excited about it. So excited that her soon-to-be step-grandma set up a special birthday photo shoot, complete with custom-made outfits, props and a special-ordered birthday cake.  I wasn't surprised that A'shari would be taking birthday pictures because her parents have taken her to get photos taken for every month of her life.  So, this month would be no different.  And what a photo shoot it was!  I'm not permitted to post too many of the exclusive photos so I have these few on this post and I may post a few more later.  Anyway, I thought I would be spending this day with my gran'diva, getting in some quality G'ammi time, but her parents have hijacked my plans and are taking Lil' Miss A'shari out on the town.  Sooooooooooo, I guess I'll see her when she gets home.

Birthday photo-shoot cake.....

In the meantime, a big birthday bash is planned for this weekend and....I dread it.  It's not that I don't want to celebrate my grandbaby and her first year of life.  I just think it's such a waste of money for parents to spend a lot of money and put in so much effort for a baby's 1st birthday.  I mean, the kid has no idea it's their birthday and more than likely, will feel more aggravated than celebrated by all of the people who are sure to be in their faces for hours on end.  Then, you factor in all the noise, the 'scary' characters that people sometimes hire and it's really just a recipe for Baby Meltdown.  I understand parents want to go all out for their little one and show everyone how special their kid is but.....Baby's First Birthday Bash......really?

Don't get me wrong, my daughter certainly had a first birthday party but I believe we celebrated it at McDonald's...or maybe it was at the house.  See?  I can't even remember it so I know she damn sure doesn't.  Anyway, I tried to convince my daughter to 'dare to be different' and keep it simple: hot dogs, hamburgers, salad, chips and cake at the house with close relatives and friends. All the money that will be spent on a party can be used for more important things like, my daughter's college tuition, baby's necessities or baby's savings account.  Start a new family tradition for celebrating birthdays: memorable experiences that include travel, culture and character-building. But, noooooooooooooooo, she wouldn't hear of it.  A'shari has to have a big party and invite every person she knows. That's it and that's all.  So, this weekend we'll be celebrating the gran'diva's first year of life in the way of A Berry Big Birthday Bash with Strawberry Shortcake themed everything; complete with a professional photo set up, custom-made birthday cake and personalized games.  I'm sure it's gonna be great fun, with lots of good food, people, music (yes, the girl is even gonna have a DJ playing strawberry shortcake-themed music) and many great moments to cherish. 

Too bad the birthday girl won't remember any of it.  SMH

yummmmm........good!

SUNDAYS with BFly.......

In two days, my gran'diva will turn One Year Old.....wow.  I know it's cliche, but it really does seem like just yesterday that I was ready to wring my daughter's neck and drop her narrow behind between the slits in a sewer cover for getting pregnant at such an inappopriate, unplanned for and totally not-ready-for time.  Ooh, I could've killed that girl! I digress......anyway, obviously, I got over it and from the moment I laid eyes on the gran'diva, in the womb (via ultrasound), I was in love. 

A'shari Q. A. Cooper is one delightful little girl with whom I plan to make great memories, spend tons of money, energy and time and just love, love, love until I can't love no mo'!  Having her in our lives has changed our circumstances drastically......but more for the better than not.  Watching my daughter grow and mature in ways she probably wouldn't have otherwise, at this age is both sobering and refreshing.  I'm convinced that A'shari aka Shar Star aka the gran'diva aka....okay, I'll stop now (hahaha)....was given to us for a few reasons: ONE, to motivate her mother to, not only hold fast to her goals & dreams but to put in that work to make them happen; TWO, to inspire her 89 year old great-great grandmother (my beloved grandma) to get up every morning and continue to live, laugh and love. The two of them together are like old friends....they each light up the other's life with their mere presence; and THREE, to remind her G'ammi (that's me) what pure, unconditional love is all about, to invigorate my spirit and push me to live life on the next level.

I remember being a pregnant teen and vowing to myself that I would not drop out of school (like my mother and alot of people predicted or thought I would) and I would not become a statistic.  Yes, I would have a baby and have to repeat the 11th grade but, by golly, I will walk across that stage with my head held high, if it's the last thing I do......and I did.  After graduating high school, I remember feeling like, 'I can't stop, won't stop.' Sure, I lost a scholarship due to my year late graduation but there were other schools I could apply to.  So, I did.....and I went on to college, leaving my 3 year old daughter at home and a relationship that I desperately wanted but knew was falling apart.  All through my college years (took me 6 years to complete my bachelor's degree), I struggled with trying to make that relationship work, take care of my daughter and earn my degree.  The one thing that kept me going was wanting to be better and do better for my child.

As did her mother, my gran'diva inspires me to stay strong in the game.  Her smile and laughter keep my spirits high, her growth and discovery make me want to learn and experience more....even her tears give me strength, as they remind me that continued patience is a virtue (cause that big mouth of hers sure can inspire one to lose their mind....lol) and communication is key.  She is a wonder to behold and for that, I can now let go of the plans & dreams I had for my daughter yesterday and give all praises due today, for the wonderful blessing of my granddaughter.   

Who or what uplifts your spirit and inspires you to be better?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's 2012, Dear Reader ('DR') and I don't know about you but I feel big change a-coming!  This past holiday season was great and much different from any other I've experienced.  It was my first as a grandmother, which still sounds crayyyyzeeee to me but it is my reality.  My gran'diva (as I affectionately refer to my granddaughter) enjoyed everything from Halloween through New Year's Eve.  She had three outfits for Halloween; one for her professional photo shoot (pumpkin), one for daytime at day care (orange & black outfit wishing everyone a, 'Happy Halloween') and the show-stealing party costume (Little Black Kitty).  Of course, she had no clue as to why she had to don all these outfits and be blinded by a million flashing lights throughout the course of the day but she looked good and smiled (sometimes) for the cameras.  I don't recall seeing her eat any sweets but I'm sure somebody slipped her a lollipop or two at one time or another. 

For Thanksgiving, the little turkey looked extra special in her gold, shimmery sweater dress and brown fur-trimmed booties with hair accessories to match.  She had to look good for all her special appearances scheduled for the day.  Baby had three families looking forward to spending time with her on her first Thanksgiving and, somehow, she and Mom pulled it off....dinner with G'ammi, PahPah and Nana. Whew!  I get exhausted just thinking about it.  She had a great time eating all the wonderful, soft foods her little belly could stand.  Even without a tooth in sight, baby girl savored many flavors of her first Thanksgiving Day.

Baby's First Christmas was the most charming, funny, fun and whimsical Christmas I've experienced in a long time.  It was not only special because of our newest family addition but also because my sis and niece came all the way to the northeast from North Carolina, to spend Christmas with us.  The long weekend was filled with parties, shopping and lots of quality family time.  Our little darling couldn't get enough of her first Christmas tree and the ornaments, of course.  Every day was a joy and a scramble; between her delight with and seeming determination to destroy the holiday decor, we were stir crazy! 

She may not have known what was going on but she enjoyed every bit of it.  The best part of it all was on Christmas Day, when it was time for her to open her gifts.  We weren't sure if she would do the unwrapping or Mommy & Daddy would but boy, did she show us!  There was no mistaking her unwrapping skills; she pulled and ripped and even bit the paper off of her first gift. Her enthusiasm didn't wane as she went on to unwrap her other gifts.  In fact, she was still trying to unwrap other people's gifts in the days following.....LOL   

Of course, her first holiday season wouldn't have been complete without an awesome wardrobe to match.  Check out the gran'diva in a few of her holiday looks:

Our very own little Christmas tree..

Baby's 1st Christmas dinner.....

Golden Girl, all ready for Christmas morning service.....

Merry 1st Christmas, A'shari!

And finally, I brought the new year in with the gran'diva.  No grand parties, glittery clothing and glamorous cocktails for me, this time around.  Up until the last possible minute, I hemmed and hawwed on what I was going to do for New Year's Eve: go out to a party, host a party or forget partying altogether.  I opted to just 'forgetaboutit' because I didn't want to be out on the road and not enough people showed interest in attending a house party.  So, the gran'dvia and I got comfy, sent the #1 daughter/Mommy on her way and watched a movie.  Well, I tried to watch a movie but lil' miss thang wasn't having it.  As tired as she was, she fought sleep with every ounce of energy she had and didn't settle down into a good 30 minute nap sleep until precisely the stroke of midnight.  She woke just before one but went back to sleep shortly after.....then, I wanted to party! 

 

A Dream Deferred......

Being an in-residence grandmother, I don't have the luxury of inviting or bringing my grandchild over to my house, enjoying my time with her then returning to sender.  Making surprise visits to my daughter's home is not an option.  Whisking my granddaughter off for a weekend away with G'ammi just ain't gonna happen.......at least, not now.  You see, there's a difference between being the kind of grandparent that kids anticipate seeing on the weekends and vacations and the kind who are in their faces every. single. datblam (family euphemism for the blasphemous gd). day!  Growing up, I loved to go to either of my grandparents' houses (paternal grandmother and maternal grandparents).  I knew, once there, I'd have more freedom than I could dream of having at home; my cousins, sisters and I could run amuck and there was sure to be some kind of edible treats.  If I went to Grandma & Grandpa's house, money was definitely in the cards as Grandpa loved to make his grandbabies happy by dishing out the green.  Some of my most treasured and wonderful memories were made with or at the houses of my grandparents. Which is why I vowed to be the greatest grandparent I could be to my grandchildren, when my time came.  Well, my time came much sooner than I anticipated or appreciated. 

When I thought of my life as a grandmother, I imagined..........I would move in with my daughter after she gave birth to help her and her husband with their first run at parenthood; I would call to check in from whatever city, state or country I was in at any given time; I figured I'd be doing drive-bys (dispensing love and gifts, not bullets) on the weekends. I wanted to be the grandma who would make travel arrangements, day spa appointments and shopping trips especially for me and my grands. I wanted to be a spontaneous, fun-loving, spoil-grands-rotten kind of grandmother.  But, I'm not quite that kind......yet. Since she lives with me, I see my granddaughter every day, except for the weekends when she goes to visit her other grandparents.  Don't get me wrong, I love seeing her every day and on the days I don't, I get some peace and quiet miss her.  But I wish I had a choice on whether or not I saw her every day and I wish our time together felt more like a retreat than an overstayed welcome.

Because my daughter is a first-time Mom and a growing, maturing and still learning about life young woman, I have to play the role of 2nd Mom more than I get to play Gammi the G'va (that's Grandma & Diva rolled into one).  I make bottles, wash bottles, do feedings, bath time, play time, nap time, bedtime, middle-of-the-night-soothing time, calm-yo-behind-down-before-I-skin-it time.....none of which fit into the times I had planned in my mind.  Granted, I don't do all of these things every singe day and some I've only done a few times BUT, the combined efforts I feel obligated to put forth cuts into my 'Gammi Time.'  So much so that I don't believe I've ever spent a full 24 hours with my gran'diva alone. I don't babysit her for more than a few hours at a time and I only babysit once in a good while. When she goes away on the weekends, I feel like I'm getting almost as big of a break as my daughter gets. Of course, I miss the gran'diva when she's away but I'm also glad to see somebody else get a taste of her baby-wrath her go on the weekends. One day, I'll be able to be the kind of grandmother I yearn to be.....but for now, I'll make the best of our family arrangements. Fortunately, for all involved, my gran'diva has other grandparents, aunts and uncles who love her to pieces and enjoy spending time with her.  My daughter has an awesome support system and for that, I am thankful!