SOUL MATES

Most people think of a soul mate as a romantic partner who will enter their lives, bring sunshine and happiness and live happily ever after with them. A partner who will understand them better than anyone else has or can; a partner who will love them unconditionally and support them wholeheartedly; a partner who loves them as they are but constantly inspires them to be better; a partner who takes care of them, mind body and soul. I am one of those people. However, I also believe we have soul mates who serve different purposes, in different areas and at different stages of our lives. For instance.......

As an adolescent, I had a best friend who I believe is my soul mate. We did everything together. We worked together, played together, dressed alike and had each other's backs. We confided in each other, encouraged each other and shared very important milestones together. To this day, we are one of each other's best friends and will remain so until death do us part.

As a teenager/young adult, I had a boyfriend with whom I had no doubt I'd spend the rest of my life. He treated me like a princess, took care of me and made me a promise of 'forevermore.' We were a match made in heaven. We were together for 9 years; nine years of raw, unadulterated growing pains. During those years, life happened. We loved each other madly and betrayed each other badly. In the end, our romantic relationship did not prevail but our co-creation of life preserved our love as family. As co-parents and co-grandparents, our souls are mated, forevermore.

Since then, I thought I had a romantic soul mate or two but the truth of the matter is, I have not. A few may have connected with my heart, my body and/or my mind but none with my soul. I am still patiently waiting for that connection.

In the meantime, I've realized, my siblings are my soul mates. They know me almost as well as I know myself. They know what to do to piss me off, make me happy, make me cry, make me laugh, make me scream, jump for joy, sit down and be quiet, sing at the top of my lungs, dance til my feet are on fire or just be still. I have a sister who knows how to dress me without making me look too young or feel too old; a sister who protects me like a bodyguard and feeds me like star chef; a sister I can call on, any time of day or night and not wonder for one second whether or not she will come to my aid; a sister who can make me laugh for 24 hours straight, if I sit there that long; a sister who, as my emotional mirror, constantly shows me ways to be and do better; a sister who will dance with me all night long to damn near any song; a sister who serves up dollops of inspiration, motivation, encouragement and guidance at a moment's notice; a brother who, as a celebrated athlete, dedicated employee and family man, serves as a daily example of strength, determination and perseverance and, last but not least, a brother who, through his tragic death, reminds me every day to never give up and live life to the fullest.
I think it's safe to say, though the king to my queen has yet to take his place in my life, I have made acquaintance with my soul's mates.

Be Careful What You Wish For: UPDATE

What a HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME it was! 

As promised, my sister (who I will refer to as 'NT' going forward) had a few great surprises lined up for me. My birthday agenda started off with a manicure and pedicure; then we proceeded to a local chain restaurant, where we had dinner and drinks with a couple friends. During this time, NT informed me that the surprise she had scheduled for 9:30 pm wasn't going to pan out. That news  immediately took me from a happy place to a frowning face. She asked me if I had anything I wanted to do and, of course, I didn't. As I mentioned in my previous post, my funds were limited and the clothes I was wearing were not fit for much more than (a place similar to) where we were. I did have on some beautiful, leopard print Michael Kors booties that I ordered a few weeks ago, as a gift to myself. But, the outfit I put together was very casual. Cute, but not fabulous as it should have been. Anyway, believing my night was going to end just as I was starting to feel good, I was ready to go home and park myself in front of the TV (as usual). Then, one of the ladies I was with convinced me to go to the next spot (which was a bar/restaurant that I had no desire to go to). As soon as we arrived, I was pissed. The place was packed, which would have fine if there was a table available for me and the ladies. We had to walk around and wait for over an hour before we were able to get a table. By then, I (and another person I was with) was ready to call it a night. But, we didn't. After having a couple more drinks, my mood improved and I was ready to party. Since this place isn't exactly a 'partying' spot, I settled for dancing in my seat and in the aisle with NT's boyfriend. Then, out of nowhere, one of my sisters & my brother in law (who flew in from our hometown that evening), his cousin and another guy I know from my hometown walked in! Ooooohhhhhhh chile, was I surprised and happy to see them!! My mood increased by a 1000....and so did my alcohol level. As soon as they arrived, they ordered a round of shots for everyone....then another....then a round of drinks.....and another. By the time we were ready to leave that place, I was way over my limit. I went home that night, feeling drunk off of love and liquor!

NT had something planned for me the next day, as well, so I had to deal with the hangover in order to make it to my next birthday surprise. It was a struggle for me to get it together but it was definitely worth it. I was treated to a 90 minute, full-body massage and sugar foot scrub. Can you say, 'heavennnnnnnnnnnn!' It was my first time getting a professional massage and it was everything I imagined it to be plus more. My massage therapist was a woman, with a very sweet voice and strong, skilled hands. At first, her touch felt a little suspect (light feather touches over the legs and buttocks that seemed to be unnecessary) then I realized it was just part of the process. I found it difficult to fully relax, in the beginning but before I knew it, I had completely surrendered. I woke myself up, several times, from my own snoring. At one point, my snoring was so loud, I scared myself! I was so embarrassed. However, I learned that a client's snoring is actually a compliment to the massage therapist. It lets them know that their client is fully relaxed and, likely, satisfied with their treatment. I was. After the massage, I had to go shopping for something to wear to the birthday party we were planning to attend that evening (in honor of my brother in law's sister).

The shopping trip was an emotional one for me (unbeknownst to my sis) because, for some reason that I haven't figured out, I experienced an 'Aha! moment' that hadn't hit me before. For me, shopping has always been stressful. I could never wear the things I wanted to wear and when I did find something I liked, in my size 20, it was almost always either too expensive or too matronly. When I walked in the store yesterday, I went straight to the plus-size section, as I usually did. I found nothing there and I started to leave the store, disappointed, but stopped to think maybe….just maybe…I could find something in the ‘regular’ sized section. Mind you, it's been a good while since I've lost weight and have been able to shop and find nice things in the regular sections so, I don't understand why this time, I hesitated. I looked, timidly at first, then I saw something I liked. I figured the leggings I chose would fit because they’re stretchy but I was skeptical about the shirt. Imagine my joy when I tried the outfit on and not only did it fit but I looked damn good in it! That motivated me to find some nice jewelry to match. I found a set in gold and silver so I bought both. Having those items and knowing I was going to look great boosted my enthusiasm to go to the party that night. Usually, I’m the party pooper; the ladies can’t stand me because I almost always opt out of partying with them. But, they don’t understand (or even know about) the anxiety I feel. Although we're not in competition and I know I can hold my own, I have to admit that, hanging with the glammed out divas has been difficult for me, at times. It's not always easy finding clothes that make me feel & look like a million bucks (like the divas always do) instead of the overweight auntie that a lot of plus-sized clothing made me feel & look like. Before we went shopping, I wasn't too excited about going out again but, after getting my outfit and accessories, I was looking forward to it. I went home, took a good nap (in an effort to sleep off the lingering effects from the night before) and when I woke up, I felt rested and ready to party. I got dressed with 100 % enthusiasm and 0% anxiety. I went to the party feeling good and enjoyed myself to the fullest (complete with more shots and drinks....omg).  

On Sunday, I woke up with a happy heart and smiling face. I enjoyed breakfast and conversation with NT and 2 friends. That evening, NT made one of my favorite meals and our sister joined us for dinner. We spent some quality time together before it was time for her to return home. 

My birthday weekend was more beautiful than I imagined it would be. Not only did I have a great time but it was one of those times that was great because it included activities and people that made a significant mark in my personal history book. Spending my first birthday away from 'home' was truly a wonderful and memorable experience! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! 

Be Careful What You Wish For......

Today is my birthday. I'm not excited and I'm not shouting it from the rooftop (as you can tell from the letter case and punctuation I used) but I am happy. I'm blessed to see another day and to have made it another year. However, I will admit that I feel a bit bummed.

In my family, birthdays are a huge deal and whenever possible (which is almost always), we celebrate in a significant way. We can't/don't always have big parties but a gathering of family & friends with cake, food, drinks and even a few cards/gifts are always on the agenda. This year is different. This year, I am 1200 miles away from the people I usually spend my birthday with. I am 1200 miles away from my personal stylist (sister, who makes sure my hair and wardrobe is right for the occasion), my cheerleaders (daughter & grandiva, who make me smile on the wakeup), my partner in crime (sistercous, who I could count on for a manicure/pedicure) and my crazy clan (of sisters, cousins and friends) who make sure I have a wildly fun time! Just as I wished to be, months ago. Before I came to Charlotte, I longed for a calmer atmosphere, less crowded holidays & turned down celebrations. I couldn't wait to 'do things differently.'  And different, they have been.

Last night, while watching our usual Thursday night TV programs, my sister surprised me with a beautiful, delicious red velvet cake along with a very cute birthday card, which informed me that I should be dressed and ready to rock 'n roll by 5:00 pm this evening. She said she has a few surprises in store for me, which put a smile on my heart because I just love surprises (and great greeting cards)!  Still, I find it a struggle to get excited. I'm in a new city, with few relatives/friends and limited finances. I am unable to enjoy the sweet touches that usually come with my birthday and, more importantly, I do not have the people (my daughter, siblings and mother) around me that I cherish the most. Sure, I have a sister here (that I do love & cherish) and even a few other good women that I enjoy the company of. I know my sister is going to do her best to make sure I enjoy my evening....and I'm pretty sure I will. Yet, it's just not the same. I know this comes with the territory of moving away and believe me, I thought about it.....a lot.... before I made the move. I just really didn't think it would be such a big deal being away from my family & friends on this day. But, it is.

To some of you, I may sound ungrateful and/or immature. There are folk who regard a birthday as 'just another day' or believe that birthday expectations & celebrations are for kids. You may be thinking, I should be happy I'm still alive (I am), I should appreciate my sister and her efforts (I do), I should embrace where I am now  (I have) and I should get over being away from my hometown loved ones (I will). It's just that, this is my first year not being able to celebrate with my usual crew. The first year I won't be able to enjoy their big laughter, crazy antics and loving gestures. The first year I celebrate without my favorite people. But, as the saying goes, there's a first time for everything.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. 

Fallen Angel.....

Today marks the day my youngest brother and my mother's only son was born. It would've been his 26th birthday, but due to a fateful choice he made on April 26, 2012, he is not here to celebrate. At the age of 24, he chose to end his life and thus, the battle he was having with a bout of depression. I, too, have struggled with depression during different periods of my life and I wrote this poem during one of those tough times. I had plans to leave it for my family to read, with the hopes it would give them some understanding of what I was feeling. I never thought I'd be presenting it as an homage to my baby brother.

In memory of Terryn Clevon Pringle.....FALLEN ANGEL

Anger & frustration is what I feel inside....Loneliness & longing are constantly by my side....crying & yelling, I've done all that I'll do...it helps just for the moment then that moment passes through

I will go away from here, sooner than you think...sooner than you can say, 'goodbye', as quickly as you can blink

I will go away from here, find myself some peace...find myself a cozy corner, get myself some sleep

I will go away from here, stop thinking about the pain...stop thinking about this hole in my soul, I'll never feel either again

No, I'm not taking the easy way out...No, I will not lay blame...I just don't want to be here, anymore...I want to be free from the game

I just want to get away from here...in some way, I always feel locked down...whether it be in my mind, in my search for love or me spreading my love around

I told you, I was going away from here...I told you I was tired of half-living...I was tired of feeling I was getting nowhere fast...Insane is where I was being driven

I told you I was going away from here...I told you I wanted out...I told you I had to release myself...I guess you wanted me to SHOUT

Now that I'm gone, I feel no pain, no sorrow...I have no worries, I feel no fear, no qualms about tomorrow

I feel like I am floating, looking at you from afar...I have finally found my place in the sky...I was destined to be a star....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TERRYN!

*If you or a person you know are having suicidal thoughts or are going through a tough time, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for help! 1-800-273-8255 http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Honor thy brother....

Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about, longed for and felt pain from the loss of him. Daily, I fight back tears....and sometimes, the tears win. Sometimes the tears drop, like a leaky faucet and clear up quickly, like a teasing sunshower; sometimes they run like a silent stream, with no end in sight; and sometimes they fill my eye sockets like liquid fire and burst through as a raging storm, causing sounds like thunder & lightning to escape my throat. Five hundred and sixty one days later and the death of my baby brother still hurts like hell.

I won't rehash the story, but for those who are new readers (or simply passing through), my youngest sibling, Terryn Clevon Pringle, committed suicide on April 26, 2012, at the age of 24. His death was unexpected and the impact on my family has been tremendous. My brother was deeply loved, cared about and adored by many. Yet, for some reason no one can fathom or begin to understand, he didn't feel it..or believe it....deep down in his heart. He didn't think his presence in our lives mattered much and he believed we'd all be just fine without him. He could not have been more wrong. He was my mother's only son and his father's only child. My mother cries for her son, every. single. day. She blames herself for his death, every. single. day. She believes that 'if only she...' did 'something' different, he would still be alive and she tells herself this untruth, every. single. day. My siblings and I have unsettling dreams and startling visions of my brother; we have nightmares about his death and sleepless nights filled with anger & frustration. We've blamed ourselves, at one time or another, thinking we could have, should have said or done something that may have saved our brother's life. We don't like to talk about it though. We don't share our feelings and experiences too often because no one wants to be the person to 'get everyone else started.' No one wants to be the one to spoil a good mood, make somebody cry or get a conversation going that will send someone into a dark place. But, at certain times of the year, like holidays, milestones and birthdays, it's impossible not to acknowledge the void we feel, or to express what's in our hearts and on our minds. This weekend is such a time.

Terryn was born on November 9, 1987. He wasn't into big parties and never wanted us to spend money on or make a big deal over him. He didn't like to go out to bars & clubs but he loved to have a good time. To him, a good time was hanging out with family and close friends, playing card games or board games, listening to music, having dinner, drinks, etc. He warned us not to do anything special for his 25th birthday but we ignored him (like we did for his 21st birthday) and, unbeknownst to him, we had big plans in store. Well, I guess he fixed us. We spent his 25th birthday mourning his memory instead of celebrating his presence.This year, however, we are going to celebrate Terryn's birthday in a way he would want us to; having fun, finding reasons to smile and celebrating good memories of him. He would want us to tell stories that will stir up laughter and warm, fuzzy feelings. Terryn would want his nieces and nephews to remember him as a good uncle who loved them, cared about them and always wanted the best for them. He'd want his mother and father to know that it was no fault of theirs that he chose to say 'goodbye.' He would want his siblings to know that he loved us and appreciated all the time we spent together and everything we've ever done. He'd want his cousins, other close relatives and friends to know that they were special to him. He'd want all of us to remember that his legacy is one of love and joy, not heartache and pain. So, dear brother, although there will be tears and moments of sorrow, we will not focus on the pain. We promise to spend the day honoring the goodness, happiness and joy you brought to our lives............

WE LOVE AND MISS YOU TEE.......may you continue to rest in everlasting love, joy and peace.

*in the picture, Terryn is wearing the hat

Charlie's Angelz

I've spoken about my siblings on this blog a few times, but for those who don't know, I am the eldest of 11; technically, of 2 whole sisters, 6 half sisters and 2 half brothers. (For the record, we never use the terms 'half-brother' or 'half sister.' However, I'm using them in this blog post for descriptive purposes only.) I don't remember life without siblings (as I was only a year and 2 months old when my first sister was born) and I can't imagine life without ever having them. Yet, there have been times when I've said (and I think all of my siblings can attest to feeling this way at one time or another), 'Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do I have to be a part of this crockpot stew of siblings!' We have a lot of love for each other but with our complicated beginnings (Papa was a rolling stone), comes jealousy, resentment, competition, chaos and drama. All siblings experience some drama & rivalry but when you add multiple sets of parents to the mix, that experience is multiplied by a thousand. This is not to say there is no goodness....or even greatness....within the group, but the complications can't be denied. When we were young, with hardly any control over our lives and relationships with other people, our parents played a huge role in how we got along (or not) with our sisters and brothers. While my parents were together, my father had 4 children outside of their relationship (in addition to the three he had with my mother) with 3 other women. The first five of us were born within a period of 5 years, with 2 born in the same year, within 6 months of each other. Can you say DRAHHHH-MA!

I grew up in a place where 'everybody knows everybody' so my father couldn't hide his indiscretions for long, if at all. My mother always found out about these other children and we always found out about our new siblings. As a young child, I didn't fully grasp what having these 'outside siblings' meant to my mother and my parents' relationship. I was always happy about having a new sister and excited to tell/show the world. Of course, this did not make my mother happy and, at one point I would get admonished for referring to any of the 'other' kids as my sister. I don't know what my sisters' mothers were saying to them but there was a period of time when two in particular (who shared the same mother) would sometimes say mean things about/to my 2 'whole' sisters and me. It hurt, of course, but even moreso, I was confused. I didn't understand why they felt this animosity towards us when we had never done anything to them. It wasn't until I got older, learned more of the truth and had certain experiences that I understood why the bad blood flowed between those 2 sisters and us. My parents finally broke up when I was around 9 years old, not long after the last of the 'outside' kids was born. There was more drama to be had, despite the breakup, but eventually my parents would stop the madness. My father moved on with the mother of the last child he had while he was with my mother; they had 2 more daughers & one son and eventually got married. My mother moved on, got married and gave birth to my youngest brother. Although our parents finally gave up the drama, my siblings and I (unknowingly) picked up where they left off.

Throughout the years, we have had wonderful times together and we've had heartbreaking times too. We have dealt with pettiness such as gossip & jealousy, serious issues such as backstabbing & disrespect and life-altering events such as birth & death. We have spoken ill of each other, had physical fights, ignored and even stopped speaking to each other. But, we ALWAYS fall back to the lesson our father taught us: sticking together. If my father did anything right, it was to make sure his children not only knew each other but had relationships with each other. He always told us to never let anything or anyone come between us, no matter what. So, when we go through difficult times, we always manage to bring it back to what's important: our relationship with each other and the examples we are setting for our children. We all understand that, because we are human, we will make mistakes and we will do things to upset, disappoint and hurt each other. But what we will also do is be more careful, thoughtful and conscious of our words & actions so the hurtful things happen less; and what we won't do is let the negative overpower the positive. We have vowed to each other that no matter how upset we get or how big or small a transgression is, we will do what it takes to work it out.

We're in a good space today and I believe we serve as good role models of people with similar family dynamics. Therefore, I will be writing more about the good, the bad & the ugly times of Charlie's Angelz (which is what our Dad affectionately referred to us as, since his name was Charlie). I share with the hope that it will inspire someone else to improve, nurture and appreciate the relationships they have, with their siblings and other loved ones.

Charlie's Angelz have come a long way, baby and I say with confidence, things will only get better!

Family Ties....Untied (?)

As I've mentioned previously in this blog, I come from a big family and sizable group of friends with whom I spend a considerable amount of time. We've had wonderful times together and made great memories, whether it's in celebration of a holiday, birthday, milestone, achievement or 'just because.' We just love to be together. However, it's all coming to a bittersweet crossroad. Sweet, because it involves major change, new places, people, things and experiences; Bitter, because it involves major change, loss of fellowship (as we've known it for forever), physical closeness & proximity and a shaking up of stability & security. As very close siblings/relatives/friends, my group (affectionately known as Angelz & Co.) does almost everything together. We're always at each other's homes, in each other's cars, shopping together, eating together, drinking together, crying, laughing and fighting together. We do almost everything together. Not always as the entire group, but at least 2 of us are together on any given day. That is about to change....in a major way...and it ain't gonna be easy for any of us.

My sister (who I'll refer to, from now on, as 'QB') and I are planning to move out of state in the very near future, to 2 separate states. She and I are the eldest of the crew and are the leaders, for the most part. If any of our siblings or friends need (to know) or want (to do) something, more than likely, they will consult with me or QB....and more than likely, QB or I will (help) work it out/make it happen. For instance, if someone wants to have a party for themselves, their child, friend/relative, they will probably call me. They will expect for me to pull details together and make sure things get done properly. For family gatherings, such as holidays, summer BBQ's, etc., they will likely call on QB....and she will pull it together. There's a sister or sf we call on for hairdos, a sister we call on to borrow money from, a sister we call on for fashion advice/assistance, a sister we call on for babysitting or emergency pickups/dropoffs, a sister we call on for conflict backup....there's a sister or sf to call on for just about everything. To not have that is going to be a major shock to each of our systems and is going to be a major adjustment to adapt to.

Granted, there will still be 4 sisters (and one brother, who does his own thing outside of us, most of the time) living in our hometown but it's just not going to be the same. I may be giving myself and QB too much credit but I'm afraid that our siblings are not going to keep our 'Angelhood' alive. I'm afraid for that, because they usually rely on one of their big sisters to initiate family gatherings and group activities. I'm afraid for that because they get easily upset, annoyed, frustrated and their 'idgaf' (I don't give a f*^k) switch gets turned on too easily. I'm afraid for that because I won't be around to 'save the day.' However, in recent months, we each have gotten better with communicating and relating to each other, so I will pray on it. I will pray and I will have faith that my siblings will not let the 'Angelhood' crumble; that they will, in fact, stand taller....be better. I pray that, with these major changes that are about to occur in our lives, the ties that have bound us together for so long, will not come undone; that they will be lengthened and strengthened so that they will hold us together even closer.

Half....Not

I used to love the sitcom, Half & Half (starring Telma Hopkins, Valerie Pettiford, Obba Babatunde, Rachel True, Essence Atkins & Chico Benymon) which aired on the CW from 2002-2006. It was a show about 2 sisters….half sisters……who shared the same father, Charles Thorne (played by OB). The sister had 2 very different upbringings and led completely different lives which, of course, let to some conflict. Mona was the eldest sibling and raised by her mother, Phyllis (played by TH) and Dee Dee, the younger of the two, was raised (and spoiled) by her married parents. Throughout the series, the sisters and their mothers had numerous disagreements and confrontations. Mona often felt neglected and treated ‘lesser than’ while Dee Dee seemed to be oblivious to her ‘higher position’ on the Thorne family tree. I loved the show because, not only was it entertaining, but some of the situations presented were real; things people actually deal with in those kinds of situations.  It reminded me of my own family tree except mine has many more branches than theirs; and where Mona & Dee Dee referred to each other as half-sisters, my siblings and I never, ever use the word ‘half’ when describing each other. I am the eldest of both my parents’ children: my mother’s 3 daughters and 1 son and my father’s 9 daughters and 1 son. I am going to break it down for you so please, pay attention. With my mother (Mom #1), my Dad had 3 daughters; with Mom #2, my Dad had 2 daughters, with Mom #3, he had 1 daughter and with Mom #4 (who became his wife), he had 3 daughters (one of which passed away as an infant) & 1 son.  After her 10 year relationship with my Dad ended, my Mom got married and had 1 son with her then-husband. My maternal baby brother shared a special relationship with my Dad and although he is no blood relation to them, all of my father’s children claim and treat him as if he were. So, in all, there are 10 of us (living).  Got it? Okay……moving along.

All of our lives, my father emphasized to my siblings and I the importance of family and of sticking together, no matter what. He didn’t care what the argument was about or who had done wrong, we better have each other’s back at the bottom line and that’s that. So, we lived by that, for the most part. There have been violations of one by another, in varying degrees and we have managed to survive them all.  Yet, there does lie an undercurrent of resentment and jealousy that hasn’t really been dealt with. Thing is, that undercurrent wasn’t sparked by anything my siblings and I did towards each other; it was ignited by the relationships between our parents and the emotions of our mothers. In the early years, at one time or another, each of our mothers was guilty of speaking negatively about either the other mothers, the other children or both. My Mom, in particular, wouldn’t allow us to claim 2 of our sisters who were born ‘on her time’ (while she was with my Dad).  Anytime we’d mention ‘our sister, so-n-so,’ she would promptly and emphatically say, ‘That’s NOT your sister!’  We never stopped claiming them though.  After a while, she got over it (I assume, when she got over her feelings for my Dad and moved on with her life) and, since then, hasn’t tried to make us disown our siblings. My other siblings’ mothers have been guilty of the same or something similar or worse.  Despite it all, though, my sisters, brothers and I remained a unit. My father didn’t have a lot of money so he didn’t financially support any of us as much as he was responsible for but what he couldn’t do with money he tried to make up with time. Some of us got a lot, some of us got very little, which is another source of the resentment a few of my siblings carry.

It wasn’t until we were all in our late teens – early 20’s, however, that the jealousy and resentment began to rear their ugly heads.  We didn’t recognize it as such, in the beginning.  It came across as somebody having a bad day or a nasty attitude or an incident-specific reaction. As the conflicts became more serious and behaviors more hurtful, deeper discussions began to take place. There have been times when one wasn’t speak to another….or a few. There have been loud debates, treacherous arguments and yes, a couple times, blows have even been thrown. Throughout it all, though, we remain a unit; partially because we don’t want to disrespect my father’s legacy by falling apart but mostly because, we really do love each other. We spend A LOT of time together and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.  Our children are very close and within the group, there are extra-special bonds.  If my father were alive today (he died 8.5 years ago), I think he would be proud that we’ve managed to stand together, despite our issues. In my father’s memory, the bonds of sister/brotherhood remain strong. We fight hard, we love hard, we protect each other….hard.  No matter what goes on behind the scenes, we (will) find a way to work it out and remain side by side…..and ain’t nothing ‘half’ about that!

I Love you Charliez Angelz!!

** I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. – Maya Angelou **

Sister, Sister

 

Today is my sister’s birthday. She is exactly one year, two months and 11 days younger than me. Although she’s the younger of us two, people either think she is my twin or they think she’s the older sister.  Most people think we look very much alike so, obviously, it’s not because of her looks that people think she’s older. I think we’re equally taken to be at least 10 years younger than we actually are. It’s because of her personality and the way she carries herself that she’s often taken as the elder sibling. Of the two of us, my sister Queen Bee (as she’s affectionately referred to by friends & family), is the bolder, louder, more outspoken one; she’s known as the fighter whereas I’m known as the lover, she will bring the ruckus while I bring the peace, I’m the quiet to her storm, the sugar to her coffee, the treaty to her war.  All of our lives, I have been known as ‘the nice one’ and she, ‘the mean one.’ As you can probably imagine, our differences caused many an argument, debate and sisterly (sometimes, enemy-like) fight. For almost 30 years, my sister and I clashed like cold water on a hot skillet. If she said no, I said yes……if she wanted to go right, I wanted to go left……if she had 2 best friends, well I better have 3 or more….and it went on and on and on and on and on. For years, my sister and I fought about every little thing. I don’t think either of us took the time to really think before we engaged in battle, we just did it because, well, it was what we had always done. 

Until one day, during a particularly heated battle (about what, I cannot recall), our brother-in-law stepped in and shut us down. He basically told us we looked stupid, were saying stupid things and probably didn’t even know why we were really arguing. My sister and I argued, talked and cried for hours that day and we got to the bottom of some deep-rooted issues that each of us had no idea the other carried around. It would still take us a few more years, countless hours and gallons of tears before we reached a point where we could talk to, instead of yell at, each other. We were finally able to build and sustain an actual friendship. Although, if you were on the outside, you would never know we had those problems because, (we were taught) no matter what, we were always there for each other. We shared all of life’s important moments, milestones and special occasions. Despite our wanting to tear each other’s hair out, we dared anyone else to even think about causing harm or posing a threat to our sister. It’s funny because, I remember many times, my sister wanted to beat me to a pulp but if anyone else even breathed the wrong way towards me, my sister was ready to pounce, with no questions asked.  SMH at the memories……..yeah, we’ve come a long way little sis!

I’m happy to say that, while we still have some work to do, the relationship between my sister and I is in good, solid standing. I know she’s got my back, she loves me, she’s happy to be a part of my life and I am happy to have her in mine. So, today, I salute my Lil’ Big Sis on her special day…………………..and I thank God for allowing her to reach another milestone for us to celebrate together.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, QUEEN BEE!!

it’s going down tonight……I hope you’re read-daaayyy!!!