VALENTINE'S DAY is two weeks away and though I am single, I do look forward to it. I know there are those out there who choose not to celebrate V-Day because 'it has become a highly commercialized Hallmark-holiday' or because they believe one should 'show love all year-round, not just this one day.' To those people I say, 'Bah HumLove!' Yes, many businesses seize the opportunity to make more money on this one day and yes, there are those who cold all year but attempt to make it hot on this one day. But we all have choices on how much we buy into the commercialism of Valentine's Day and I believe that most people do show their loved ones love all year round. I see nothing wrong with taking the opportunity of this day to dish out an extra, heaping helping of love and attention on the one(s) they love.
That being said, I don't expect any flowers, gifts or candies to arrive at my door or my work (although that would be soooooooooooooooooooo nice) but I do expect to feel loved, as I do every day. I will likely buy cards and/or gifts for a few special someones (relatives & friends) in my life and I look forward to their reactions, as no one is expecting to get anything from me. In relation to Buttafly Diaries, I will celebrate the 'month for love' by sharing a quote, poem, personal story or favorite love story (real or fiction) each day of February, leading up to Valentine's Day.
Won't you join me in sharing some love?
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
25 RANDOM THINGS, FACTS, HABITS AND GOALS ABOUT ME
I took a stroll down Facebook memory lane and found this 'Note' I posted, 3 years ago, giving 25 random facts about me. Some things have changed (for the better) so here's an updated version:
ONE: I am the eldest child of my father's 10 children....8 sisters and one brother
TWO: I am the eldest child of my mother's 4 children....2 sisters and one brother
THREE: When I was pregnant with my child, I wanted my baby to be a girl who looked like her father, but with a mixture of his/my nose and sure enough, I have a daughter who looks like she's her Dad's twin but with the nose I 'designed for her...LOL
FOUR: I've had SERIOUS crushes on 3 guys that started in childhood and remain to this day! LOL Update: I have since reconnected with and (finally) gotten over all three of those sapsuckas!
FIVE: At one time in my life, I was VERY judgmental of others. Then, I found myself in the same situations that I had been particularly judgmental of. Nothing like an 'egg on my face' reality check!
SIX: I didn't know just how much I have in common with my cousin Shanell until I read her '25 RTFH&G' (I love you, Liz!)
SEVEN: I'm not as "nice" as people think I am...
EIGHT: One reason I only have one child is because I feared the next one wouldn't be as 'good'
NINE: Now, I want to have another child! : ) Update: God removed that desire from my heart with the birth of my gran'diva (I love you, Shari!)
TEN: From the moment I laid eyes on my 'little' sister Nacoyia, back in '79, when my mother brought her home from the hospital, I thought she was the most beautiful and precious little girl in the world. I still think of her and treat her as such to this day!
ELEVEN: My favorite snack to eat in the movie theater is Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn and Raisinets together
TWELVE: One of my biggest pet peeves is people smacking and slurping when drinking, eating or chewing gum.......UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!
THIRTEEN: I love doing MySpace Bulletin surveys....lol Update: WOW.....no more Myspace activity for me (although my page still remains).
FOURTEEN: When we were kids, growing up on Sheridan Avenue together, I wanted to look, walk and talk like Amy McCarthy. In high school, it made my day when people would say we looked like sisters (yeah, Amy, you didn't know that didja girl?? lol).
FIFTEEN: I used to think being a 'Tarver' was the SHIT......and, no matter what 'they' say, I still think being a 'Tarver' is the SHIT!
SIXTEEN: In the months before my father died, I expressed to him that I was angry with him for cheating on my Mom and being a 'womanizer' and having so many kids (10) with so many different women (4)....and I never got the chance to make peace with him while he was alive and tell him that I DO still love him, that I forgive him, and that, although 'his kids' get on my nerves (LOL), I'm still playing the 'big sis role' he designated for me and I thank him and God for my siblings (and StepMama Peggy) because they have all been a blessing to me and I don't know WHAT I would do without them in my life!
SEVENTEEN: The two years I spent at ('corny, wack, small, boring ass - whatever u wanna call it) SUNY Morrisville were two of the best and most enlightening years of my life.
EIGHTEEN: I attended SUNY MORRISVILLE when my daughter was 3-4 years old, and she was on campus with me often. I have pictures of her all over the campus, with many of my college buddies and a favorite profesor of mine. Now, my daughter is a Mo'ville student and not much has changed...including the cups in the dining hall (which I have a pic of her drinking out of as a tot) and my fav professor who still teaches there! Update: My daughter is no longer a student at SUNY Morrisville and they have since made some updates to the campus.
NINETEEN: I'm an 'old-fashioned' girl in the sense that I believe the man should the Head of the Household. Although I'm a 'control freak' in other areas of my life, the man for me MUST be capable and secure enough within himself to respectfully take the lead in our relationship. (This doesn't mean I'm a puppet so PLEASE DON'T get it twisted!)
TWENTY: In all of her 18.5 years, I don't believe I have ever whupped my daughter (yeah, I'm sure some of y'all might say...THAT'S her problem! LOL). She's been 'popped' and 'spanked' but never had a real ass-whuppiin from me. She's not perfect, but I think she turned out just fine! Update: My daughter is now 21.5 years old and I think I should given her at least 5 beatings in just within the past 3 years......haha
TWENTY-ONE: I haven't always been overweight, y'know....lol....and back when I was 85 lbs. lighter and considered 'thick', in my mind, I was just as big as I am now.......GO FIGURE!!!! (See, that's what people will do to you, if you're not secure within yourself)
TWENTY-TWO: I went to grad school for a year because (I thought) I wanted to be a teacher..... until I worked at Giffen....lol KUDOS to Mrs. (Shameka) Brown-Johnson (she ain't no joke!). Mrs. Thomas, Ms. Karp (forgot her married name), Mr. Dudley and all the other teachers who are holdng it down at GMES....very special people, indeed! Update: I am now seriously considering going back into the field of education....maybe even teaching.
TWENTY-THREE: The book 'Midnight: A Gangster Love Story' (by Sister Souljah) has changed me forever.......please pick up a copy and read it! Update: There is now a sequel to this book (that I've yet to read) called, 'Midnight and The Meaning Of Love'
TWENTY-FOUR: I prefer younger men....and apparently,they prefer me as well, since 90% of the guys who holla are younger than me Update: My mother told me this is my problem and I need to date older men and though I haven't experienced it yet, I'm thinking, she might be right!
TWENTY-FIVE: Last but not least, I truly believe in this statement about myself, "I MAY NOT BE PERFECT, BUT I'M DAMN NEAR CLOSE!" Update: In my dreams! However, I will say, I'm perfectly imperfect yet, perfect....for someone ;-)
ONE: I am the eldest child of my father's 10 children....8 sisters and one brother
TWO: I am the eldest child of my mother's 4 children....2 sisters and one brother
THREE: When I was pregnant with my child, I wanted my baby to be a girl who looked like her father, but with a mixture of his/my nose and sure enough, I have a daughter who looks like she's her Dad's twin but with the nose I 'designed for her...LOL
FOUR: I've had SERIOUS crushes on 3 guys that started in childhood and remain to this day! LOL Update: I have since reconnected with and (finally) gotten over all three of those sapsuckas!
FIVE: At one time in my life, I was VERY judgmental of others. Then, I found myself in the same situations that I had been particularly judgmental of. Nothing like an 'egg on my face' reality check!
SIX: I didn't know just how much I have in common with my cousin Shanell until I read her '25 RTFH&G' (I love you, Liz!)
SEVEN: I'm not as "nice" as people think I am...
EIGHT: One reason I only have one child is because I feared the next one wouldn't be as 'good'
NINE: Now, I want to have another child! : ) Update: God removed that desire from my heart with the birth of my gran'diva (I love you, Shari!)
TEN: From the moment I laid eyes on my 'little' sister Nacoyia, back in '79, when my mother brought her home from the hospital, I thought she was the most beautiful and precious little girl in the world. I still think of her and treat her as such to this day!
ELEVEN: My favorite snack to eat in the movie theater is Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn and Raisinets together
TWELVE: One of my biggest pet peeves is people smacking and slurping when drinking, eating or chewing gum.......UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!
THIRTEEN: I love doing MySpace Bulletin surveys....lol Update: WOW.....no more Myspace activity for me (although my page still remains).
FOURTEEN: When we were kids, growing up on Sheridan Avenue together, I wanted to look, walk and talk like Amy McCarthy. In high school, it made my day when people would say we looked like sisters (yeah, Amy, you didn't know that didja girl?? lol).
FIFTEEN: I used to think being a 'Tarver' was the SHIT......and, no matter what 'they' say, I still think being a 'Tarver' is the SHIT!
SIXTEEN: In the months before my father died, I expressed to him that I was angry with him for cheating on my Mom and being a 'womanizer' and having so many kids (10) with so many different women (4)....and I never got the chance to make peace with him while he was alive and tell him that I DO still love him, that I forgive him, and that, although 'his kids' get on my nerves (LOL), I'm still playing the 'big sis role' he designated for me and I thank him and God for my siblings (and StepMama Peggy) because they have all been a blessing to me and I don't know WHAT I would do without them in my life!
SEVENTEEN: The two years I spent at ('corny, wack, small, boring ass - whatever u wanna call it) SUNY Morrisville were two of the best and most enlightening years of my life.
EIGHTEEN: I attended SUNY MORRISVILLE when my daughter was 3-4 years old, and she was on campus with me often. I have pictures of her all over the campus, with many of my college buddies and a favorite profesor of mine. Now, my daughter is a Mo'ville student and not much has changed...including the cups in the dining hall (which I have a pic of her drinking out of as a tot) and my fav professor who still teaches there! Update: My daughter is no longer a student at SUNY Morrisville and they have since made some updates to the campus.
NINETEEN: I'm an 'old-fashioned' girl in the sense that I believe the man should the Head of the Household. Although I'm a 'control freak' in other areas of my life, the man for me MUST be capable and secure enough within himself to respectfully take the lead in our relationship. (This doesn't mean I'm a puppet so PLEASE DON'T get it twisted!)
TWENTY: In all of her 18.5 years, I don't believe I have ever whupped my daughter (yeah, I'm sure some of y'all might say...THAT'S her problem! LOL). She's been 'popped' and 'spanked' but never had a real ass-whuppiin from me. She's not perfect, but I think she turned out just fine! Update: My daughter is now 21.5 years old and I think I should given her at least 5 beatings in just within the past 3 years......haha
TWENTY-ONE: I haven't always been overweight, y'know....lol....and back when I was 85 lbs. lighter and considered 'thick', in my mind, I was just as big as I am now.......GO FIGURE!!!! (See, that's what people will do to you, if you're not secure within yourself)
TWENTY-TWO: I went to grad school for a year because (I thought) I wanted to be a teacher..... until I worked at Giffen....lol KUDOS to Mrs. (Shameka) Brown-Johnson (she ain't no joke!). Mrs. Thomas, Ms. Karp (forgot her married name), Mr. Dudley and all the other teachers who are holdng it down at GMES....very special people, indeed! Update: I am now seriously considering going back into the field of education....maybe even teaching.
TWENTY-THREE: The book 'Midnight: A Gangster Love Story' (by Sister Souljah) has changed me forever.......please pick up a copy and read it! Update: There is now a sequel to this book (that I've yet to read) called, 'Midnight and The Meaning Of Love'
TWENTY-FOUR: I prefer younger men....and apparently,they prefer me as well, since 90% of the guys who holla are younger than me Update: My mother told me this is my problem and I need to date older men and though I haven't experienced it yet, I'm thinking, she might be right!
TWENTY-FIVE: Last but not least, I truly believe in this statement about myself, "I MAY NOT BE PERFECT, BUT I'M DAMN NEAR CLOSE!" Update: In my dreams! However, I will say, I'm perfectly imperfect yet, perfect....for someone ;-)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
SUNDAYS with BFly......
"What you thought before has led to every choice you have made, and this adds up to you at this moment. If you want to change who you are physically, mentally, and spiritually, you will have to change what you think."
Dr. Patrick Gentempo
This quote speaks directly to me and the flow of my life. I've often wondered why I'm not who I want to be, where I want to be, with whom I want to be, doing what I want to do. As I watched people around me live (what seems to be) wonderful lives, I neglected to build the kind of life I wanted. I chose to spend more time sitting on the sideline (complaining, cheering, encouraging but feeling discouraged) instead of getting in the game and strengtening my abilities. I claimed to want certain things to occur in my life but, truth is, I never really believed I could have them. I didn't believe I was 'good enough.' No matter how smart, pretty, beautiful, good, loving and kind people told me I was, I didn't believe it was 'enough.' All the things I wanted to do, people I wanted to be associated with or accepted by, places I wanted to go and experiences I wanted to have always seemed to be out of my reach. I would dream of and plan to make things happen but my actions never followed up. Why? Because actions are driven by thoughts and although I dreamt of fabulous things for my life, I never thought they could actually happen. Until Now. Well almost.......
Now, I am re-training my mind to rid itself of the negative and replace with positive, affirming thoughts. I am distancing myself from people who have proven they are not worthy of my time and energy while categorizing the rest into their appropriate places. There are those who are 'For Me (actively show support, love and respect),' those who are 'For The Cause (not necessarily 'for me' but are aligned with who/what I stand for),' those who are 'For Fun (for entertainment purposes mostly but harmless)' and those who are 'For Life (sustaining relatives/long-term friends who are not active in my life on a daily basis but whose existence does or has made a difference in my world).' Recognizing who people really are and treating them accordingly (instead of giving out major benefits of doubt and huge amounts of undeserved credit) is key to my success.
Going forward, I will no longer question 'Why (or why not) Me?' without first acknowledging how I directed my life to where it stands at any given moment. I will be more mindful of my thoughts and more careful with my actions. I will envision, believe in, plan for and actively work towards whatever or whomever I want, need or desire in my life. I will remain humble yet not be afraid to stand strong & tall in my light. I will lead, by my thoughts, a life of the most favor, purpose and satisfaction possible. I will continue to aspire and be inspired......and I will keep in mind, the following:
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
HAPPY SUNDAY, ALL!Wednesday, January 11, 2012
BFly PRESENTS: 'WAY BACK WHEN'S DAYS,' where, every Wednesday, we'll take a trip down memory lane and discuss people, places and things from 'way back when.'
Today, let's talk about WAY BACK WHEN people 'had the red and black lumberjack with the hat to match' (rip Biggie). The year was 1984 and I was 11, 12 years old. Everybody who was anybody had a lumberjack coat. The colors varied from a plain black & white combination to pretty pinks, poppin purples, sunny yellows and bright oranges....with black, of course. If you didn't have one of these coats, you were not cool, couldn't be fly and definitely not hot.
My mother, the fashionista that she was, kept me and my sisters well-dressed, hair done (by her mostly) and hygiene up to par. She was always complimented on how well she took care of her girls....and she took pride in doing so. It was all fine and dandy until middle school....where most kids first experience the pressure of their peers. In '84, '85, a lot of kids my age were sporting lumberjacks, Goose downs, gold bangles, bamboo earrings, rope chains, Puma or Adidas sneakers, Salt 'n Pepa haircuts, spandex and leather jackets. My sister and I? Not so much.
You see, Ms. Mary (my mother) wasn't into the 'hip hop' or 'urban' scene. She was a conservative woman whose fashion style was mostly classic with not much trend sprinkled in. When webegged asked for stonewashed or two-toned jeans, sneakers and a purple or pink Goose, we were answered with a 'Yeah right!' look. Eventually, she did compromise and bought us the jeans we wanted (oh, how I loved my Sergio Valente and blue/gray two-toned jeans) but coats, sneaks and jewelry....noooooooooo can do! Eventually, my sister and I did get some of the things we wanted....but not enough to be comsidered 'Fly Girls.' We were 'fly,' in our own right, and definitely part of the 'in' crowd. But 'round the way girls' we were not (and I sooooo wanted to be one)!
Were you a 'Fly Girl/Guy?' What trendy fashions did you rock back in the day? Did your parents finance your fashion or did you find other ways to get what you wanted?
My mother, the fashionista that she was, kept me and my sisters well-dressed, hair done (by her mostly) and hygiene up to par. She was always complimented on how well she took care of her girls....and she took pride in doing so. It was all fine and dandy until middle school....where most kids first experience the pressure of their peers. In '84, '85, a lot of kids my age were sporting lumberjacks, Goose downs, gold bangles, bamboo earrings, rope chains, Puma or Adidas sneakers, Salt 'n Pepa haircuts, spandex and leather jackets. My sister and I? Not so much.
You see, Ms. Mary (my mother) wasn't into the 'hip hop' or 'urban' scene. She was a conservative woman whose fashion style was mostly classic with not much trend sprinkled in. When we
Were you a 'Fly Girl/Guy?' What trendy fashions did you rock back in the day? Did your parents finance your fashion or did you find other ways to get what you wanted?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Today is my granddaughter's first birthday.............HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAR ST*R!
......and though she has no idea of how special this day is, her parents and family are excited about it. So excited that her soon-to-be step-grandma set up a special birthday photo shoot, complete with custom-made outfits, props and a special-ordered birthday cake. I wasn't surprised that A'shari would be taking birthday pictures because her parents have taken her to get photos taken for every month of her life. So, this month would be no different. And what a photo shoot it was! I'm not permitted to post too many of the exclusive photos so I have these few on this post and I may post a few more later. Anyway, I thought I would be spending this day with my gran'diva, getting in some quality G'ammi time, but her parents have hijacked my plans and are taking Lil' Miss A'shari out on the town. Sooooooooooo, I guess I'll see her when she gets home.
In the meantime, a big birthday bash is planned for this weekend and....I dread it. It's not that I don't want to celebrate my grandbaby and her first year of life. I just think it's such a waste of money for parents to spend a lot of money and put in so much effort for a baby's 1st birthday. I mean, the kid has no idea it's their birthday and more than likely, will feel more aggravated than celebrated by all of the people who are sure to be in their faces for hours on end. Then, you factor in all the noise, the 'scary' characters that people sometimes hire and it's really just a recipe for Baby Meltdown. I understand parents want to go all out for their little one and show everyone how special their kid is but.....Baby's First Birthday Bash......really?
Don't get me wrong, my daughter certainly had a first birthday party but I believe we celebrated it at McDonald's...or maybe it was at the house. See? I can't even remember it so I know she damn sure doesn't. Anyway, I tried to convince my daughter to 'dare to be different' and keep it simple: hot dogs, hamburgers, salad, chips and cake at the house with close relatives and friends. All the money that will be spent on a party can be used for more important things like, my daughter's college tuition, baby's necessities or baby's savings account. Start a new family tradition for celebrating birthdays: memorable experiences that include travel, culture and character-building. But, noooooooooooooooo, she wouldn't hear of it. A'shari has to have a big party and invite every person she knows. That's it and that's all. So, this weekend we'll be celebrating the gran'diva's first year of life in the way of A Berry Big Birthday Bash with Strawberry Shortcake themed everything; complete with a professional photo set up, custom-made birthday cake and personalized games. I'm sure it's gonna be great fun, with lots of good food, people, music (yes, the girl is even gonna have a DJ playing strawberry shortcake-themed music) and many great moments to cherish.
one of many gran'divalicious photos from her
First Birthday Photo Shoot....
......and though she has no idea of how special this day is, her parents and family are excited about it. So excited that her soon-to-be step-grandma set up a special birthday photo shoot, complete with custom-made outfits, props and a special-ordered birthday cake. I wasn't surprised that A'shari would be taking birthday pictures because her parents have taken her to get photos taken for every month of her life. So, this month would be no different. And what a photo shoot it was! I'm not permitted to post too many of the exclusive photos so I have these few on this post and I may post a few more later. Anyway, I thought I would be spending this day with my gran'diva, getting in some quality G'ammi time, but her parents have hijacked my plans and are taking Lil' Miss A'shari out on the town. Sooooooooooo, I guess I'll see her when she gets home.
Birthday photo-shoot cake.....
In the meantime, a big birthday bash is planned for this weekend and....I dread it. It's not that I don't want to celebrate my grandbaby and her first year of life. I just think it's such a waste of money for parents to spend a lot of money and put in so much effort for a baby's 1st birthday. I mean, the kid has no idea it's their birthday and more than likely, will feel more aggravated than celebrated by all of the people who are sure to be in their faces for hours on end. Then, you factor in all the noise, the 'scary' characters that people sometimes hire and it's really just a recipe for Baby Meltdown. I understand parents want to go all out for their little one and show everyone how special their kid is but.....Baby's First Birthday Bash......really?
Don't get me wrong, my daughter certainly had a first birthday party but I believe we celebrated it at McDonald's...or maybe it was at the house. See? I can't even remember it so I know she damn sure doesn't. Anyway, I tried to convince my daughter to 'dare to be different' and keep it simple: hot dogs, hamburgers, salad, chips and cake at the house with close relatives and friends. All the money that will be spent on a party can be used for more important things like, my daughter's college tuition, baby's necessities or baby's savings account. Start a new family tradition for celebrating birthdays: memorable experiences that include travel, culture and character-building. But, noooooooooooooooo, she wouldn't hear of it. A'shari has to have a big party and invite every person she knows. That's it and that's all. So, this weekend we'll be celebrating the gran'diva's first year of life in the way of A Berry Big Birthday Bash with Strawberry Shortcake themed everything; complete with a professional photo set up, custom-made birthday cake and personalized games. I'm sure it's gonna be great fun, with lots of good food, people, music (yes, the girl is even gonna have a DJ playing strawberry shortcake-themed music) and many great moments to cherish.
Too bad the birthday girl won't remember any of it. SMH
yummmmm........good!
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