REALLY (Black People)?!

People are all up in a tizzy because Julianne Hough (a white singer/dancer/actress) dressed up as 'Crazy Eyes' (a black character from the Netflix hit show, Orange Is The New Black) for Halloween, complete with a brown painted face. They are comparing it to a highly racist and negative practice that whites used, way back in the day (and some still do), as a form of entertainment.

Really, Black people?! These are two totally different things, in my opinion. She was dressing up for Halloween, for goodness' sake! She wasn't doing a minstrel show or trying to be funny or derogatory with her actions. I don't know her personally, but I'm assuming that she is a fan of the show (as I am and alot of people are) and thought 'Crazy Eyes' made for a good Halloween costume. According to reports, Julianne was not aware of the history of 'blackface' and she did not mean any disrespect towards the black community. Some have suggested that 'her people' should have known and should have warned her that dressing up as this character would not be a good idea or that she could have done the character without the brown face. I beg to differ. Halloween is a holiday on which people dress up as all sorts of people, characters, things, demons, goblins and monsters. It's a day where you get to be something/someone other than yourself, in the name of fun (for the most part). I see nothing wrong with Julianne being this character and choosing to go 'all the way' with her costume. Sure, she could have donned the orange jumpsuit, put her hair in (some semblance of) bantu knots and kept her own white face buuuutttt......(in my opinion) it comes across so much better with the brown face.

To each his/her own but I think, these days, people jump on any little thing and scream 'racist/racism!' Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some black person who doesn't believe we've come such a long way that racism is not an issue. Oh, it very much is. But what I don't like, and refuse to cosign, are things that are 1)minor sand particles built up into a mountain 2)innocent occurrences (such as this) that get misconstrued or turned into something it is not or ever intended to be 3)jumping on the 'It's racism!' bandwagon just because somebody said it was racism. How are we ever to make more and bigger strides towards less racism if, at every chance (big or small), we are screaming racism and brewing major media storms about small or nonexisent issues? If everything a non-black person does that however remotely looks like they are being insensitive, disrespectful or derogatory is fodder for a race rally, how can we ever get past it? As it's said, perception is reality so, while there are definitely racist folks around and racist practices going down, I think we need to adjust our mind's eye just a little bit. One of my favorite quotes is:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
_ mahatma ghandi

Choose your battles wisely and fight when it's necessary, but please people, please....stop the 'stinkin thinkin!' Besides, Julianne's face ain't black. Like Tamar Braxton said, she just looks like she has a tan.

p.s. Julianne, stop stealing people's ideas.....you knew I was planning to be 'Crazy Eyes' for Halloween (I really was, y'all)!

BFly's Black Herstory Month: The Single Mother

In celebration of BFly’s Black Herstory Month, I would like to give honor & praise to the Single Mom. By definition, a single mother is a female parent who is head of her household, raising children on her own (with or without some degree of outside assistance from the male parent or other relatives). I know there are some single fathers out there, raising their children on a full-time basis but I don’t know any personally. I am also well aware that there are some single (and not single) mothers who don’t give their all and are not committed to raising happy, healthy, well-rounded citizens.  I’m not talking about them. Today, I want to celebrate the women I know who do this job and do it well…in some cases, exceptionally well. Whether or not a single mother receives financial, emotional or physical assistance from the other parent residing outside the household, her job is never easy. There is a huge difference between raising a child 24/7 and spending weekends, holidays and other planned time with them.  A single parent works full-time with rare breaks and no salary. She has to fill many roles along with being a parent: she is a maid, a cook, a chauffeur, personal assistant, stylist, nurse, teacher, referee, counselor, disciplinarian and the list goes on and on.  She is not allowed to quit when the going gets tough and she has no substitute to call on when she needs a day off.  Single moms everywhere work hard, sacrifice greatly and give more than they ever thought they possibly could.  So, today, I want to give them a shout out, some words of encouragement, formal acknowledgment and thanks for making such a wonderful contribution to society in the way of raising good human beings.  To all the great single mothers out there, I say:

Bravo to you, my sister

Your job is never done

Yet you continue to put that time in

Long after age twenty-one

Long after the kids mature

And are well off on their own

Their mother is always ‘Mommy’

And to her, they’re never grown

They remember all the nights you held them close to your heart

All the baths you gave, the meals you made, the love felt from the start

Being a good mother takes more than can be measured

And the memories created, for a lifetime, will be treasured

All the lessons that you taught and the battles that you fought

Will be honored when you see how strong and tall your children walk

When they take their first steps onto the path of independence

Accomplish goals, pursue their dreams and know their possibilities are endless

It’s because of you, dear Mom, that they have drive, that they can strive

That they know how to live, laugh and love, that they can smile with their eyes

And for them, I’ll say, THANK YOU Mom, for all that you’ve done

For raising an ambitious daughter, for raising a courageous son

a child who can now face the world on her own

a child who can give love because that’s what he was shown

The most important job of all is raising up a child

Shaping them into responsible adults, making their lives worthwhile

So while it seems the work you do is hardly ever done

If you’ve raised up a child in the way she should go then your race Is clearly won

CELEBRATE YOU, CELEBRATE LIFE, CELEBRATE LOVE!

Sameialika Tarver © February 24, 2012

This poem is dedicated to some very special single mothers I know who, in spite of their circumstances, are doing a helluva job raising their children in the way they should go: My sisters, Charliez Angelz: R. Tarver, K. Tarver, S. Tarver, N. Smith, N. Tarver, A. Tarver, C. Tarver, my dear cousins, E. Brace, S. Tarver & R. Monell and sista-friends, E. Manley, M. Moore, L. Harris, C. Hines, T. Johnson, K. Johnson, T. Mitchell, K. Thomas, S. Monk, S. Grady-Moses, and L. Phillips. These women are awesome mothers of awesome children.  Today, I salute you!

Cheers To The Freakin Weekend.......

In celebration of the upcoming 'holiday,' there are Halloween parties going down, all over town, all weekend.  My sisters, friends and I usually get together and throw a big bash but, this year, we're keeping it simple: On Saturday, a small group of us will get together and have lots of ghould food and drinks, music and cameras flashing (or clicking) everywhere.  We're planning to party at a club or two; I'm sure, whatever we decide to do, we will have a blast doing it.  

Enjoy your Halloween, everyone....and BE SAFE!

FAMILY TIES.....

I come from a huge family (that consists of maternal, paternal and step- members) and share close relationships with a lot of my relatives.  I'm especially close to my 9 siblings plus a few extra sista-friends (sf).  So, naturally, there's always 'something going on' and 'somewhere we must to go.'  God forbid, one of us claims we can't attend....all hell will break loose!  You better be on your deathbed (or something of that caliber) to miss out on any event deemed 'mandatory' by the sisters/sfs.  So what, if you're trying to stop drinking, so what if you're trying to eat healthier, so what if you're trying to lose weight.  You had better be there.....or else!  And of course, there will be (unhealthy) food & (alcoholic) beverages served at these functions so if you don't have self-control, too damn bad for you.  This is especially unsettling because there really isn't much of a break between these 'mandatory celebrations/gatherings.' When I try to think of one whole month where there is no one's birthday, anniversary or other milestone to celebrate, I can't.  In addition to official celebrations, not a week goes by when there is no suggestion by one of my siblings/sf/me to 'get together, have some drinks and get our gab on.'  NOT ONE.  And every weekend must be commemorated by the consumption of alcohol and one of the following: wings/pizza/chinese food/fish fry or some other form of fast/junk food.

As this weekend begins, I just shake my head because I know what I'm getting ready to get myself into.  I've already received the invite from my Sis to 'bmob and show up at her house by 9pm tonight.'  Tomorrow, we'll be celebrating my aunt's birthday, where there will be gallons of alcohol and tons of food (and loads of fun).  Sunday will likely be a 'man-down' day as I am sure I will need at least 24 hours to recuperate from the weekend.  I'm looking forward to the great times that lie ahead but I shake my head at the fact that this weekend will not serve as a step towards my goal.  In fact, no day or weekend spent with my family (in celebration mode) will bring me closer to my goal. It will only hold me back. That being said, I may have to (temporarily) cut my family ties in order to gain control of my health and develop/sustain healthy habits.  And they (I) will not be happy about that.  PRAY FOR ME!

WE FALL DOWN.......

Okay, so this weekend, I fell off track.....

I went out on Friday night to celebrate my cousin's birthday.....had some lemon-pepper wings (only 5...and I did have carrots & celery too) w/a smidgeon of bleu cheese and 3 (7-9 oz) Southern Sex On The Beach cocktails (southern comfort, vodka, orange & cranberry juices). I was home early.....by 1am and asleep before 2:30 am.....but missed my 11am workout w/trainer on Saturday. Because I didn't work out that day, I decided to stay in Saturday night to avoid drinking a bunch of alcohol and eating a bunch of food. However, I did have 2 slices of cheese pizza for late dinner on Saturday night. I also had garden salad with no dressing and, I must say, it was pretty tasty. I did end up pouring myself one cocktail and drank about 24 oz of Pepsi during the night.

Yesterday, I was bad bad baaaaaaad! I went to Cracker Barrel with a friend for brunch to celebrate her birthday and had 2 pancakes w/butter & syrup, 3 slices of bacon, hashbrown casserole (app 1 cup) and a tall glass of cranberry/orange juice. Then, last night, I went to my sister's house and had fried chicken (6 wing dings), mashed potatoes & mixed vegetables ( about 1/2 cup each) for dinner. Also, I drank 3-4 glasses of Red Alize (6 oz each).


Today, I am getting back on track. I worked out for an hour, doing 2 dance routines via Exercise On Demand and I've only had water so far. I do plan to have a lil treat some time today but I will be fully on point tomorrow. I would say, for the rest of the week, but I know I have to take this thing one day at a time........



HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!