BFLY'S TOP TEN.....Lessons Learned in 2013

TOP 10 LESSONS I LEARNED in 2013
There are many things I've learned throughout this year,
but this is a compilation of the top ten.
These lessons were eye-opening and life-changing......

1.) DO WHAT IS BEST for you. I felt so much guilt for wanting to move out of my home and my hometown, leaving my daughter, granddaughter and grandmother behind. One part of me believed it was selfish of me to take my support away from them but the other part of me needed to be selfish, in order to give myself the love, care and support I desperately needed. I'm glad I made the move; my spirit has been so much better for it.

2.) MENTAL HEALTH is of the utmost importance. Losing my brother to suicide and battling my own depression has brought the issue of mental illness to the forefront of my life. This year, I became stronger in my fight and more optimistic about my future. I am very conscious of the way I think and behave towards myself. I must maintain a healthy mental outlook, and I aim to do so, by any means necessary. 

3.) GOOD PEOPLE do still exist. Early this year, I took a much needed leave of absence from my job. At the time, I only had a few days' worth of leave credits I could apply towards my 30 days off. The amount of potential income loss was significant, but it was worth the stress relief I'd get from not having to go to work. I applied for our time donation program (where coworkers could donate their own leave credits towards my absences) and hoped I'd receive a few days, at least. About a week into my leave, I received a document stating that most of my leave would be covered by coworkers' donations and I would only lose a day and a half of pay. My God, my God......what a blessing that was!

4.) EVERYTHING HAPPENS for a reason. I was reconnected with someone I hadn't seen in over 10 years. He wasn't anyone I had ever had any romantic interest in but, I opened myself up to the possibility. I developed an intimate relationship with him and believed it would be a long-term partnership. We had good, fun and meaningful, times together but they would be short-lived. When I realized it wasn't going to work out between us, it took a while for me to accept it. I was disappointed but I knew I had to walk away. My hopes for us were shot down but I knew the reason for his coming into my life had been met. I left the relationship as a stronger and better person; and grateful for the lesson the experience taught me.     

5.) LETTING GO is mandatory. As parents, we worry that our kids are not listening to us; that they will not heed our advice or follow our good examples. So we tend to hang on to them, for dear life, fearing that they cannot live productively without us. Sometimes, our children choose paths we wouldn't necessarily choose for them, they do things we don't agree with and they disappoint us in various ways. Even so, they do listen; they make good choices and do things we approve of and, even, are proud of. One of things I worried about most was my daughter being on her own with her baby. I thought I'd be getting frantic phone calls from her, or relatives, saying I need to get back because she just can't do it. But, I haven't received one such call since I moved. I've been visiting with them for the holidays and, I see for myself that she is doing well. I am proud of the mother she is, the young woman she is becoming and the personal growth she displays. Her housekeeping and home management is on point and I can return to Charlotte knowing my daughter is doing A-ok without me.

6.) FAMILY/LOVED ONES are not to be taken for granted. The drama and chaos that often comes with being part of a large family or circle of friends can cause one to want to get away and stay away. When I moved, it was a relief to be away from it all. I wanted to be one of those relatives who only returned home for holidays and special occasions. I wanted people to miss me when I was gone and appreciate me when I come back around. Now, I see that being away from the drama and chaos also means being away for the love, support, camaraderie, friendship and fun. Them missing me means I'm missing them and the appreciation goes both ways. While I am glad to be distanced from people & situations that have been stressful in my life, I'm not so sure if I want to be that loved one 'reserved for holidays and special occasions.'

7.) LOVE is an action word. This, I already knew but things that happened this year made it clearer. I've experienced. or witnessed, the love lie in many ways, from individuals I didn't expect it. Friends who have been around for decades and relatives who have been around for life have shown up (or not) this year in very unloving ways. It's sometimes hard to accept that the people you want in your life are not good for your life; that the people you thought would be around forever have now run their course; that the ones you'd give an arm for can hardly give a damn for you. They may say they love you but those words don't mean a thing if what they do says they don't.

8.) LEAPS OF FAITH are necessary for growth and change. Deciding to leave my job of 7 years (which provided a decent paycheck and good benefits) and move to a new city/state with no new job lined up required much thought, a good plan and strong sense of faith. Though this decision was one of the riskiest (and some may think, stupidest) I've ever made, I submitted my 2 weeks' notice with no worries. I packed up my belongings with no hesitation. I drove down the highway, away from my hometown of 40 years towards a place I had only been to once in my life, with no fear. I've lived in Charlotte for almost 5 months now, and though it hasn't been smooth sailing, my life has changed for the better. Being in my new environment has been conducive to my continued personal growth and has strengthened my resolve to take another leap of faith and another and another......

9.) ONLINE DATING is not for me. There are many people who have found love via an online dating site so I know it is possible. However, the virtual dating scene isn't for everybody and I'm one of those it isn't for. Through my experience, I learned that my time and energy would be better spent on face-to-face interactions.

10.) SPENDING HOLIDAYS with family is something to be cherished.  I was dead wrong when I said, spending holidays with family is overrated. This year, I was set on 'doing something different' for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had shared those times with the same relatives all of my life so I figured it was time to change it up. But, when the holiday season approached, there was nowhere else I wanted to be than with my family and friends. Thanksgiving was full of so much love, good times and laughter and Christmas Eve/Christmas Day was filled with incomparable joy. Although I may 'do something different' in the future, I will never again discount the value of spending the holiday season with the family I love and friends I cherish.

What are some of the greatest lessons you've learned this year?


Be Careful What You Wish For: UPDATE

What a HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME it was! 

As promised, my sister (who I will refer to as 'NT' going forward) had a few great surprises lined up for me. My birthday agenda started off with a manicure and pedicure; then we proceeded to a local chain restaurant, where we had dinner and drinks with a couple friends. During this time, NT informed me that the surprise she had scheduled for 9:30 pm wasn't going to pan out. That news  immediately took me from a happy place to a frowning face. She asked me if I had anything I wanted to do and, of course, I didn't. As I mentioned in my previous post, my funds were limited and the clothes I was wearing were not fit for much more than (a place similar to) where we were. I did have on some beautiful, leopard print Michael Kors booties that I ordered a few weeks ago, as a gift to myself. But, the outfit I put together was very casual. Cute, but not fabulous as it should have been. Anyway, believing my night was going to end just as I was starting to feel good, I was ready to go home and park myself in front of the TV (as usual). Then, one of the ladies I was with convinced me to go to the next spot (which was a bar/restaurant that I had no desire to go to). As soon as we arrived, I was pissed. The place was packed, which would have fine if there was a table available for me and the ladies. We had to walk around and wait for over an hour before we were able to get a table. By then, I (and another person I was with) was ready to call it a night. But, we didn't. After having a couple more drinks, my mood improved and I was ready to party. Since this place isn't exactly a 'partying' spot, I settled for dancing in my seat and in the aisle with NT's boyfriend. Then, out of nowhere, one of my sisters & my brother in law (who flew in from our hometown that evening), his cousin and another guy I know from my hometown walked in! Ooooohhhhhhh chile, was I surprised and happy to see them!! My mood increased by a 1000....and so did my alcohol level. As soon as they arrived, they ordered a round of shots for everyone....then another....then a round of drinks.....and another. By the time we were ready to leave that place, I was way over my limit. I went home that night, feeling drunk off of love and liquor!

NT had something planned for me the next day, as well, so I had to deal with the hangover in order to make it to my next birthday surprise. It was a struggle for me to get it together but it was definitely worth it. I was treated to a 90 minute, full-body massage and sugar foot scrub. Can you say, 'heavennnnnnnnnnnn!' It was my first time getting a professional massage and it was everything I imagined it to be plus more. My massage therapist was a woman, with a very sweet voice and strong, skilled hands. At first, her touch felt a little suspect (light feather touches over the legs and buttocks that seemed to be unnecessary) then I realized it was just part of the process. I found it difficult to fully relax, in the beginning but before I knew it, I had completely surrendered. I woke myself up, several times, from my own snoring. At one point, my snoring was so loud, I scared myself! I was so embarrassed. However, I learned that a client's snoring is actually a compliment to the massage therapist. It lets them know that their client is fully relaxed and, likely, satisfied with their treatment. I was. After the massage, I had to go shopping for something to wear to the birthday party we were planning to attend that evening (in honor of my brother in law's sister).

The shopping trip was an emotional one for me (unbeknownst to my sis) because, for some reason that I haven't figured out, I experienced an 'Aha! moment' that hadn't hit me before. For me, shopping has always been stressful. I could never wear the things I wanted to wear and when I did find something I liked, in my size 20, it was almost always either too expensive or too matronly. When I walked in the store yesterday, I went straight to the plus-size section, as I usually did. I found nothing there and I started to leave the store, disappointed, but stopped to think maybe….just maybe…I could find something in the ‘regular’ sized section. Mind you, it's been a good while since I've lost weight and have been able to shop and find nice things in the regular sections so, I don't understand why this time, I hesitated. I looked, timidly at first, then I saw something I liked. I figured the leggings I chose would fit because they’re stretchy but I was skeptical about the shirt. Imagine my joy when I tried the outfit on and not only did it fit but I looked damn good in it! That motivated me to find some nice jewelry to match. I found a set in gold and silver so I bought both. Having those items and knowing I was going to look great boosted my enthusiasm to go to the party that night. Usually, I’m the party pooper; the ladies can’t stand me because I almost always opt out of partying with them. But, they don’t understand (or even know about) the anxiety I feel. Although we're not in competition and I know I can hold my own, I have to admit that, hanging with the glammed out divas has been difficult for me, at times. It's not always easy finding clothes that make me feel & look like a million bucks (like the divas always do) instead of the overweight auntie that a lot of plus-sized clothing made me feel & look like. Before we went shopping, I wasn't too excited about going out again but, after getting my outfit and accessories, I was looking forward to it. I went home, took a good nap (in an effort to sleep off the lingering effects from the night before) and when I woke up, I felt rested and ready to party. I got dressed with 100 % enthusiasm and 0% anxiety. I went to the party feeling good and enjoyed myself to the fullest (complete with more shots and drinks....omg).  

On Sunday, I woke up with a happy heart and smiling face. I enjoyed breakfast and conversation with NT and 2 friends. That evening, NT made one of my favorite meals and our sister joined us for dinner. We spent some quality time together before it was time for her to return home. 

My birthday weekend was more beautiful than I imagined it would be. Not only did I have a great time but it was one of those times that was great because it included activities and people that made a significant mark in my personal history book. Spending my first birthday away from 'home' was truly a wonderful and memorable experience! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! 

Be Careful What You Wish For......

Today is my birthday. I'm not excited and I'm not shouting it from the rooftop (as you can tell from the letter case and punctuation I used) but I am happy. I'm blessed to see another day and to have made it another year. However, I will admit that I feel a bit bummed.

In my family, birthdays are a huge deal and whenever possible (which is almost always), we celebrate in a significant way. We can't/don't always have big parties but a gathering of family & friends with cake, food, drinks and even a few cards/gifts are always on the agenda. This year is different. This year, I am 1200 miles away from the people I usually spend my birthday with. I am 1200 miles away from my personal stylist (sister, who makes sure my hair and wardrobe is right for the occasion), my cheerleaders (daughter & grandiva, who make me smile on the wakeup), my partner in crime (sistercous, who I could count on for a manicure/pedicure) and my crazy clan (of sisters, cousins and friends) who make sure I have a wildly fun time! Just as I wished to be, months ago. Before I came to Charlotte, I longed for a calmer atmosphere, less crowded holidays & turned down celebrations. I couldn't wait to 'do things differently.'  And different, they have been.

Last night, while watching our usual Thursday night TV programs, my sister surprised me with a beautiful, delicious red velvet cake along with a very cute birthday card, which informed me that I should be dressed and ready to rock 'n roll by 5:00 pm this evening. She said she has a few surprises in store for me, which put a smile on my heart because I just love surprises (and great greeting cards)!  Still, I find it a struggle to get excited. I'm in a new city, with few relatives/friends and limited finances. I am unable to enjoy the sweet touches that usually come with my birthday and, more importantly, I do not have the people (my daughter, siblings and mother) around me that I cherish the most. Sure, I have a sister here (that I do love & cherish) and even a few other good women that I enjoy the company of. I know my sister is going to do her best to make sure I enjoy my evening....and I'm pretty sure I will. Yet, it's just not the same. I know this comes with the territory of moving away and believe me, I thought about it.....a lot.... before I made the move. I just really didn't think it would be such a big deal being away from my family & friends on this day. But, it is.

To some of you, I may sound ungrateful and/or immature. There are folk who regard a birthday as 'just another day' or believe that birthday expectations & celebrations are for kids. You may be thinking, I should be happy I'm still alive (I am), I should appreciate my sister and her efforts (I do), I should embrace where I am now  (I have) and I should get over being away from my hometown loved ones (I will). It's just that, this is my first year not being able to celebrate with my usual crew. The first year I won't be able to enjoy their big laughter, crazy antics and loving gestures. The first year I celebrate without my favorite people. But, as the saying goes, there's a first time for everything.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. 

3 Types: Which One Are You?

‘What about your friends, Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again,

What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you’

(‘What About Your Friends’ - TLC 1992)

 

A person with whom I haven’t been in contact for some months has been on my mind, more than usual, lately (going forth, I will refer to this person as ‘Jae’).  The last time I communicated with her was not pleasant and, at the time, I couldn’t care less if I never heard from her again. When the breakup of our ‘friendship’ (I use quotes because it was really a friendship in the building stages) occurred, my mind said, ‘good riddance’ but my heart wasn’t so quick to let go. This was probably due to my compassionate nature, coupled with the fact that ‘the incident’ that led to the breakup wasn’t really her fault. She didn’t cause nor instigate it but she was a co-conspirator, of sorts, in that she fed into the drama and allowed herself to be dragged into the fray. To make a long story short, it involved her significant other (s.o.) who caused serious injury to a loved one of mine and was extremely disrespectful towards me and a few others (including my sisters, one of whom was supposedly Jae’s best childhood friend). Although she did not initiate the 'bush' that went down, she did nothing to stop it, and at one point, joined her s.o in the disrespect. ‘The incident’ took place at Jae’s birthday party; a party that my sisters and I planned, orchestrated and hosted (albeit, financed by her s.o.). Not only did the actions of her s.o end the party but also what was once thought of as a potentially life-long friendship. Devastating as it was, in hindsight, ‘the incident’ was merely the straw…..the back had been cracked for some time. Although there were times when she was sweet, thoughtful, loving and lovable, there had been ‘minor offenses’ throughout the ‘friendship’ that showed Jae to be unpredictable, inconsiderate, disrespectful and downright rude. Despite her claim to want to have great friendships and live a more positive, meaningful life, there seemed to be a part of her that enjoyed (or was more comfortable with) chaotic situations. It was as if a dark cloud was looming over her, daring her to run away from it to clearer, sunnier skies…..daring her to try to escape its negative energy. I always remind myself to be mindful of an individual’s personal history that, undoubtedly, has great influence on the choices they tend to make. One tends to lean towards people and situations that they are most familiar with. So, knowing Jae’s history, a part of me wanted to give her a chance to be better because I always believed she wanted to be, could be and, in time, would be. I believed in her so much that (against my better judgment) I made her a partner in my very first business venture. My instincts told me not to move so fast but my heart told me to give her a chance to make a new impression.

 

By nature (nurture?), I am a forgiving person. Everybody’s got a story and, I believe, at one time or another, we all need to be cut some slack and extended some courtesy of understanding.  I have known Jae for over 20 years and, in spite of her flaws, she has some great qualities. Jae is beautiful, talented, fun and funny. She’s creative, assertive and skilled which, under better circumstances, would have made our partnership a force to be reckoned with in the business world. She’s a great mother and hard-working woman who wants the best for her family and works hard to attain it. I’ve always admired these things about her and those parts of her, I do miss. Unfortunately, the wonderful things about her are overshadowed by the not-so-wonderful things about her. Like, her penchant for drama; it seemed as if she was never satisfied unless someone was hurting, fighting , arguing or their lives was in some form of disarray.  Or like the 'dark aura' that seemed to surround her; whenever she walked into a room, the air literally changed.......thickened.....became static. There seemed to be a common sentiment between people who had just met her or were in her presence for the first time: 'I don't know what it is, but something about her rubs me the wrong way.'  Nevertheless, since 'the incident,' there have been times that I’ve wanted to reach out to her; times I've wanted to talk or laugh with her about something, times I've wanted to connect with her. I've also wanted to tell her exactly how what happened has affected me; that I'm more hurt than anything else, that I want to know how, why she could allow that to happen. But, whenever I felt that yearning, not only has it occurred to me that she likely doesn’t care how I was affected and probably has justified 'the incident' in her mind, a part of me warned, ‘There’s a reason she’s not in your life anymore; just let it be. She will not change; let her go.’ 

 

Then, I listened to an excerpt from a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes, where he preached about the Three Types of People In Your Life. After hearing what he had to say, I gained a new perspective and greater understanding of the relationship I shared with Jae, and others who have come into (and some, now gone from) my life. According to the great Bishop TD Jakes, there are three types of people in your life:

 

1.  CONFIDANTES – You have very few of them; these are people who welcome you unconditionally. They are into you whether you are up or down, right or wrong. They are in for the long haul and you can share anything with them. These are people with whom you can share your deepest and darkest inner thoughts; people who won’t judge you and will feed you instead of drain you. They will confront you; they’ll get in your business, in your face and tell you when you are wrong BUT will also come back and be by your side no matter what. Confidantes will never leave.

 

2.  CONSTITUENTS - They are not into you but, rather, are into what you are for.  As long as you are for what they are for they will be with you but never think they are for you. If they meet someone else who meets their agenda, they will hook up with that other person and leave you. Please Don’t mistake a constituent for a confidante. By the time you fall in love or are connected with them in a relationship, they will hook up with someone else and break your heart, leaving you wondering, “I thought our relationship was deeper than that.”

 

3.  COMRADES - These people are not for you nor are they for what you are for. They are simply against what you are against. They are strange bedfellows. They are the enemy of your enemy who will team up with you to help you fight a greater enemy. They will only be with you until the victory is accomplished. They are like scaffolding; that which is there just until the building is built. After the building is complete, the scaffolding is removed. Don’t be upset when they leave. They were not supposed to be there anyway. Don’t tell your dream to your constituents because they will try to sabotage your dream or try to fulfill the dream without you. Don’t tell your dream to your comrades. They will not support you because they are not for you in the first place.

 

I now recognize Jae as a Constituent, not the Confidante I mistakenly thought she could be. She is who she is and no amount of sympathy, empathy, conversation, rationalization or justification is going to change that. Some people come in to stay, some have a purpose that they serve then go and some are not a part of your life, at all, they’re just sharing the same space for a while. Thanks Bishop Jakes, I think I’ve got it now! ;-)

 

Although there is much more that can be added to each of these descriptions, I think they serve as a solid guide to deciphering who fits where in your life.  Can you recognize any of your close friends or relatives within these three descriptions? Are you mistakenly treating someone as a confidante when they are really more like a constituent or comrade?  Do you think my assessment of (my relationship with) Jae is on target?  Talk about it……

 

 

BFly's Black Herstory Month: 'Sugar, Sugar'

 

What is SUGAR?  Well, it depends on who you ask and in what content it is used.

1. SUGAR (as described by Wikipedia) ‘is a class of edible crystalline carbohydrates, mainly sucrose, lactose, and fructose,^[1] characterized by a sweet flavor.’ 
2. SUGAR is another word for kiss.  (example, ‘C’mere baby, give Grandma some sugar.’)
3. SUGAR is used as a name/nickname.
4. SUGAR is a word often used by African Americans to describe the deadly disease, Diabetes.

According to the African American Community Health Advisory Committee, diabetes is the fourth-leading cause of death by disease among African-Americans and is the leading cause of blindness, kidney failure and amputation. While diabetes affects nearly 3 million African- Americans — half of those with the disease don't know it. Diabetes is a disease in which the body does not produce or properly use insulin, a hormone that is needed to convert sugar, starches and other food into energy needed for daily life. Contrary to popular belief, diabetes is NOT caused by eating sweets or the wrong kinds of food. The exact cause of diabetes is unknown but, increasing age, genetics and environmental factors such as obesity and lack of exercise appear to play roles.  Diabetes is a killing disease but it may be controlled, according to James R. Gavin III, MD, chair of the American Diabetes Association's African-American Program. "By keeping fit, eating right and getting regular exercise, we can decrease our risk for diabetes quite substantially," he said. "This is a disease about which we can do a great deal, but only when those affected are informed and empowered to take the kind of control of this disease that is now possible.”

On December 6, 2010, I was diagnosed with diabetes; that was a serious reality check.  I mean, of course I knew beforehand that my health was at risk due to my weight, poor eating habits & physical inactivity. I knew something was wrong within my body because I felt it. I was also aware of some of the symptoms for diabetes (which include: Frequent urination, Unusual thirst, Extreme hunger, Unusual weight loss. Extreme fatigue, Irritability, Frequent infections, Blurred vision, Cuts/bruises that are slow to heal, Tingling/numbness in the hands/feet, and Recurring skin, gum, or bladder infections) and had been feeling a few of them. Still, when the words were spoken, I felt like I had been slapped in the face. ‘Ms. Tarver, your blood work shows that you have diabetes.’ Tears immediately stung my eyes. I shook my head in disbelief; not at the diagnosis but at myself for letting my health go to that degree.  Also, it hurt to get that kind of news on my damn birthday. What a way to start off my new year. ‘I knew it, I knew it,’ I said.  I told my doctor how I had been feeling ‘off’ lately and that I suspected my health was at risk.  ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘so I need you to get more blood work done and you really need to focus on losing weight and eating for your health. In the meantime, I am going to prescribe a medication to help you get your blood glucose levels under control.’ Wow,  I thought to myself, not only is my health compromised but I have to be on a daily medication? How the hell did I get here?! I was in a state of shock when I left the doctor’s office. I knew diabetes was a serious condition and I had to find a way get it under control…..or else.

As with a lot of African American families, diabetes is a part of my genetic history.  My paternal grandparents, my father and some of his siblings live with (or died from) from it and now, I have it. I decided, right then and there, to stop playing with my health and taking my life for granted. I researched more information about diabetes and discovered that it could affect the body in ways I wouldn’t have imagined. When glucose builds up in the blood instead of going into cells, it can lead to diabetes complications, such as hearing loss, dental problems, eye, foot and skin complications, high blood pressure and mental health issues (just to name a few). Upon learning this, other things that I had been feeling within my body began to make sense. I had to face some harsh realities; but, sadly, it didn’t serve as the thing to push me towards a permanent lifestyle change. It’s been over a year since my diagnosis and my health is pretty much in the same state, if not worse. I know and have heard about many people who have lost body parts, bodily functions and their lives due to non-treatment of their diabetes. Unfortunately, so many people choose to ignore the signs or medical advice. They neglect to take their medications, opt to continue eating poorly and they never make the time or effort to exercise. This is particularly sad because, although diabetes can be deadly, it can also be treated effectively and be reversed. By eating more healthy foods, exercising for at least 30 minutes per day and losing weight (sometimes just 10-15 lbs can do the trick), one can actually rid their body of the disease. So why haven’t I done that for myself thus far?  Hmmmmmmmmmm……….good question.

 

 

 

 

 

Focus Man!

When I first started this blog, I made a few posts regarding my weight, my 'relationship' at the time and a few other things that were on my mind.  I had less than 5 entries and I didn't post again for some months (closer to a year, I believe). I then came back to it and decided to make this a blog strictly about weight, thinking, if I put my business 'out there' I will be more inclined to 'handle my business.'  So I deleted the first few posts and started anew.  Now, I wish I hadn't done that.  


I had (have?) a bad habit of getting rid of (or ignoring) things that may be too uncomfortable for me to face or think about. Then, when I get through the hardest part, I always wish I could look that thing (or person) in the face and say, 'See?  You didn't hold me back/down forever.'  Like with my diaries/journals from many years ago. I've kept the ones that date back to 1999/2000 but anything before that has been destroyed. Why? Because there were some things I just wanted to forget about or never wanted to be discovered by anyone else. Now, I wish I could go back and read them, just to be reminded of how much I've grown as a person. Of course, I know what I've been through and how much I've changed, without having a directory about each experience, but it would be nice to have a more detailed perspective.


Anyway, I've (finally) decided not to streamline the Buttafly Diaries. Instead, I will keep my blog all-inclusive; open to various subjects and potential conversation pieces. There will be times when I'll want to talk about my big thighs, and others when I'll want to talk about my sister's big mouth. Sometimes I'll feel the need to brag about my gran'diva and other times, I'll need to virtually scream complain about my Big Brat (aka 21 year old daughter). Through my blog, I want to talk about some of the big moments along with smaller ones, my personal experiences as well as, what's going on in other people's lives the world. I will still share my weight loss journey, in great detail, because I'm hoping it will serve as a guide (of what or what not to do), learning tool or source of inspiration/motivation for someone else. But I won't alienate bore those who are not interested in that part of my life experience. 

I hope my audience will grow along with me and be open enough to share words of wisdom, constructive criticism, encouragement and friendly banter with some laughs thrown in for good measure. 


As the transformation of a Buttafly continues, won't you come along?   :-)