PROGRESS REPORT

Within the past few weeks, I've received compliments on my weight loss/changing body shape from a number of people.  The compliments were unexpected, which made me feel even better, because I hadn't realized my body changed in such a noticeable way. As I've said previously, I'm taking this weight-loss thing one day at a time. In fact, it's not even a 'weight-loss thing' anymore.  I've embarked upon a lifestyle change that requires me to take baby steps. It's the best way to go, for me. If the small changes are recognized and celebrated, they will likely grow into big changes. Although I had been cutting back on late-night eating and all-around drinking (soda, alcohol, juices, etc.), I was still surprised when my jeans started to feel loose. I was like, 'Whoa, wait a minute, what's going on?'  So, when people started saying, 'Girl, you look good,' or 'What have you been doing?' or 'Hey girl, I see you....keep up the good work!,' I was like, 'Huh?' Uhhhh, okaaayyyy' with a raised eyebrow.  But, the more people said it, the more I believed that the small changes were really translating into good progress.

My progress was further bolstered by the fact that, although, I haven't completely gone down a size, there are some items of clothing I can wear in the next size down.  It's funny because I didn't know this until my sister bought me a pair of pants and shirt in a size 1x for my birthday.  I tried it on without even looking at the size, assuming they were my 'normal' size (2x).  So, it was a pleasant surprise, when I took them off and removed the tags, to notice they were sized 1x....and fit perfectly!  I felt great because, not only have I been wearing a size 2x or 20 for the longest time but I was really on my way to a 3x, size 22 (and in fact, did own a few articles of clothing in that size).  After that, I said, okay, I won't weigh myself for a while because, I didn't believe I had lost any significant amount of weight (I just didn't see it) and I didn't want to be disappointed by the numbers on the scale.  I felt some changes in my body and other people noticed the changes so I was good with that.  Until this morning, when I finally weighed myself.

I like to weigh myself in the morning because there's no 'extra weight' on me, in the form of food or clothing.  So, as I brushed my teeth in my birthday suit, I eyed the scale and said, 'today is the day I will see what the scale has to say.'  Sometimes, while brushing my teeth, I'll see the scale and say I'm going to weigh myself but by the time I'm done brushing, I forget all about it.  This morning was no different.  It wasn't until after I was dressed that I realized I forgot to weigh myself.  Despite the fact that I was running a few minutes behind, I undressed and got on the scale. I really wanted to know the facts, today. Wearing just my underwear, I stepped on the scale and it read: 228 lbs. Woooooo!  Now, I know that sounds like a lot to most of  you and, in fact, it IS alot but for me, it's progress.  Last year, this time, I weighed 240 lbs.  In fact, up until last September, October, I weighed around 240 lbs.  So, to weigh 228 lbs today is great.  When I saw the number, I immediately thought, 'Okay, I got to keep pushing!  I'm under 230, now let's get under 220.' Furthermore, seeing that number made me soooooooooooo glad I was able to resist the urge to eat McDonald's last night. I hadn't eaten anything all day so when I saw the sign, I thought, 'Yup, that's dinner for tonight!' I drove into the parking lot and pulled over to the side to wait for my daughter to respond to my text, asking her if she wanted anything.  But, as I sat there and thought about it.....I knew I shouldn't do it.  Not only was it Sunday...and who eats McDonald's on a Sunday?!.....but it just didn't feel good.  So after reading a few Facebook statuses talking about what people were cooking for their families for Sunday dinner carefully thinking about it, I decided to go home and cook.  Not only did I save money and tons of calories by cooking my own dinner, but it was much tastier than McD's would have been AND there was enough left over for me to have for lunch today.  Then, to find out this morning that I've lost 12 lbs.?????  Yeah, McD's, I'll pass!

In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I think I've lost the weight required of me to get the Lap-Band surgery (a decision I made a few months back).  Although, now I'm not so sure that I'm going to go through with it.  There are a few reasons why this is but that's fodder for another post.  In the meantime, I will continue making small but significant steps in my journey to a healthier, happier, lighter me!

CONGRATULATIONS, Bey' and Jay!

Media reports have revealed that two of my favorite people, Mr. & Mrs. Shawn Carter aka Beyonce & Jay-Z, have given birth to their baby girl, Ivy Blue or Blu Ivy (depending on which report you read).  Apparently, their daughter is named to commemorate the day of the month on which both of them were born, IV for four (Bey' - Sept. 4 and Jay - Dec. 4) and Dad's longstanding relationship with the word/color blue.  Jay-Z is also the fourth child born in his family.  As much as I love these two and most everything they do, I can't say I love this name.  I like names that are unique and/or have special meaning but Ivy Blue.....really, Mr & Mrs. Carter?  I mean, Ivy isn't unique at all but the meaning behind it, I think, is sweet.  Maybe they should've named her Phor Blu or Blu Phor..........haha....I don't know.  Anyway, baby girl is here....and I'm hopefully assuming she's a healthy, happy newborn.  Whatever her name is....and of course, her parents couldn't care less what I or anyone else thinks about it.....she is already loved by family and strangers alike.  So, I would just like to wish them all the best as they embark upon their new journey into parenthood. 

CONGRATULATIONS, Bey' and Jay!  Auntie BFly loves you Blu! ;-)

SUNDAYS with BFly.......

In two days, my gran'diva will turn One Year Old.....wow.  I know it's cliche, but it really does seem like just yesterday that I was ready to wring my daughter's neck and drop her narrow behind between the slits in a sewer cover for getting pregnant at such an inappopriate, unplanned for and totally not-ready-for time.  Ooh, I could've killed that girl! I digress......anyway, obviously, I got over it and from the moment I laid eyes on the gran'diva, in the womb (via ultrasound), I was in love. 

A'shari Q. A. Cooper is one delightful little girl with whom I plan to make great memories, spend tons of money, energy and time and just love, love, love until I can't love no mo'!  Having her in our lives has changed our circumstances drastically......but more for the better than not.  Watching my daughter grow and mature in ways she probably wouldn't have otherwise, at this age is both sobering and refreshing.  I'm convinced that A'shari aka Shar Star aka the gran'diva aka....okay, I'll stop now (hahaha)....was given to us for a few reasons: ONE, to motivate her mother to, not only hold fast to her goals & dreams but to put in that work to make them happen; TWO, to inspire her 89 year old great-great grandmother (my beloved grandma) to get up every morning and continue to live, laugh and love. The two of them together are like old friends....they each light up the other's life with their mere presence; and THREE, to remind her G'ammi (that's me) what pure, unconditional love is all about, to invigorate my spirit and push me to live life on the next level.

I remember being a pregnant teen and vowing to myself that I would not drop out of school (like my mother and alot of people predicted or thought I would) and I would not become a statistic.  Yes, I would have a baby and have to repeat the 11th grade but, by golly, I will walk across that stage with my head held high, if it's the last thing I do......and I did.  After graduating high school, I remember feeling like, 'I can't stop, won't stop.' Sure, I lost a scholarship due to my year late graduation but there were other schools I could apply to.  So, I did.....and I went on to college, leaving my 3 year old daughter at home and a relationship that I desperately wanted but knew was falling apart.  All through my college years (took me 6 years to complete my bachelor's degree), I struggled with trying to make that relationship work, take care of my daughter and earn my degree.  The one thing that kept me going was wanting to be better and do better for my child.

As did her mother, my gran'diva inspires me to stay strong in the game.  Her smile and laughter keep my spirits high, her growth and discovery make me want to learn and experience more....even her tears give me strength, as they remind me that continued patience is a virtue (cause that big mouth of hers sure can inspire one to lose their mind....lol) and communication is key.  She is a wonder to behold and for that, I can now let go of the plans & dreams I had for my daughter yesterday and give all praises due today, for the wonderful blessing of my granddaughter.   

Who or what uplifts your spirit and inspires you to be better?

Resolutions, Shmesolutions!

While I have vowed not to make any resolutions (that I hardly ever keep anyway) this year, I have made plans.  Plans that I've talked about.  Plans that I'm excited about.  Plans that I am about. 

As suggested by fellow blogger, Michele Grant (author of the 'Black and Bougie' blog, http://www.blacknbougie.com/, of which I am a fan), people need to stop harping on what they didn't do, what they wanna do ,what they 'gon do and make plans to just DO.  The plans I'm referring to are not those written down on a scrap sheet of paper only to get lost in 2012's clutter or notes taken in a spare notebook, or even an entry into one's journal, to be closed up and never referred to again.  I'm talking about Action Plans, people; THINK about what it is that you want/need to do, brainstorm and WRITE DOWN ways that you can make it happen (and post/store them where they can be viewed regularly) then TAKE STEPS that will lead you to actualization.  It's okay to reflect upon what you missed out or messed up on, in the past....but only for a second and only if you see it as a lesson learned not a memory burned into your spirit, retarding your progress from this day forward.  So, you gained a few pounds or are still carrying heft from 2011 - Devise a plan to eat better, move regularly and invest more time into self then DO IT; Maybe you went all out shopping for Christmas (or all damn year) and your money is funny - Document what your income is, compare it to your financial responsiblities, come up with a reasonable 'free-spending' amount (if you have it) and STICK TO IT (get another job or side hustle, if necessary; carry cash and leave the cards at home - it's so easy to 'swipe & go'; pack a lunch, snack, drinks....you get my drift); You may have hung out with the wrong crowd, were too nice, too forgiving OR you were mean to people, patronizing, controlling OR you feel stuck in a dead-end or toxic relationship/friendship........whatever the case is, take a personal inventory and focus on your behavior (which is, by the way, the only person's behavior you can truly control) and CHANGE IT for the better.

That's what I plan to do for 2012 - DO BETTER, GET BETTER, LOOK BETTER and just plain ole BE BETTER.....a better me than I've ever been.  In doing so, I aim to be more observant, conscious, mindful, thoughtful and responsible of/for the choices I make. These aren't things I just decided to do on December 31, 2011 though; I've been working on these things (one, two, three at at time, depending on the day) for a while now and I am making slow, steady progress.  I will, however, turn it up for 2012 as (what I see as) my 'Showtime' segment of life (between 40 and 80) is fast approaching.  You see, I turned 39 years old on December 6 and while I always tell people, who insist on remarking, 'Girl, you 'bout to be 40!', to please just let me be 39 first, I do have my eyes on the Big 4-0.  I'm not looking'er dead in the eyes just yet but I can see her in the distance.  I can definitely make out her outline. When I get up on her, I wanna take her on standing tall (as I can at 5'1"), looking right, doing well and feeling my best. I want to be Fabulous at Forty in all ways possible............but, I must be Fine at Thirty-Nine first....

So, in my 39th year of life, I plan to:
* LOSE WEIGHT
I'm talking a significant reduction in size
* RELOCATE
no more Upstate New York winters for me! 
* be more FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE 
eating out has gotten waaayyy outta control!
* SPEND TIME WITH WORTHY & LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
not just because they are my relatives, childhood friends, they have a sob story, etc.
* TRAVEL 
to a place I haven't been; preferably out of the country
* BE MORE UNDERSTANDING & TOLERANT
of my daughter's continuing growth as a mother & woman and of other people's life experiences, stage in life, preferences, decisions and feelings
*......and LESS FORGIVING & TOLERANT
of people's selfish ways, inconsiderate or downright rude behavior and nasty attitudes (they think because they've been around, lifelong or they're 'like family' or are relatives, they can do & say what they want)....can't take it, won't take it anymore; the BUSH (my euphimism for the crap bulls lay) stops now!
* TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY and PLACE LESS BLAME
I can only control and be accountable for my own actions and reactions
* INVEST MORE TIME IN 'BFly (that's me) STOCK'
into my look, my writing, my company and my purpose

....and last but not least, I plan to
* FIND LOVE or BE READY FOR LOVE when he finds me. 
It's been a lonnnnnnnnnng time coming.....the last 10 years have been filled with cheaters, deceivers, heartbreakers, liars and deny-ers.......ohhh, but I digress (that's another post y'all)!**

That last point brings me to another fellow blogger, whose site I frequent and am more than entertained by, Anslem 'NWSO' Samuel of 'Naked With Socks On.'  On his blog, he gave 5 Dating Resolutions for Singles in 2012. While he is engaged and very soon to be married, he isn't that far out of the dating game that he can't give good, sound advice.  Granted, the tips he gave aren't never-before-heard-of but, I like his delivery.  Furthermore, he provided a refreshing reminder to those who may have forgotten these things or those who may have given up on dating altogether.  So, I will keep in mind, as I navigate the dating world, the following suggestions given by Mr. NWSO:

ONE, 'Date With A Purpose'
- if you want Love, then don't settle for Lust or any other bush being offered
TWO, 'Don't Knowingly Date Losers' **
- no, you are not that special that his/her loser-stripes will change all of a sudden
THREE, 'Don't Forget What Dating Means'
- hooking up, texting/FBing/Tweeting, smoking/drinking/clubbing together does not a suitor make
FOUR, 'Date Like A Virgin'
- take your time and be selective about who you become intimate with; every partner should be special, not just your 'first'
FIVE, 'Date Outside Your Usual Type'
- your 'perfect (for you)' mate may not come in your ideal, typical or fantastical package; be open to more & different possibilities

Not rocket science and not difficult to follow.  Click on the link to check out the full post........
http://nwso.net/2012/01/01/5-dating-resolutions-for-2012/

In dating or whatever area of your life you deem needs improvement, don't just think about it, talk about it, cry about it.....BE about it!  Make 2012 count, DRs!  ;-)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's 2012, Dear Reader ('DR') and I don't know about you but I feel big change a-coming!  This past holiday season was great and much different from any other I've experienced.  It was my first as a grandmother, which still sounds crayyyyzeeee to me but it is my reality.  My gran'diva (as I affectionately refer to my granddaughter) enjoyed everything from Halloween through New Year's Eve.  She had three outfits for Halloween; one for her professional photo shoot (pumpkin), one for daytime at day care (orange & black outfit wishing everyone a, 'Happy Halloween') and the show-stealing party costume (Little Black Kitty).  Of course, she had no clue as to why she had to don all these outfits and be blinded by a million flashing lights throughout the course of the day but she looked good and smiled (sometimes) for the cameras.  I don't recall seeing her eat any sweets but I'm sure somebody slipped her a lollipop or two at one time or another. 

For Thanksgiving, the little turkey looked extra special in her gold, shimmery sweater dress and brown fur-trimmed booties with hair accessories to match.  She had to look good for all her special appearances scheduled for the day.  Baby had three families looking forward to spending time with her on her first Thanksgiving and, somehow, she and Mom pulled it off....dinner with G'ammi, PahPah and Nana. Whew!  I get exhausted just thinking about it.  She had a great time eating all the wonderful, soft foods her little belly could stand.  Even without a tooth in sight, baby girl savored many flavors of her first Thanksgiving Day.

Baby's First Christmas was the most charming, funny, fun and whimsical Christmas I've experienced in a long time.  It was not only special because of our newest family addition but also because my sis and niece came all the way to the northeast from North Carolina, to spend Christmas with us.  The long weekend was filled with parties, shopping and lots of quality family time.  Our little darling couldn't get enough of her first Christmas tree and the ornaments, of course.  Every day was a joy and a scramble; between her delight with and seeming determination to destroy the holiday decor, we were stir crazy! 

She may not have known what was going on but she enjoyed every bit of it.  The best part of it all was on Christmas Day, when it was time for her to open her gifts.  We weren't sure if she would do the unwrapping or Mommy & Daddy would but boy, did she show us!  There was no mistaking her unwrapping skills; she pulled and ripped and even bit the paper off of her first gift. Her enthusiasm didn't wane as she went on to unwrap her other gifts.  In fact, she was still trying to unwrap other people's gifts in the days following.....LOL   

Of course, her first holiday season wouldn't have been complete without an awesome wardrobe to match.  Check out the gran'diva in a few of her holiday looks:

Our very own little Christmas tree..

Baby's 1st Christmas dinner.....

Golden Girl, all ready for Christmas morning service.....

Merry 1st Christmas, A'shari!

And finally, I brought the new year in with the gran'diva.  No grand parties, glittery clothing and glamorous cocktails for me, this time around.  Up until the last possible minute, I hemmed and hawwed on what I was going to do for New Year's Eve: go out to a party, host a party or forget partying altogether.  I opted to just 'forgetaboutit' because I didn't want to be out on the road and not enough people showed interest in attending a house party.  So, the gran'dvia and I got comfy, sent the #1 daughter/Mommy on her way and watched a movie.  Well, I tried to watch a movie but lil' miss thang wasn't having it.  As tired as she was, she fought sleep with every ounce of energy she had and didn't settle down into a good 30 minute nap sleep until precisely the stroke of midnight.  She woke just before one but went back to sleep shortly after.....then, I wanted to party!