Insanity or Resolve?

 

 

As most people (who know me) know, I’ve been battling the bulge for many years. I started out needing to lose 10-15 lbs after giving birth to my daughter and now, I’m on a mission to lose 75. Yeah…..WHOA…..what a difference! Pre-pregnancy, I weighed 134 lbs.  Post-delivery, I weighed 150. Three years later, I went away to college weighing 160 lbs.; at the end of  2 yrs., I came home weighing 180 lbs. From that point, my weight gradually increased: reaching a one-time, short-lived high of 250, hovering around the 237-240 range for a good 10 years and now hanging at 226 lbs. A few times during my battle, I did lose a significant amount of weight only to gain it all back plus some. You may have heard it before and I am here to attest to its truthfulness, if your mind ain’t right, your body won’t be either. Trying to lose weight without dealing with the mental/emotional component of why you are the size you are is a waste of time. You may make some progress but it won’t be sustained permanently. Let me give you an example of how your mental status affects your physical stature: About 15 years ago, I decided I was going to lose weight once and for all. I weighed around 190 lbs at the time. I suppressed my appetite with a pill and walked my way to 155 lbs. I don’t remember how long it took for me to lose the weight but I know I maintained the loss for, at least, the entire summer. At the time, although I knew I looked great, I was still bigger than what I wanted to be and the biggest of most of my sisters and friends. Mentally, I was a big fat whale. The way I felt in my body then is the same way I feel in it now: smothered & hidden. The way I look at myself in pictures now is the same way I looked at myself in pictures then: way too big. I thought I was huge then, but I’d give almost anything to be 155 lbs. now. When I look back at those pictures today, I say to myself & aloud, ‘Damn, I looked good!’  At the time, though, I was constantly being told by a certain someone that I did NOT look good…..and I internalized that and believed it (shaking my head @ the memory....woosaahh!). Unfortunately, due to the unrealistic method I used (taking pills) coupled with my mental state, I quickly gained back the 35 pounds I had lost and gradually, an additional 50+.  

 

During the time I gained the bulk of my weight, I was dealing with a devastating breakup and had involved myself in a series of placating ‘relationships’ with guys that, in the end, only magnified the pain I was already feeling. In addition to that, I never liked to cook and my skills were (are) limited so my daughter and I ate out A LOT. Fast food became my steady companion…..and has been ever since. Over the years, I’ve used powders, shakes and pills to lose weight more times than I care to count and I have no desire to try any of those again. However, there is one program that I’ve tried before and was the only regimen that worked for me. Weight Watchers, an effective and affordable weight-loss program, has helped millions of people (including me) lose weight. How did it work for me if I’m still overweight, you’re wondering?  Well, it’s a wonderful program for those who are serious about losing weight and getting healthy. But, it (or anything else) can’t work for you if you’re not willing to work for you in partnership with it. It’s no ‘get-slim-quick’ scheme and is ideal for individuals who aim for a lifestyle change, not a temporary metamorphosis (although it will do that for you, too). It uses a points system that allows users to monitor food/caloric intake and provides guidelines on not only the amount of food you eat, but the nutritional value of the foods as well. It also has a component that tracks exercise and activity levels.  I don’t view WW as a ‘diet program’ because it’s not something that can only be used temporarily. With WW, you can achieve your weight-loss goals and maintain them for life.  There are no pills and shakes involved that are unrealistic to a permanent lifestyle change.  On WW, you can eat regular foods, including those that are beneficial to your health and those that are bad for your health (albeit, at your own risk).  There are point values for almost any food you can think of.  So, you can keep track of how much ‘bad stuff’ you put into your body, along with the ‘good stuff.’  When I was on WW for a respectable amount of time (approx. 4 months), I did lose weight and, for a short while, I maintained it. However, as soon as I went back to my old, unhealthy ways, the pounds came back and they brought a few friends with them. I was so mad at myself for letting that happen because I wasn’t hungry while on the program and I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything.  As per my usual routine, though, I let my emotions get the best of me; and when that happens, I call on my trusty comforters: fast, greasy, creamy, fried foods. In no time, I was back to feeling sorry, tired and plain ole miserable. And being in that space is no fun, no matter how many smiles one manages to put on. So, I’ve decided to try WW again!

 

I know, I know…the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results. People, I’m not insane, trust me. Through all my trials & error, I have learned a thing or few. As I already stated, I know my weight problem will not go away if I don’t address and resolve any emotional/mental state issues I have going on. I’ve been making progress, little by little, day by day, in handling some things that I’ve let fester & crust over. I still have work to do but I am at a place where I am handling things in a manner more conducive to a healthier state of being. I am confident that now is my time to shed the fat suit and reveal the gorgeous, fit gal within. She is tired of playing the back, second fiddle, angel in disguise. She is ready for the world….and it’s either now or never. I know what’s going through your heads: Sunshine Anderson’s, ‘Heard it all befooorrrrrre……..’ You want to know what’s different today than, say, a year ago? Me. I’m different today…..in so many ways. Ways that I won’t get into specifically but suffice it to say, I value myself much more than I ever have. I know what gifts I bring to those around me, I’m aware of my purpose in life and, more than anything, I truly believe I am worthy to live a better (quality) life. Besides, nothing beats resolve. I have (to use a recently stumbled upon quote) made up my mind in a way that totally says, ‘I will not have to do this again.’

 

Starting tomorrow, I will be a member of Weight Watchers. Every week, for the next 90 days, I will post a Progress Report, detailing my food and exercise activities and any changes to my body weight/shape/size (in photo form). When the 90 days are up, I hope I am in a place where I can run this race without having to pay for WW or any other weight-loss program.  However, right now, I do need the support WW (and hopefully some of you) will bring. I welcome all feedback and constructive criticism. Even better, I welcome you to join me in my weight-loss efforts if you’re fighting the fat too.  Either way, please, do weigh in………….

 

*Disclaimer: I am not a spokesperson or paid advocate for Weight Watchers. I am simply expressing my personal feelings about the program. Hopefully, it may be of help to others who also struggle with their weight/health.

 

 

BFly's Black Herstory Month: 'Sugar, Sugar'

 

What is SUGAR?  Well, it depends on who you ask and in what content it is used.

1. SUGAR (as described by Wikipedia) ‘is a class of edible crystalline carbohydrates, mainly sucrose, lactose, and fructose,^[1] characterized by a sweet flavor.’ 
2. SUGAR is another word for kiss.  (example, ‘C’mere baby, give Grandma some sugar.’)
3. SUGAR is used as a name/nickname.
4. SUGAR is a word often used by African Americans to describe the deadly disease, Diabetes.

According to the African American Community Health Advisory Committee, diabetes is the fourth-leading cause of death by disease among African-Americans and is the leading cause of blindness, kidney failure and amputation. While diabetes affects nearly 3 million African- Americans — half of those with the disease don't know it. Diabetes is a disease in which the body does not produce or properly use insulin, a hormone that is needed to convert sugar, starches and other food into energy needed for daily life. Contrary to popular belief, diabetes is NOT caused by eating sweets or the wrong kinds of food. The exact cause of diabetes is unknown but, increasing age, genetics and environmental factors such as obesity and lack of exercise appear to play roles.  Diabetes is a killing disease but it may be controlled, according to James R. Gavin III, MD, chair of the American Diabetes Association's African-American Program. "By keeping fit, eating right and getting regular exercise, we can decrease our risk for diabetes quite substantially," he said. "This is a disease about which we can do a great deal, but only when those affected are informed and empowered to take the kind of control of this disease that is now possible.”

On December 6, 2010, I was diagnosed with diabetes; that was a serious reality check.  I mean, of course I knew beforehand that my health was at risk due to my weight, poor eating habits & physical inactivity. I knew something was wrong within my body because I felt it. I was also aware of some of the symptoms for diabetes (which include: Frequent urination, Unusual thirst, Extreme hunger, Unusual weight loss. Extreme fatigue, Irritability, Frequent infections, Blurred vision, Cuts/bruises that are slow to heal, Tingling/numbness in the hands/feet, and Recurring skin, gum, or bladder infections) and had been feeling a few of them. Still, when the words were spoken, I felt like I had been slapped in the face. ‘Ms. Tarver, your blood work shows that you have diabetes.’ Tears immediately stung my eyes. I shook my head in disbelief; not at the diagnosis but at myself for letting my health go to that degree.  Also, it hurt to get that kind of news on my damn birthday. What a way to start off my new year. ‘I knew it, I knew it,’ I said.  I told my doctor how I had been feeling ‘off’ lately and that I suspected my health was at risk.  ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘so I need you to get more blood work done and you really need to focus on losing weight and eating for your health. In the meantime, I am going to prescribe a medication to help you get your blood glucose levels under control.’ Wow,  I thought to myself, not only is my health compromised but I have to be on a daily medication? How the hell did I get here?! I was in a state of shock when I left the doctor’s office. I knew diabetes was a serious condition and I had to find a way get it under control…..or else.

As with a lot of African American families, diabetes is a part of my genetic history.  My paternal grandparents, my father and some of his siblings live with (or died from) from it and now, I have it. I decided, right then and there, to stop playing with my health and taking my life for granted. I researched more information about diabetes and discovered that it could affect the body in ways I wouldn’t have imagined. When glucose builds up in the blood instead of going into cells, it can lead to diabetes complications, such as hearing loss, dental problems, eye, foot and skin complications, high blood pressure and mental health issues (just to name a few). Upon learning this, other things that I had been feeling within my body began to make sense. I had to face some harsh realities; but, sadly, it didn’t serve as the thing to push me towards a permanent lifestyle change. It’s been over a year since my diagnosis and my health is pretty much in the same state, if not worse. I know and have heard about many people who have lost body parts, bodily functions and their lives due to non-treatment of their diabetes. Unfortunately, so many people choose to ignore the signs or medical advice. They neglect to take their medications, opt to continue eating poorly and they never make the time or effort to exercise. This is particularly sad because, although diabetes can be deadly, it can also be treated effectively and be reversed. By eating more healthy foods, exercising for at least 30 minutes per day and losing weight (sometimes just 10-15 lbs can do the trick), one can actually rid their body of the disease. So why haven’t I done that for myself thus far?  Hmmmmmmmmmm……….good question.

 

 

 

 

 

Is There An Easy Way Out?

By now, we all know there is no 'magic pill' nor quick permanent solution to losing weight.  You must expend more calories than you take in.....period.  You must eat less, move more. But lately, I've been in a funk and feeling like I just can't do it on my own.  So I started thinking about surgery.  I know I'd never do gastric bypass but the 'lesser evil,' Lap-Band surgery, I would consider.....have considered.....considering right now.  One part of me is saying, 'NO, YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT SURGERY!' while the other part is saying, 'OH YEAH???  WELL, WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE IT YET...HUH, HUH?  

I've looked at the pros and cons and I'm not afraid of getting the surgery. I know what the possible & probable side effects are and they don't 'scare' me much.  What has held me back from doing it is my own ego & pride.  If I do it, then people will say/think I took the 'easy way out.'  I know I shouldn't care about others' thoughts & opinions but the competitor in me wants the 'trophy' and recognition from doing it without surgery.  I mean, lots of people have done it.  There are many who can boast how they ate & exercised their way to a body that is 100, 200, 300, 400 lbs lighter, WITHOUT SURGERY. 

I really wanna be one of those people and I know I can be. But what's the use of knowing but not doing.....knowing and not being?  I've been in this fight for almost 20 years and over time, I've gotten farther and father away from my goal....from the win.  Now, time is truly of the essence.  The stakes are higher for me now that I am dealing with the early stages of diabetes.  Yes,  my weight has finally caught up with me in a way that I cannot avoid.  I no longer have the 'luxury of time' being on my side.  I must do something about my weight OR ELSE.  

It makes me sad to admit that I haven't changed my habits much since my diagnosis.  Which brings me to my current state of mind.....to be a surgery candidate or not to be.  Deciding to have the surgery just might be more of a necessity than a personal choice....so I have to ask myself, what is more important.....my body/health or other people's opinions? 

HOW OLD ARE YOU?!

As I’ve mentioned before, I am often mistaken to be much (at least, 12-15 years) younger than my calendar age of 38 years, 2 months & 19 days.  I attribute it to my ‘baby face,’ soft voice and short height.  It’s funny though because, ever since I was a young girl, my close friends and family have teased me for ‘acting like an old lady.’  I’m often looked at as the mother figure, partly because I’m almost always the eldest (and most mature) one out of the crew and, admittedly, I’m bossy as hell….lol  When I’m with my sisters and friends, I feel like the ‘mother hen’ and behave like one, too (after all, SOMEbody has to keep order don’t they??).  So, it makes me feel good when people are shocked to learn that (a) I’m 38 years old, (b) I’m a mother of a 20 year old and, as of 1/10/11, (c) I’m a GRANDmother.  However, the reality is, my physical appearance is not in sync with the state of my physical health.

According to ‘THE REAL AGE TEST,’ which is a series of questions compiled by doctors and other health professionals, that measure how old your body ‘thinks’ you are, according to your health and self-care, I am 43.3 years old…..WTH?!  I’ve taken this kind of test, at least, 5 times in the last 10 years and every time, my ‘real age’ has been older than my calendar age.  I wish I could remember what the differences were, specifically, so I would have an idea of whether or not I’m closing the gap.  Overall, I feel better than I have in years past so hopefully, I am getting better.  In any case, today, my real age is 5 years older than my calendar age and I must swing that pendulum the other way so that my real age falls somewhere between 27-35…..which means I have work to do!   J

HOW OLD ARE YOU……REALLY???

Take the test and find out, then

I dare you to come back and share your results!

https://www.sharecare.com/static/realage-oz