BFly Presents 'Way Back When's Days' Family Vacations

Remember, back in the day, when families actually took family vacations every year?  The family vacation wasn’t likely to take place in some faraway, tropical locale or require flight tickets. Usually, the family vacation was a week-long visit to an auntie/uncle’s house a few hours away, a weekend holiday spent with friends or relatives or a series of day trips taken over summer vacation. Wherever the destination was, it was some place you looked forward to going with your siblings and parents.

Some of my favorite childhood memories are from family outings and vacations: namely the trips to the beach we used to take with my maternal grandparents and the movie dates, park outings and overnight visits to relatives my mother & stepfather took us on.  I’m glad my mother was like the paparazzi back then: she has hundreds of photos that instantly transport one back to a specific time & experience and provides a healthy dose of uplifting nostalgia.  Nowadays, I don’t hear many people talking about family vacations.  People are usually taking ‘Girls Gone Wild’ vacations with their girlfriends or ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ trips with their homies.  Personally, I’ve been on many (long & short) vacations with my sisters and friends but only a few that I would classify as a ‘family vacation.’ I’ve planned many family vacays in my head only to be superseded by some jaunt or adventure presented by one of the ladies. Now that my daughter is almost 22 years old, she is less likely to want to vacation with Mommy so I am now planning for trips with the gran’diva. She and I will be sure to make some grand memories to last a lifetime.

What are some of your fondest memories of family vacations, either as a child or with your own children?  Do you have any suggestions for family vacation destinations?

Sister, Sister

 

Today is my sister’s birthday. She is exactly one year, two months and 11 days younger than me. Although she’s the younger of us two, people either think she is my twin or they think she’s the older sister.  Most people think we look very much alike so, obviously, it’s not because of her looks that people think she’s older. I think we’re equally taken to be at least 10 years younger than we actually are. It’s because of her personality and the way she carries herself that she’s often taken as the elder sibling. Of the two of us, my sister Queen Bee (as she’s affectionately referred to by friends & family), is the bolder, louder, more outspoken one; she’s known as the fighter whereas I’m known as the lover, she will bring the ruckus while I bring the peace, I’m the quiet to her storm, the sugar to her coffee, the treaty to her war.  All of our lives, I have been known as ‘the nice one’ and she, ‘the mean one.’ As you can probably imagine, our differences caused many an argument, debate and sisterly (sometimes, enemy-like) fight. For almost 30 years, my sister and I clashed like cold water on a hot skillet. If she said no, I said yes……if she wanted to go right, I wanted to go left……if she had 2 best friends, well I better have 3 or more….and it went on and on and on and on and on. For years, my sister and I fought about every little thing. I don’t think either of us took the time to really think before we engaged in battle, we just did it because, well, it was what we had always done. 

Until one day, during a particularly heated battle (about what, I cannot recall), our brother-in-law stepped in and shut us down. He basically told us we looked stupid, were saying stupid things and probably didn’t even know why we were really arguing. My sister and I argued, talked and cried for hours that day and we got to the bottom of some deep-rooted issues that each of us had no idea the other carried around. It would still take us a few more years, countless hours and gallons of tears before we reached a point where we could talk to, instead of yell at, each other. We were finally able to build and sustain an actual friendship. Although, if you were on the outside, you would never know we had those problems because, (we were taught) no matter what, we were always there for each other. We shared all of life’s important moments, milestones and special occasions. Despite our wanting to tear each other’s hair out, we dared anyone else to even think about causing harm or posing a threat to our sister. It’s funny because, I remember many times, my sister wanted to beat me to a pulp but if anyone else even breathed the wrong way towards me, my sister was ready to pounce, with no questions asked.  SMH at the memories……..yeah, we’ve come a long way little sis!

I’m happy to say that, while we still have some work to do, the relationship between my sister and I is in good, solid standing. I know she’s got my back, she loves me, she’s happy to be a part of my life and I am happy to have her in mine. So, today, I salute my Lil’ Big Sis on her special day…………………..and I thank God for allowing her to reach another milestone for us to celebrate together.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, QUEEN BEE!!

it’s going down tonight……I hope you’re read-daaayyy!!!

A Letter to Chris Brown

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Chris,

 

I have been a fan of yours from the first day I saw your tall, lanky frame on my TV screen (‘Yooooooo, I don’t know your name but excuse me miss, I saw you from across the room, And I got to admit that you got my attention, You're making me want to say yooooooo’). Not only did your dancing have me captivated but your boyish good lucks and evident charm made me want to know more about this new, cute kid on the block. I’m old enough to be your mother so I wasn’t looking at you as a celebrity crush/love interest.  Well, maybe I was…..but for my daughter. I could tell, from the way you moved and the emotion you conveyed while singing your song, that you were a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. Actually, you reminded me of a past, young love of mine who is tall, light-skinned, good-looking and on the ‘goofy’ side….though he has not one ounce of the rhythm in his body that you have in yours.  But, I digress…….. From the day I saw your first video, I knew you were going to be a star. I went out and purchased your CD and I listened to it all of the time. I think I knew all the songs & lyrics before my daughter did. I told all my friends about this new kid who was gonna do big things and I looked forward to watching your great career unfold…..and unfold it did.

 

For the next few years, you would not disappoint as you came out with hit after hit and wonderfully entertaining videos to go along with.  I never tired of watching your videos or hearing your songs. I began referring to you as my son-in-law and I longed for the day that my daughter (who was an aspiring model, at the time) would make it big, meet you, marry you, give me beautiful grandbabies and live happily ever after (a lady can dream, can’t she????).  Then, you hooked up with Rihanna and in my Scooby-Doo voice, I said, ‘Ruh Roh!’ Immediately, I didn’t think it was a good look.  No offense to you or Rhianna but I thought she was too much for you.  There you were, this innocent-looking, charming, silly young man making a name for himself in the music world and there she was a grown-looking, sexified young woman with much attitude making a name for herself in the music world.  In general, (they say) females mature faster than males so already, she had one up on you (I believed). Then, add the fast life and everything that comes with the kind of lives you both lead, (I imagine) requiring you to ‘grow up’ faster than you normally would have to and that gives her a few more steps ahead of you. Of course, this is all my own assessment of how things were. I wasn’t there and I have no idea how it is to live life in the spotlight so I am speaking strictly from a fan’s (and mother’s) point of view. I thought to myself, ‘this girl is gonna be T.r.o.u.b.l.e for Chris!’  I had no idea how much trouble it would be.

 

Seeing pictures of you two together and hearing stories about your young romance were bittersweet. It’s always nice to see people in love, especially that young love when everything is ‘innocent’ and brand-new.  At the same time, having been there and done that, it also makes one a bit sad knowing that, most likely, the young love will end on a not-so-good note and somebody (if not both parties) is going to end up hurting like hell. In your case, I always thought it would just be a matter of time before Rhianna would break your heart and leave you howling in the wind of her trail.  Never, in a million years, did I think your relationship with her would end like it did.

‘Grammy day was supposed to be a glittery affair for R&B's reigning ‘It’ couple, Chris Brown and Rihanna. But things went horribly amiss.  About the time Brown was scheduled to be singing "Forever" onstage at Los Angeles' Staples Center, he was instead detained by police, being questioned for allegedly roughing up Rihanna,’ was the report given by one media source.  When I heard this news, I didn’t believe it…..couldn’t believe….wouldn’t believe it.  ‘There’s gotta be more to the story,’ I thought….’What the hell did Rhianna do to my son?!’  I know a lot of people, men and women alike, won’t like that statement and probably think it’s very irresponsible (at the very least) of me to say something like that.  Am I crazy, out of my mind, an abused woman myself? No, no and hell no. Not for a second do I think what you were accused of doing is/was okay. Not for a second do I believe that Rhianna ‘deserved’ it. Not for a second do I believe that your behavior should have been excused. Not for a second do I believe that you didn’t deserve to be punished. Not for a second do I believe you are ‘a monster,’ as I’ve heard some people refer to you as. Not for a second do I believe your dream of being a singer/entertainer should be snatched from you forever. Not for a second do I believe you should continue to be questioned about, ridiculed or punished for what happened 3 years ago. Not for a second do I believe you would do it again.

As a woman and mother of a daughter, I know how our species can be. I wasn’t there, in the car with you and Rhianna and you never gave your side of the story (understandably for fear that people would take it as you trying to excuse or justify your behavior) but I have my own ideas about what I think happened. However it got started, I believe you both were pushed to the brink of your emotions and one thing led to another and unfortunately, things got out of control. You put your hands on Rhianna. You’re a big, strong young man so I’m sure you knew you could overpower her, beat her, if you wanted to. I don’t know why you didn’t (or couldn’t?) just restrain her to keep her from hitting you or doing whatever it was that she was doing to you. Why you didn’t just walk, or drive, away from her instead of smacking, punching or biting her is beyond my understanding. But, the point is, you didn’t walk away. You didn’t just restrain. You hit her. You were dead wrong. You were dead wrong and you knew your were, but I don’t think you thought she would call in the dogs on you. But she did….and you paid for what you did to her, big time…..and rightfully so.

It hurt me to hear everyone dog you out, on radio, TV, online. I felt like people were really talking about my son. I wanted to reach out to your mother, speak out for your mother and I wanted to pop you upside your damn head! I was so mad at you, Chris. Why, why, why, why, whyyyyyy did he do that, I wondered. But, the damage was done and the why really didn’t matter. In fact, there was no room for ‘why’ because there was no excuse for it…..period.  So you had to pay and boyyyy, did you pay! I felt so bad for you Chris but I knew this was a lesson you had to learn the hard way.  You had to be taught that violence, especially violence against women, will not (and should not) be tolerated. You had to learn to deal with your emotions in a less damaging, more productive way….more mature way. You had to realize that, as quickly as people can build you up, they can tear ya down. Chris, you had to learn to ‘man up.’  Your image was tainted, reputation ruined, pocket tapped, career frozen and your love was lost.  I was worried that you had been (Jah)Ruled out and wouldn’t be allowed to come back. I prayed that you would be…..and you were.

You came back on the scene and you came back like you meant business.  However, not everybody welcomed you back with open arms. Still today, three years after the crime and the consequence, some people don’t want to let you live (it down). Which is why I am writing this letter to you today. After your Grammy win and performance (which I loved, by the way), people were outraged that a ‘man who beat the sh*t out of a woman is celebrated.’ I got so upset after reading one bloggers post that tears sprang to my eyes. I was ready to fight! As a fan and as a mother, I just want people to let you live. I agree, you done wrong. But you paid your debt to society, in more ways than one and now it’s time for people to leave the past in the past. I do realize, though, that there will always be people who ‘hate Chris’ and I will likely have to continue to defend you against those who speak ill about you in my presence. However, despite the cold or lukewarm reception you receive by some, (in addition to me and my cougar friends….haha) you still have millions of die-hard fans who love you and want you to stay in the game. We need you to keep making good music, entertaining us with your great dance moves and gracing us with your good-looking presence.  But, most of all, Chris Brown, we need you to grow up. We need you to stop feeding into the negativity some people just seem bent on spewing your way. I know it’s easier said than done, but we need you to stop stooping to their level by sending out angry tweets and arrogant commentary.  Don’t give the negators (neh-guh-tors - yeah, I made that word up) satisfaction by reacting to their ugliness with ugliness. We need you to keep your head up and your ego down. The best way to honor yourself, your mother and the fans who have been loyal to you is to remain humble, keep giving us good music and do what the naysayers think you can’t do - sustain a successful, respectable career, non-violent lifestyle and eventually, a healthy, loving relationship with a woman (whenever that time comes). I know you can do it, Chris. Just keep your eyes on the prize and you will continue to win. In this case, winning IS everything! I will continue to pray for you. Keep on keeping on and, CBreezy, please don’t let me/us down.

Sincerely and with love,

BFly, a fan who cares

 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Let's talk about love, baby....let's talk about you and me.....let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be...let's talk about love....let's talk about love....let's talk about love...let's talk about love!






Today, I thought it would be fun to do a little quiz for Valentine's Day. Please, indulge me......and have a loving, sweet, wonderful Day!

Do you prefer flowers or candy?
What is your favorite sweet treat?
What is your favorite love song?
What is your favorite romantic comedy or love story?
Who is your favorite couple (famous)?
Who is your favorite couple (non-celeb)?
What is your favorite scent (to wear and to smell on others)?
What is (one of) the best romantic moments/experiences you've had?
What is your favorite romantic destination?
and finally....
Who do you love? Are you sure? (bonus: what song/year is that from? Don't cheat!)

SUNDAYS with BFly....'A Moment in Black Herstory': WHITNEY HOUSTON

What's more inspirational than a teenager believing in herself enough to follow her dreams? To follow her dreams and make it big? To make it big and Wow the world? To be known, worldwide, just by your first name? To be known as 'The Voice?' To be viewed as the voice to be reckoned with? To have a voice that is incomparable; a voice that set a standard many aim for but only few (if any) can reach? To be a woman strong enough in her own conviction to do what she wants, when she wants, where she wants and how she wants with no apologies offered? To walk with her head held high even in her lowest days? To be WHITNEY ELIZABETH HOUSTON. Whitney came on the music scene at the mere age of 18, and from the start, she was a bonafide star. She was beautiful, classy and immensely talented. She was humble, yet confident. Soft spoken yet strong. She has celebrated relatives but shone brightly in her own light. She had a big voice that sent chills up your spine and tears down your face. Hit after hit, it was evident that Ms. Whitney Houston was here to stay. Throughout the late 80's & 90's, Whitney brought us music we loved to sing to, cry to, make love to and even, dance to. She starred in a few films and earned enough respect to rightfully add 'actress' to her talent list. In one word, Whitney was 'Phenomenal.' Unfortunately, her reputation as a classy, unblemished wonder of a woman was tarnished when she became romantically involved with, and eventually married to, Bobby Brown. Most people know the story of Mr. & Mrs. Brown (or Mr. & Mrs. Houston, depending on who you're talking to) so I won't go into too many details about their tumultuous 15 year relationship. I will suffice it to say, the couple became addicted to drugs and known for outrageous, erratic, uncouth and disturbing behavior. Whitney's family and fans were shocked at the slow but sure decline of her career (and seemingly, quality of life) and though some were genuinely concerned for her, a lot of people began to 'kick her' while she was down. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions and, unfortunately, in the life of a superstar, millions of opinions are thrown their way. Still, Whitney managed to keep her head up. As a fan from day one, I was enamored with Whitney through her ups and downs. It hurt to see her in the alley of her life but I was never turned off to her person. I loved to see her and hear her, always....well, not quite. I didn't want to watch the reality show she and Bobby had. I knew what the genre of reality shows was built upon: drama, extreme drama; and from what the media constantly reported, Bobby & Whitney had plenty of it and I did not want to be privvy to it. I am so glad I did! Although, I'm sure, if I had watched, it wouldn't have made me less of a fan....of Whitney's or Bobby's. I understand that they are human beings just like the rest of us. I have seen loved ones battle a drug or alcohol addiction and it is no easy feat to overcome it. I know that drugs alter a person's personality, their character and turns them into someone unrecognizable. It's easy to judge, alienate, convict and put down a person who suffers from drug addiction. It keeps one from focusing on their own faults, shortcomings and, perhaps, addictions as well. It's easy for us to build people up, hold them up on their pedestals and drop them like a hot ear of corn at the simplest, most minor mistake or 'violation'....let alone, become a 'drug addicted junkie.' Shaking my damn head at us. No, I did not....would not...do that to Whitney. In my eyes, she was always a lady. A beautiful songbird. A class act. She will always be the lady who reminds me of my own mother's beauty. The lady who inspires the songstress that lives inside me. The lady who lends me strength through her lyrics, courage through her melodies and joy through her songs. She will always be that tall, slim, brown-skinned, beautiful, unapologetic, God-fearing mother, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, singer, actress, mentor, inspirational, phenomenal, wonderful human being. She will always be the incomparable voice that wowed the world at the tender age of 18 and will continue to inspire, motivate, delight and spread love for ever and ever and ever. Whitney, you are now heaven's songbird and you will be greatly missed here on earth. I thank you for your music, I thank you for your light and I thank you for being you. I will always be a fan and since I never met you here on earth, I hope to meet you some day in heaven. Rest in peace, dear Whitney..........I am forever inspired.....and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALLLLLWAAAAAAAYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSS LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!