CREAMY CRACK / I DON'T WANNA BE WHITE / IT'S MY PREROGATIVE......

I have been a 'natural' gal for over 3 years; natural meaning my hair has not been chemically straightened. The journey from getting relaxers to no chemical straightening was much easier than I thought it would be. However, the maintenance of that existence is just as difficult as I imagined it would be. It all started when, I decided, I needed a change after wearing different variations of the mohawk hairstyle. There's only so much you can do with a mohawk, so, I decided to chop it all off. I didn't do it with the intention of 'going natural;' I just liked the way I looked when I held my hair down and could see nothing but face in the mirror. I literally said, aloud, 'Damn, I'm pretty!' The barber who cut it off and shaped me up agreed.

I wore the brush-cut style for months, then I decided to let my hair grow back. I figured, once it reached a certain length, I could get a relaxer and a different hairstyle. But, when it grew and I saw the true texture of my hair (that I hadn't seen since I was about 12, 13 years old), I liked it. In fact, I loved it. I remembered having a 'nice' texture of hair but didn't quite recall what that looked like. I'm a 'nappy girl,' for sure, but there's a wide range of 'nappiness' and I happen to fall into the 'not-so-bad' range. Now, I'm not one of those people who uses the term 'good hair' (which is usually used to describe someone's hair that is straight, wavy or curly, with not a nap in sight) nor do I believe, 'there is no such thing as good hair.' People can try to make themselves or others feel better by saying that, but (I'm sorry), it's just not true. On one extreme, there are some curl patterns that are extremely tight & dense (that I wouldn't even describe as 'curl' patterns) which makes the hair hard to manage and difficult (or impossible) to mold or manipulate into any styles other than braids or an afro. On the other extreme, there is straight hair, with not a hint of wave or curl that makes it difficult to wear most hairstyles in its natural state. That's what I would call 'bad hair.' However, there are many hair types in between that allow for alot of maniupulation, variety and beautiful styling. That is what I would describe as 'good hair.'

I'm not really sure where my hair fits on the a-b-c (hair types) scale but I like to describe it as 'cotton curl.' It looks good and is quite manageable in its natural state. When it's wet, the curl pattern is tight & springy; when it's dry, the curl pattern is tight and soft. I like to wear it in various forms of the afro and I also like to do different kinds of 'twist-outs' (where you braid or twist the hair then keep it in that style for a few hours or overnight, then unravel hair to create a curly, coily or wavy hairstyle). However, maintaining the health of my hair and creating hairstyles takes A LOT of time, energy and product (money). I look forward to getting much (if not all) of my original length back but the more my hair grows, the more frustrated I get with the upkeep. Which is why, thoughts of the 'creamy crack' cross my mind, often.

'Creamy crack' is the name somebody (probably a naturalista) gave to relaxer products that are used to straighten the hair. Although there is a great number of women who have 'gone to rehab' and gotten their naps back, there are still many women who are still addicted to what the relaxer does for their hair. I was once addicted and though I no longer need that fix, at times I sure do want it. Sometimes, I want it, to be able to wear my own hair in certain styles and feel the air on my scalp as my tresses bounce and blow in the wind. Sometimes, I want it, so I can wear certain weave styles and get my various states of 'diva' on. And sometimes, I want a relaxer, because my hair would be much more manageable and require less daily maintenance. Whatever the reason is, it ain't got a damn thing to do with denying my blackness or 'wanting to be white' or being 'brainwashed by europeans' or any other shitty notion some people come up with to try to make a sista feel guilty, bad or 'less-than'. I don't care how I wear my hair, I know I'm a black woman, I love being a black woman and I am going to express my black woman-ness in straight hair, curly hair, nappy hair, weaved, braided, long, short or round-the-way hair. Whatever style I choose, these facts will remain constant.....I'M BLACK and I'M PROUD! BLACK GIRLS ROCK! MY BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL! ....got it? Ok.

Family Ties....Untied (?)

As I've mentioned previously in this blog, I come from a big family and sizable group of friends with whom I spend a considerable amount of time. We've had wonderful times together and made great memories, whether it's in celebration of a holiday, birthday, milestone, achievement or 'just because.' We just love to be together. However, it's all coming to a bittersweet crossroad. Sweet, because it involves major change, new places, people, things and experiences; Bitter, because it involves major change, loss of fellowship (as we've known it for forever), physical closeness & proximity and a shaking up of stability & security. As very close siblings/relatives/friends, my group (affectionately known as Angelz & Co.) does almost everything together. We're always at each other's homes, in each other's cars, shopping together, eating together, drinking together, crying, laughing and fighting together. We do almost everything together. Not always as the entire group, but at least 2 of us are together on any given day. That is about to change....in a major way...and it ain't gonna be easy for any of us.

My sister (who I'll refer to, from now on, as 'QB') and I are planning to move out of state in the very near future, to 2 separate states. She and I are the eldest of the crew and are the leaders, for the most part. If any of our siblings or friends need (to know) or want (to do) something, more than likely, they will consult with me or QB....and more than likely, QB or I will (help) work it out/make it happen. For instance, if someone wants to have a party for themselves, their child, friend/relative, they will probably call me. They will expect for me to pull details together and make sure things get done properly. For family gatherings, such as holidays, summer BBQ's, etc., they will likely call on QB....and she will pull it together. There's a sister or sf we call on for hairdos, a sister we call on to borrow money from, a sister we call on for fashion advice/assistance, a sister we call on for babysitting or emergency pickups/dropoffs, a sister we call on for conflict backup....there's a sister or sf to call on for just about everything. To not have that is going to be a major shock to each of our systems and is going to be a major adjustment to adapt to.

Granted, there will still be 4 sisters (and one brother, who does his own thing outside of us, most of the time) living in our hometown but it's just not going to be the same. I may be giving myself and QB too much credit but I'm afraid that our siblings are not going to keep our 'Angelhood' alive. I'm afraid for that, because they usually rely on one of their big sisters to initiate family gatherings and group activities. I'm afraid for that because they get easily upset, annoyed, frustrated and their 'idgaf' (I don't give a f*^k) switch gets turned on too easily. I'm afraid for that because I won't be around to 'save the day.' However, in recent months, we each have gotten better with communicating and relating to each other, so I will pray on it. I will pray and I will have faith that my siblings will not let the 'Angelhood' crumble; that they will, in fact, stand taller....be better. I pray that, with these major changes that are about to occur in our lives, the ties that have bound us together for so long, will not come undone; that they will be lengthened and strengthened so that they will hold us together even closer.

BOOKS: How many of us have them.....and how many is too many?

As I prepare to check one more thing (relocation) off of my 40 in 40 List, I am faced with a dilemma - to bring or not to bring?


I've been wanting to move out-of-state for the past few years and have even set a few moving dates. But, it never seemed to be the 'right' time....until now. Baby girl has finally left the nest and Mom has moved in to care for Grandma so there is nothing to stop me from making moves. The last date I set was April 28th so I started packing my things in February. I think I did a pretty good job of weeding out the unnecessary and managed to box up everything, except for my clothing & personal use items and my books. Ahhhhhh, my book collection!

If you didn't know, I love Love LOVE to read....and I have many books and magazines to prove it. I have no idea just how many books I own (maybe I'll put 'count books' on my to-do list) but I own quite a few. I finally took them off of their shelves and put them into boxes last weekend. Then, I thought to myself, 'Do I really need to take all of these books with me?' I mean, I've read most of them; out of, say 150, I've read at least 140. Over the years, in response to various people remarking that I need to give my books away, I've said, 'I just might want to read them again.' Yet, I can't think of a time I've actually re-read any of my books. I liked the thought of having them there, though, just in case. Now, I'm rethinking that thought.

I have three boxes of heavy, already read (and truthfully, out of my head) books: small ones, large ones, thin ones, extra-thick ones, sad, happy, glad-to-be-nappy ones, paper back, hardcover and even audio-taped ones. How many of these books do I really need to keep? It's one thing to carry them, locally, from residence to residence but, do I love them that much to ship them across state lines??? I don't know about that. As much as I opposed them, when they first came out, feeling much like Amanda Talar (read her, she's awesome!), I've come to appreciate my Kindle. Not only do I love the convenience & lightness of it (just throw in purse & go), I've also come to like the feel of it in my hand....almost as much as I like the feel of an actual book. I have enough books in my Kindle 'unread' collection to keep me busy for the next month or two, so why can't I say 'bye-bye' to my hardcopies and move on with my e-copies?

I mean, as much as I'd like to believe I will, I probably won't ever go back and read any of the books I have sitting in boxes taking up space, waiting to be shipped to and stored in another state. The more I think about it, the more I think, 'Nahhhhhh....don't do it.' Not only will it save me a few dollars in shipping costs, but it will also save me time and energy that I will use to organize them in a new place. So, I think I will go through them, take out the few that I really love (my favorites, that I juuuuuuuust might peek at again...or give away) and the ones I haven't read yet and get rid of the rest. I would never just throw out a book, of course, but I will donate some and sell some at the garage sale I will be participating in, in the near future. I feel a sense of relief already, with that being said, so I can just imagaine how I'll feel when I actually do it. Yup, sounds like a plan!

See what writing down your thoughts and feelings can do for you?


P.S. Now my O Magazine collection? That's a whole 'nother story/post! ;-)

CHANGE

As I’ve stated before, this blog started out in one direction then I decided to switch lanes. I thought it would be better…….more interesting……if my blog didn’t have a theme….if I just talked about different things & various topics.  But I didn’t take into consideration that I am very much an organized, theme-oriented person.  Whenever I contemplate hosting any kind of event, whether it’s a last-minute, friends & family gathering or a monumental occasion, I have to think of a theme for it. For me, things just flow better that way. Everyone has their own way of doing things and organizing their lives. Some people haphazardly navigate through life with no plan or half of a plan, no clear direction or particular grouping.  I can’t operate like that.  Most, not all, things have to be done in a particular order or with some semblance of uniformity.  When I go grocery shopping, all of the cold things must be bagged with similar or like products, household items with other household items, boxes & cans with other boxes & cans, etc. etc.; when I take a shower, I must begin the body cleanse with my left arm and end with a cloth-free facial wash;   When I watch TV, I prefer to sit in a particular chair or position on the bed with a drink or snack beside me (I know, that’s badbadbad); When I plan a vacation or major event (such as moving, a party, life-changing habits)  the dates & times must coincide with another date/time of some significance (i.e., beginning right after or ending right before a pay period, surrounding & including a birthday, holiday, milestone, etc. or the beginning or ending of a week, month or year).  Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying I can’t be spontaneous. That I can do and is entirely something else.  Being spontaneous usually doesn’t include doing something that involves a major expense, extended time investment or long-term commitment.  There is no planning in spontaneity so that is not what I am referring to.  I am talking about making major moves or doing something that involves quite a bit of personal commitment.  To do something like that, in a randomly fashion just. doesn’t. feel. right. to me.  That being said, I will be taking my blog in another direction.

For years, I have thought about writing an article, short story, book series, novel, screenplay…..and blog about my experiences as a girl, as a young adult, as a woman, as a Black woman, as an overweight Black woman, as an overweight Black woman who is also a mother……a lover, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, an employee, an employer, a leader, a follower, a teacher, a student, etc. etc.  Yet, I kept telling myself that ‘nobody wants to hear about that sh*t.’  Well, I’m silencing Negative Nancy and I’m going to do just what my heart has always desired. I am going to blog about, write about, talk about my life experiences and the effects they’ve had on me.  If you want to read about it, good……if you’ll read & respond, even better……if you don’t care to read about any of it, that’s fine too.  Whatever your choice, it won’t stop me from doing what I truly want to do.  So, for those who want to stay with me, please have a little patience as I work on the technical aspects of bringing my new blog to life.  In the meantime, please read, comment on & share what I’ve written thus far. Those, for whom the journey stops here, well, I thank you for coming along.  In either event...

The Buttafly Diaries will continue………

STATS

Today begins my ’90-Day BFly Kickoff’ as well as, my ’40 in 40 Bday Bucket List.’ My BBL hasn’t reached 40 things yet but I’m sure it will, in due time. As of now, my list stands at 22. 

I am starting out my 90 day kickoff as an official member of Weight Watchers and my stats are as follows:

WEIGHT - 225 lbs.

ANKLES – 9.25 in.

WRISTS – 6.5 in.

THIGHS – 25 in.

BICEPS – 13.5 in.

NECK – 14.75 in.

BELLY – 48 in. (I know….whoa!)

CLOTHING SIZE - 18
SHOE SIZE - 8, 8.5

PHOTO (to be added tonight or tomorrow)

Now let me ask, how many of you would share this information with the world?  Yup, about 5….that’s what I thought! I’m not ashamed of my measurements though….this is who I am, who I built myself up to be. If I want them to be different, then it’s up to me to reshape my body and my mind, one day at a time.  I’m not afraid to share this information because it is my hope that I will help someone else who may be in the same or similar predicament.  Knowledge is power and believing in yourself is an immeasurable motivator.  Through my challenges and triumphs, I hope someone will be inspired to feel better, do better, be better!

*Progress Report #1 next Thursday

Insanity or Resolve?

 

 

As most people (who know me) know, I’ve been battling the bulge for many years. I started out needing to lose 10-15 lbs after giving birth to my daughter and now, I’m on a mission to lose 75. Yeah…..WHOA…..what a difference! Pre-pregnancy, I weighed 134 lbs.  Post-delivery, I weighed 150. Three years later, I went away to college weighing 160 lbs.; at the end of  2 yrs., I came home weighing 180 lbs. From that point, my weight gradually increased: reaching a one-time, short-lived high of 250, hovering around the 237-240 range for a good 10 years and now hanging at 226 lbs. A few times during my battle, I did lose a significant amount of weight only to gain it all back plus some. You may have heard it before and I am here to attest to its truthfulness, if your mind ain’t right, your body won’t be either. Trying to lose weight without dealing with the mental/emotional component of why you are the size you are is a waste of time. You may make some progress but it won’t be sustained permanently. Let me give you an example of how your mental status affects your physical stature: About 15 years ago, I decided I was going to lose weight once and for all. I weighed around 190 lbs at the time. I suppressed my appetite with a pill and walked my way to 155 lbs. I don’t remember how long it took for me to lose the weight but I know I maintained the loss for, at least, the entire summer. At the time, although I knew I looked great, I was still bigger than what I wanted to be and the biggest of most of my sisters and friends. Mentally, I was a big fat whale. The way I felt in my body then is the same way I feel in it now: smothered & hidden. The way I look at myself in pictures now is the same way I looked at myself in pictures then: way too big. I thought I was huge then, but I’d give almost anything to be 155 lbs. now. When I look back at those pictures today, I say to myself & aloud, ‘Damn, I looked good!’  At the time, though, I was constantly being told by a certain someone that I did NOT look good…..and I internalized that and believed it (shaking my head @ the memory....woosaahh!). Unfortunately, due to the unrealistic method I used (taking pills) coupled with my mental state, I quickly gained back the 35 pounds I had lost and gradually, an additional 50+.  

 

During the time I gained the bulk of my weight, I was dealing with a devastating breakup and had involved myself in a series of placating ‘relationships’ with guys that, in the end, only magnified the pain I was already feeling. In addition to that, I never liked to cook and my skills were (are) limited so my daughter and I ate out A LOT. Fast food became my steady companion…..and has been ever since. Over the years, I’ve used powders, shakes and pills to lose weight more times than I care to count and I have no desire to try any of those again. However, there is one program that I’ve tried before and was the only regimen that worked for me. Weight Watchers, an effective and affordable weight-loss program, has helped millions of people (including me) lose weight. How did it work for me if I’m still overweight, you’re wondering?  Well, it’s a wonderful program for those who are serious about losing weight and getting healthy. But, it (or anything else) can’t work for you if you’re not willing to work for you in partnership with it. It’s no ‘get-slim-quick’ scheme and is ideal for individuals who aim for a lifestyle change, not a temporary metamorphosis (although it will do that for you, too). It uses a points system that allows users to monitor food/caloric intake and provides guidelines on not only the amount of food you eat, but the nutritional value of the foods as well. It also has a component that tracks exercise and activity levels.  I don’t view WW as a ‘diet program’ because it’s not something that can only be used temporarily. With WW, you can achieve your weight-loss goals and maintain them for life.  There are no pills and shakes involved that are unrealistic to a permanent lifestyle change.  On WW, you can eat regular foods, including those that are beneficial to your health and those that are bad for your health (albeit, at your own risk).  There are point values for almost any food you can think of.  So, you can keep track of how much ‘bad stuff’ you put into your body, along with the ‘good stuff.’  When I was on WW for a respectable amount of time (approx. 4 months), I did lose weight and, for a short while, I maintained it. However, as soon as I went back to my old, unhealthy ways, the pounds came back and they brought a few friends with them. I was so mad at myself for letting that happen because I wasn’t hungry while on the program and I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything.  As per my usual routine, though, I let my emotions get the best of me; and when that happens, I call on my trusty comforters: fast, greasy, creamy, fried foods. In no time, I was back to feeling sorry, tired and plain ole miserable. And being in that space is no fun, no matter how many smiles one manages to put on. So, I’ve decided to try WW again!

 

I know, I know…the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results. People, I’m not insane, trust me. Through all my trials & error, I have learned a thing or few. As I already stated, I know my weight problem will not go away if I don’t address and resolve any emotional/mental state issues I have going on. I’ve been making progress, little by little, day by day, in handling some things that I’ve let fester & crust over. I still have work to do but I am at a place where I am handling things in a manner more conducive to a healthier state of being. I am confident that now is my time to shed the fat suit and reveal the gorgeous, fit gal within. She is tired of playing the back, second fiddle, angel in disguise. She is ready for the world….and it’s either now or never. I know what’s going through your heads: Sunshine Anderson’s, ‘Heard it all befooorrrrrre……..’ You want to know what’s different today than, say, a year ago? Me. I’m different today…..in so many ways. Ways that I won’t get into specifically but suffice it to say, I value myself much more than I ever have. I know what gifts I bring to those around me, I’m aware of my purpose in life and, more than anything, I truly believe I am worthy to live a better (quality) life. Besides, nothing beats resolve. I have (to use a recently stumbled upon quote) made up my mind in a way that totally says, ‘I will not have to do this again.’

 

Starting tomorrow, I will be a member of Weight Watchers. Every week, for the next 90 days, I will post a Progress Report, detailing my food and exercise activities and any changes to my body weight/shape/size (in photo form). When the 90 days are up, I hope I am in a place where I can run this race without having to pay for WW or any other weight-loss program.  However, right now, I do need the support WW (and hopefully some of you) will bring. I welcome all feedback and constructive criticism. Even better, I welcome you to join me in my weight-loss efforts if you’re fighting the fat too.  Either way, please, do weigh in………….

 

*Disclaimer: I am not a spokesperson or paid advocate for Weight Watchers. I am simply expressing my personal feelings about the program. Hopefully, it may be of help to others who also struggle with their weight/health.

 

 

EMPTYING THE NEST

 

 

Most parents look forward to the day when their children are finally old enough, mature enough and financially able to get out of the family home and into their own.  I am no different.  As soon as my daughter hit high school, I was thinking of ways that I could enjoy my free time and empty nest. I imagined the places I’d go, things I’d buy and people I’d entertain…..any time, any day and any way I wanted to. Then, the day came when I had to drop her off on campus and say (a temporary) good-bye.  The day I looked forward to for so long had finally arrived and what a bittersweet day it was.  I cried (of course) and I think she did too, after we left. The separation was difficult for both of us; easier than I thought for me (probably because she was home every other weekend) and harder than I thought it would be for her (especially since she was home every other weekend). She survived for a little while but, needless to say (if you’ve been reading regularly), she eventually came back home to attend school.  After a year and a half away, she was back in the house and on my nerves, full-time.  It’s been 2 years, a pregnancy and a baby since she came home and now, plans for emptying the nest are back in full effect.

 

When my granddaughter was first born, I told my daughter I would give her 3 years to get herself together and out on her own. I know how hard it is to be a single parent, physically, financially and emotionally and I don’t want to see my girls ‘suffer’ or go through unnecessary hardship. At the same time, I don’t want to coddle (cripple) my daughter to the point where she is too dependent on me.  Besides, I had life plans that she so rudely interrupted by leaving college then having a baby. Those choices aside, I think my daughter is a strong, smart and determined young woman and I want her to become independent sooner rather than later.  Yet, I’ve been worried that I’m pushing her out of the nest too soon. Yes, she’s almost 22 years old and yes, she has a child of her own to raise and yes, she needs to know how to navigate her way through the real world. But, the ‘pains’ of young adulthood and (premature) motherhood are definitely taking a toll.  Like most mothers, my daughter gets angry, frustrated, impatient and overwhelmed by her baby (duties), sometimes. She works and has her own money but still needs Mommy & Daddy’s financial support. She’s had her own room/space for most of her life, but, some nights, she still wants to crawl in bed with me (I probably would do the same if I lived with my Mom).  All of these things, in addition to knowing how cruel the world can be, makes me apprehensive about sending her out there. However, there is much more positive to be said about gaining and sustaining one’s independence. Handling your own business builds strength and confidence and dancing to your own tune (as opposed to your mother’s outdated music) encourages freedom of self-expression. I know it’s important that she build a solid mother/daughter relationship with her own child instead of allowing a big sis/little sis dynamic to take over by default of me being head of household. I want my daughter to know, by experience, that one must deal with the consequences of their own actions. When you choose to become a parent, you choose to become responsible for someone else’s life for, at least, 21 years; and how can one fully take on that responsibility if someone else is still responsible for them? 

 

That being said, I had been wondering if I was trying to make her do too much, too fast. In the past few weeks, my daughter and I have been looking for affordable apartments for  her and the gran’diva.  Every day, I give her some information or recommendation on apartment hunting and I can’t help but think I do it with a tad too much enthusiasm. She never mentioned feeling any kind of way about it, but still, I began to feel guilty.  No matter how many times I was told, ‘That’s just the mother in you….it’s normal….it’s time for her to get out there…..you will be fine and she will be fine,’ the feeling just would not go away. So, I finally asked her, point blank. I said, “Be honest. Do you think you’re ready to get your own apartment?” Her response was, ‘Ummmmm, uhhhhhh, I don’t know.”  “You don’t know!,” I exclaimed.  “Whaddya mean, you don’t know? Either you or you aren’t?”  She chuckled. I then asked, “Well, do you feel like I’m rushing you…pushing you out the door too soon?”  Without hesitation, she said, “NO. No, I don’t feel like that. I need my space, Shari needs her space. We do need our own place.”  “Okay,” I said, “just don’t want you to think I’m just trying to put you out like that.” She replied, “Nahhhhh, I don’t feel like that.” WHEW! As soon as those words were spoken, her assurance given, the waves of my guilt were immediately calmed. She does understand that it’s now time for her to take flight; time for her to make a nest of her own in which she can care for, raise and teach her precious baby. Yes, I look forward to the day I can enjoy the carefree feeling an empty nest brings; still, tears spring to my eyes every time I imagine them out there on their own. I’m sure they will survive and thrive, as many of us do but, as they stand on the landing, ready for takeoff, I want to snatch my little birdies back and never let them go….but that feeling is to be expected……right? 

 

 

'40 in 40': BFly's 40th Birthday Bucket List

In forty weeks and six days, I will be celebrating my fortieth birthday. Me, 40 years old…..WOW. Unlike when I was facing the age of 30, I am not feeling sad about turning 40. I was almost always the eldest person in my close group of relatives & friends and I’ve never had a problem with that…..at any age. That might be because I’ve never looked my age so it always felt good to hear people say, ‘You’re (insert number) years old?! GTFOH!’ or could be because I’ve just never had a problem with my age.  It feels weird when I say it aloud but other than that, hey, it is what it is.  Anyway, in my 39 years and 86 days on earth, I’ve had all kinds of experiences, been many places and met hundreds (thousands?) of people. Most of these experiences, I have shared with my siblings, relatives or long-time close friends. But there are many more people I should meet & share life with and much more for me to see, do, experience and enjoy.  So, in what I call my ‘Second Act’ of life, I intend to broaden my horizons, step outside my same ole square box and stop spending so much time in my comfort zone.

To kick off my ‘second act,’ I have decided to have 40 new experiences (big or small) in the 40 weeks leading up to my 40^th birthday. Each week, beginning Thursday, March 1^st and ending Wednesday, December 5^th, I will do something new or different; every following Thursday, beginning March 8^th and ending on my birthday, December 6^th, I will post about the new experience I had the week before. So far, I have compiled a list of  <40 things I would like to do.  As time goes on, I’m sure I will be inspired to add more to the list. I am also open to suggestions.

BFly's 40^th Birthday Bucket List:

1. Go one full week (that’s 7 days or 148 hours) without any contact or communication with my sisters. (Please pray for me!)

2. Submit my writing to at least one major magazine.
October 2013

3. Lose, at least, 40 lbs.

4. Become a licensed bartender.

5. Relocate to Charlotte, NC.
August 2013

6. Take a weekend long trip with myself.

7. Ask a guy out on a date.

8. Pick up the tab on a date (not necessarily the date in #7).  I was asked out on a lunch date and my date was shocked out of his socks pleasantly surprised when I offered to pick up the check. 3/23/12

9. Fall in love….with someone worthy of my love.

10. Go one week without spending any $ on fast food/dining out.
October 2013

11. Make a sexy calendar 

12. Start a job doing something I love.

13. Take a dance class.

14. Get a(nother) tattoo

15. Treat myself to a spa day

16. Host at least one Charity Event

17. Break at least one of my bad habits (going to bed late, getting up late, eating out 90% of the time, procrastinating 90% of the time, not sticking to savings plan, overspending on gifts for others……just to name a few).

18. Have the awkward conversation that I’ve been avoiding; gotta say it and move on

19. Run for at least a half mile.

20. Eat something I’ve never eaten before at a restaurant I’ve never been to. (Any suggestions?)
21. Make peace with each of my siblings (oh, you thought we were 'perfect?'...NOT.....pray for me!)
Aug 2013
22. Purchase something outrageously expensive (nothing to make me homeless but something I'd otherwise say, "sheeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiittttt!" to)
23. Go Jet-Skiing
December 2012
24. Take a sabbatical of (at least) 30 days
February 2013 (LOA)
25. Revamp my wardrobe
26. Host a  5-course dinner party
27. Go to a live taping of a show
2013 Additions
28. Try online dating....and actually go out on a date with someone met on the site.

What are some things you think I should do before I turn 40? Hurry up and tell me, time is ticking!   

UPDATE 11/04/13: Up until today, my list only had 27 things on it and I didn't accomplish these goals before I turned 40. However, I will continue to pursue them and add more until I reach 40 things. Instead of '40 in 40' before I turn 40, they are on my list of '40 in 40' to accomplish during my (estimated 40 more years) Second Act of life...

SUNDAYS with BFly......

"What you thought before has led to every choice you have made, and this adds up to you at this moment. If you want to change who you are physically, mentally, and spiritually, you will have to change what you think." Dr. Patrick Gentempo This quote speaks directly to me and the flow of my life. I've often wondered why I'm not who I want to be, where I want to be, with whom I want to be, doing what I want to do. As I watched people around me live (what seems to be) wonderful lives, I neglected to build the kind of life I wanted. I chose to spend more time sitting on the sideline (complaining, cheering, encouraging but feeling discouraged) instead of getting in the game and strengtening my abilities.  I claimed to want certain things to occur in my life but, truth is, I never really believed I could have them. I didn't believe I was 'good enough.'  No matter how smart, pretty, beautiful, good, loving and kind people told me I was, I didn't believe it was 'enough.'  All the things I wanted to do, people I wanted to be associated with or accepted by, places I wanted to go and experiences I wanted to have always seemed to be out of my reach. I would dream of and plan to make things happen but my actions never followed up.  Why?  Because actions are driven by thoughts and although I dreamt of fabulous things for my life, I never thought they could actually happen.  Until Now.  Well almost....... Now, I am re-training my mind to rid itself of the negative and replace with positive, affirming thoughts.  I am distancing myself from people who have proven they are not worthy of my time and energy while categorizing the rest into their appropriate places.  There are those who are 'For Me (actively show support, love and respect),' those who are 'For The Cause (not necessarily 'for me' but are aligned with who/what I stand for),' those who are 'For Fun (for entertainment purposes mostly but harmless)' and those who are 'For Life (sustaining relatives/long-term friends who are not active in my life on a daily basis but whose existence does or has made a difference in my world).'  Recognizing who people really are and treating them accordingly (instead of giving out major benefits of doubt and huge amounts of undeserved credit) is key to my success.  Going forward, I will no longer question 'Why (or why not) Me?' without first acknowledging how I directed my life to where it stands at any given moment.  I will be more mindful of my thoughts and more careful with my actions.  I will envision, believe in, plan for and actively work towards whatever or whomever I want, need or desire in my life.  I will remain humble yet not be afraid to stand strong & tall in my light.  I will lead, by my thoughts, a life of the most favor, purpose and satisfaction possible.  I will continue to aspire and be inspired......and I will keep in mind, the following:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

HAPPY SUNDAY, ALL!