CHANGE

As I’ve stated before, this blog started out in one direction then I decided to switch lanes. I thought it would be better…….more interesting……if my blog didn’t have a theme….if I just talked about different things & various topics.  But I didn’t take into consideration that I am very much an organized, theme-oriented person.  Whenever I contemplate hosting any kind of event, whether it’s a last-minute, friends & family gathering or a monumental occasion, I have to think of a theme for it. For me, things just flow better that way. Everyone has their own way of doing things and organizing their lives. Some people haphazardly navigate through life with no plan or half of a plan, no clear direction or particular grouping.  I can’t operate like that.  Most, not all, things have to be done in a particular order or with some semblance of uniformity.  When I go grocery shopping, all of the cold things must be bagged with similar or like products, household items with other household items, boxes & cans with other boxes & cans, etc. etc.; when I take a shower, I must begin the body cleanse with my left arm and end with a cloth-free facial wash;   When I watch TV, I prefer to sit in a particular chair or position on the bed with a drink or snack beside me (I know, that’s badbadbad); When I plan a vacation or major event (such as moving, a party, life-changing habits)  the dates & times must coincide with another date/time of some significance (i.e., beginning right after or ending right before a pay period, surrounding & including a birthday, holiday, milestone, etc. or the beginning or ending of a week, month or year).  Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying I can’t be spontaneous. That I can do and is entirely something else.  Being spontaneous usually doesn’t include doing something that involves a major expense, extended time investment or long-term commitment.  There is no planning in spontaneity so that is not what I am referring to.  I am talking about making major moves or doing something that involves quite a bit of personal commitment.  To do something like that, in a randomly fashion just. doesn’t. feel. right. to me.  That being said, I will be taking my blog in another direction.

For years, I have thought about writing an article, short story, book series, novel, screenplay…..and blog about my experiences as a girl, as a young adult, as a woman, as a Black woman, as an overweight Black woman, as an overweight Black woman who is also a mother……a lover, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, an employee, an employer, a leader, a follower, a teacher, a student, etc. etc.  Yet, I kept telling myself that ‘nobody wants to hear about that sh*t.’  Well, I’m silencing Negative Nancy and I’m going to do just what my heart has always desired. I am going to blog about, write about, talk about my life experiences and the effects they’ve had on me.  If you want to read about it, good……if you’ll read & respond, even better……if you don’t care to read about any of it, that’s fine too.  Whatever your choice, it won’t stop me from doing what I truly want to do.  So, for those who want to stay with me, please have a little patience as I work on the technical aspects of bringing my new blog to life.  In the meantime, please read, comment on & share what I’ve written thus far. Those, for whom the journey stops here, well, I thank you for coming along.  In either event...

The Buttafly Diaries will continue………

Watch Your Language

 

 

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit”
(Proverbs 18:21, NIV)

WORD FROM JOEL & VICTORIA

Our words have creative power. Whenever we speak something out, either good or bad, we are giving life to what we are saying. Too many people go around saying negative things about themselves, their family, and their future. Things like, “I’ll never be successful. This sickness is going to get the best of me. Business is so slow I don’t think I’m going to make it. Flu season is coming. I’ll probably get it.” They don’t realize they are prophesying their future. The Scripture says, “We will eat the fruit of our words.” That means we’re going to get exactly what we’ve been saying.

Here is the key: you’ve got to send your words out in the direction you want your life to go. You cannot talk defeat and expect to have victory. You can’t talk lack and expect to have abundance. You will produce what you’ve been saying. With your words you can either bless or curse your future. Make sure your words are what God says about you so you can move forward in the life of blessing He has in store for you. 

Speak goodness, peace, health and wealth into your life today (and always)...........enjoy your weekend!

 

 

In Memory Of.....

 I haven’t blogged lately because, within the past 2 weeks, I have had to deal with the deaths and attend the funerals of two of my beloved relatives: one connected to me by blood, the other by marriage, both by a strong bond of love. I could say a lot about Nessa & Jamel and the relationship I shared with each of them but if you know me well enough, you’re already aware of it and if you don’t, well, you probably wouldn’t really care to know. That being said, I want to give them their space on my blog, to let the world (well, the small portion who pay attention to BD) know who they were and what they meant to me.

April 21, 1961 – February 23, 2012

My older cousin, Vernisia Eaddy, best known as ‘Nessa,’ was the mother of one and an outspoken, funny and fun-loving diva. She moved to California more than 10 years ago but stayed in touch with family on the East Coast and made several visits back home. Each time she was in town, the family carved out quality time together that was always filled with love & laughter. Despite the fact that the marriage ties that originally made us family had been cut years ago, the bond remained and we never ceased regarding each other as relatives. She loved me as I loved her and her effervescent presence, bold fashion sense & big laughter will be sorely missed.

 January 10, 1972 – March 4, 2012

My first cousin, Jamel M. Tarver, and I shared a special bond. Not only were we blood relatives, born less than a year apart but our fathers were close brothers who practically raised us as siblings. Jamel was the kind of cousin/big bro who was endearing yet annoying. He was there, whether you wanted/needed him to be or not. He expressed his love with action not just words and was genuinely concerned with his loved ones’ well-being. He loved to be with his relatives and was determined to keep his own family (that included his wife and four children) together. Jamel had some struggles throughout his short life but he found solace in his relationship with God and his faith was strong. He was a committed husband, an involved & doting father, a loving and beloved son, brother, uncle, cousin and friend. Over 1000….ONE THOUSAND…..people attended his wake & funeral to pay their last respects. That, in itself, speaks to the kind of person he was. Jamel was not just my cousin, he was someone I could count on….at any time for anything. If what I needed was within his power, he’d have made it happen for me.

I’m going to miss his big smile, gregarious personality, belly-deep laughter and insane protection….but I will forever hold and feel in my heart, his everlasting love.

 

Rest in peace, my loves………

There's A First Time For Everything

MY FIRSTS......

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? QUENTIN

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? YES

3. What was your 1st alcoholic drink? RED BULL MALT LIQUOR....anybody remember that?? lol

4. What was your FIRST job? SUMMER JOB WITH CITY OF ALBANY YOUTH PROGRAM

5. What was your FIRST car? PONTIAC GRAND AM.....THANK U TRINA! : )

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? TWIGGY

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? THE GRAN'DIVA

8. Who was your FIRST teacher? MRS. F (can't think of her full last name) @ DOWNTOWN DAY CARE CENTER

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? CALIFORNIA WHEN I WAS A TODDLER....don't remember it, but as an adult, ATL BABY!

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk? SHERIDAN AVE CREW...KIM, TWIGGY & CAMILLE....INDEED WE DO!

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over? IDK...KIM'S, TWIGG'S OR CAMILLE'S

12. Who was the first person you spoke to today? MY DAUGHTER

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? MY MOTHER'S

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? USED THE BATHROOM

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? I THINK LL COOL J

16. FIRST tattoo? TIGER & NAME ON MY BACK...FIRST AND ONLY

17. First piercing? EARS

18. First foreign country you've been to? JAMAICA

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing? SOUNDER

20. When was your FIRST detention? SEVENTH GRADE, LIVINGSTON...WHERE ALL MY TROUBLES BEGAN! smh

21. What was the first state you lived in? NY

22. If you had one wish, What would it be? MY BROTHER-IN-LAW WOULD BE RELEASED FROM PRISON

23. What is something you would learn if you had the chance? HOW TO DANCE LIKE MY SISTER, NACOYIA.....LOL

24. What's the first purchase you'd make if you won $1M??  A VACATION FOR ME & THE LADIES

25. Who is the first person you'd call to share good news with?  ONE OF MY SISTERS  Bad News? ONE OF MY SISTERS

What Are Your Firsts?

Half....Not

I used to love the sitcom, Half & Half (starring Telma Hopkins, Valerie Pettiford, Obba Babatunde, Rachel True, Essence Atkins & Chico Benymon) which aired on the CW from 2002-2006. It was a show about 2 sisters….half sisters……who shared the same father, Charles Thorne (played by OB). The sister had 2 very different upbringings and led completely different lives which, of course, let to some conflict. Mona was the eldest sibling and raised by her mother, Phyllis (played by TH) and Dee Dee, the younger of the two, was raised (and spoiled) by her married parents. Throughout the series, the sisters and their mothers had numerous disagreements and confrontations. Mona often felt neglected and treated ‘lesser than’ while Dee Dee seemed to be oblivious to her ‘higher position’ on the Thorne family tree. I loved the show because, not only was it entertaining, but some of the situations presented were real; things people actually deal with in those kinds of situations.  It reminded me of my own family tree except mine has many more branches than theirs; and where Mona & Dee Dee referred to each other as half-sisters, my siblings and I never, ever use the word ‘half’ when describing each other. I am the eldest of both my parents’ children: my mother’s 3 daughters and 1 son and my father’s 9 daughters and 1 son. I am going to break it down for you so please, pay attention. With my mother (Mom #1), my Dad had 3 daughters; with Mom #2, my Dad had 2 daughters, with Mom #3, he had 1 daughter and with Mom #4 (who became his wife), he had 3 daughters (one of which passed away as an infant) & 1 son.  After her 10 year relationship with my Dad ended, my Mom got married and had 1 son with her then-husband. My maternal baby brother shared a special relationship with my Dad and although he is no blood relation to them, all of my father’s children claim and treat him as if he were. So, in all, there are 10 of us (living).  Got it? Okay……moving along.

All of our lives, my father emphasized to my siblings and I the importance of family and of sticking together, no matter what. He didn’t care what the argument was about or who had done wrong, we better have each other’s back at the bottom line and that’s that. So, we lived by that, for the most part. There have been violations of one by another, in varying degrees and we have managed to survive them all.  Yet, there does lie an undercurrent of resentment and jealousy that hasn’t really been dealt with. Thing is, that undercurrent wasn’t sparked by anything my siblings and I did towards each other; it was ignited by the relationships between our parents and the emotions of our mothers. In the early years, at one time or another, each of our mothers was guilty of speaking negatively about either the other mothers, the other children or both. My Mom, in particular, wouldn’t allow us to claim 2 of our sisters who were born ‘on her time’ (while she was with my Dad).  Anytime we’d mention ‘our sister, so-n-so,’ she would promptly and emphatically say, ‘That’s NOT your sister!’  We never stopped claiming them though.  After a while, she got over it (I assume, when she got over her feelings for my Dad and moved on with her life) and, since then, hasn’t tried to make us disown our siblings. My other siblings’ mothers have been guilty of the same or something similar or worse.  Despite it all, though, my sisters, brothers and I remained a unit. My father didn’t have a lot of money so he didn’t financially support any of us as much as he was responsible for but what he couldn’t do with money he tried to make up with time. Some of us got a lot, some of us got very little, which is another source of the resentment a few of my siblings carry.

It wasn’t until we were all in our late teens – early 20’s, however, that the jealousy and resentment began to rear their ugly heads.  We didn’t recognize it as such, in the beginning.  It came across as somebody having a bad day or a nasty attitude or an incident-specific reaction. As the conflicts became more serious and behaviors more hurtful, deeper discussions began to take place. There have been times when one wasn’t speak to another….or a few. There have been loud debates, treacherous arguments and yes, a couple times, blows have even been thrown. Throughout it all, though, we remain a unit; partially because we don’t want to disrespect my father’s legacy by falling apart but mostly because, we really do love each other. We spend A LOT of time together and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.  Our children are very close and within the group, there are extra-special bonds.  If my father were alive today (he died 8.5 years ago), I think he would be proud that we’ve managed to stand together, despite our issues. In my father’s memory, the bonds of sister/brotherhood remain strong. We fight hard, we love hard, we protect each other….hard.  No matter what goes on behind the scenes, we (will) find a way to work it out and remain side by side…..and ain’t nothing ‘half’ about that!

I Love you Charliez Angelz!!

** I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. – Maya Angelou **

STATS

Today begins my ’90-Day BFly Kickoff’ as well as, my ’40 in 40 Bday Bucket List.’ My BBL hasn’t reached 40 things yet but I’m sure it will, in due time. As of now, my list stands at 22. 

I am starting out my 90 day kickoff as an official member of Weight Watchers and my stats are as follows:

WEIGHT - 225 lbs.

ANKLES – 9.25 in.

WRISTS – 6.5 in.

THIGHS – 25 in.

BICEPS – 13.5 in.

NECK – 14.75 in.

BELLY – 48 in. (I know….whoa!)

CLOTHING SIZE - 18
SHOE SIZE - 8, 8.5

PHOTO (to be added tonight or tomorrow)

Now let me ask, how many of you would share this information with the world?  Yup, about 5….that’s what I thought! I’m not ashamed of my measurements though….this is who I am, who I built myself up to be. If I want them to be different, then it’s up to me to reshape my body and my mind, one day at a time.  I’m not afraid to share this information because it is my hope that I will help someone else who may be in the same or similar predicament.  Knowledge is power and believing in yourself is an immeasurable motivator.  Through my challenges and triumphs, I hope someone will be inspired to feel better, do better, be better!

*Progress Report #1 next Thursday